The Food Boss

I've heard from other chefswives and non chefswives alike that sometimes their significant other can be a bit of a food boss. What's a food boss? It's exactly what it sounds like. Someone who tells, or "politely encourages" you what to order, buy, cook, and eat. ARG- it's beyond annoying.

I only came to realize that Erik is a food boss. But it started about 5 years ago when we got married. Erik and I have always gone grocery shopping together. I don't know why it started that way, but now it's one of our weekend traditions and I really enjoy it. Anyhow, the food boss in him kicks in right away around the produce. I get a craving for asparagus and suggest a bunch to make with some hollandndaise. STOMP. That idea is quickly squashed by the boss who kindly reminds me that asparagus is out of season in November. AGH. On the one hand, I'm happy to have a chef around who is able to act as my own personal farmer's Almanac. But on the other hand, ignorance is bliss, or in this case, satisfaction and a full tummy. I'd rather buy produce in season. It's better tasting and better for the environment. But sometimes I want an apple in April!

I'm not going to lie. I LOVE Sam's Club and Costco. And a big part of that love comes from the terribly delicious food they serve ready to eat. Pizza, churros, icees, Italian sausage, and hot dogs. I'm salivating just thinking about it. Well the other day Erik asked me if I wanted anything else to eat. I asked for a soft pretzel. We had never got one from there before and I wanted to try one. I'm willing to risk the 97 cent loss to try one. He looked at me and said, "really? They don't look good"  How good can a pretzel look anyways? It's a hunk of dough and salt? I love my husband, he bought me a pretzel and it was warm, tasty, and just what I wanted.

Does anyone else have a food boss in their life? A boyfriend who discourages you from ordering the salmon because the restaurant is known for its burgers? A friend who reminds you how fatty that butter soaked shrimp is. A mother in law who coldly questions your choice of side dish for the pot luck?

YOU are the boss of your own food destiny.

Food is Love,
Hilary

The Whole Package

Hi Everybody! Firstly I would like to thank our gracious host for allowing me the space to share my vision with you. I am grateful to her for creating a place where I can feel understood, especially when society only sees the sexy side of this industry. My name is Kerilyn Russo. I, like you, are married to a chef. A smidge over one year now, although it took a decade for my husband, Peter, an Executive Chef at LIAS (http://liasrestaurant.com) an Italian restaurant in the DC area; and I to a place where we were ready to be together as husband and (chefs)wife. Probably for the same reason you already know, it's challenging to be connected to someone who works long hours, weekends, holidays; enjoys the night life, and the temptations that come with being a creature of the night. We have our moments when, no matter how "in" it we are in our relationships, we face our doubts, our love, our future plans that sometimes do not always seem on solid ground.

For myself, during those ten years, I had to go out and experience being with someone who was available when I was (being a 9-5'er). At the time I was convinced being the girlfriend of a chef just wasn't the life for me. Dating someone who had the same hours as myself was fun at times, but I eventually realized (it took a few years) that something was missing.

It was me.

I somehow misplaced the Kerilyn who relished having a Saturday to herself when she could get stuff done, and who enjoyed going out with her girlfriends on a Friday nite (even if it was to go to the restaurant where he worked). I became aware that when I was dating my chef, I had more time for self-care, and never found myself feeling the intense guilt that I did when I knew my boyfriend was home after work when I was. It was ONLY after being with someone who was more available, that I realized that what I had was what I wanted. It hit me one day when I was laying in my bed, missing that side of myself that felt more natural, more "me", that what I had with my chef (whom I always loved, that was never the issue) was what I had been missing. I am SO glad that I had the chance to experience the contrast to what I have now, to fully appreciate the freedom I DO have. I am grateful for lifes serendipity that I had the gift of reconnection with the man who I was always meant to marry.

So away we go into being engaged, working our way toward marriage when it resurfaced. It sounded a bit like:

ME: "Honey - What are we going to do for Valentines Day??"

HIM: "I don't know honey.. The restaurant has 300+ Covers that day...It's going to be a long day!"

ME: (Sad and angry but already knowing this) "Why don't you ask (insert one of my husbands fellow Chefs names here - Someone who already has kids and is married in this industry) how THEY make it work!!!"

HIM: "Why don't you ask his wife!"

That got me thinking... He's right! I don't need to ask my soon to be husband.. who does NOT know how challenging it can be how to make it work.. I need to ask the significant others! So I began to seek out an online support refuge - somewhere where I can commune with others in the same predicament as myself... found Hilary and the valuable resource which we now find ourselves; but I wanted MORE. I wanted to talk to someone who understood. To meet face to face, to get advice, to give my support. I was almost obsessed. And so, armed with my philosophy of "What do I REALLY have to lose?" I decided I would create what I wanted to find for myself! And that's when http://marriedtoachef.com became an idea in hibernation!

I am creating an entire platform where you can find exactly what your looking for, when you need it. You need to hear stories of how others got through it? Yep, check. You want to meet up with someone on your birthday when your Chef is working? Check. Maybe a play date with your children; so you can find a break with someone who REALLY understands. Yes! I want to interview wives and girlfriends of famous Restaurateurs to see how fame adds another level of challenge to the mix. I want to focus on the different stages of our relationship; dating, marriage, having a family and the exciting (and exhausting) world of restaurant ownership! I want to hear from YOU, to help others where you might have already found a way.This site is for US! There have been others all over the world, from Australia to London, to British Columbia who are already reaching out, that have already signed up to join us. I know there is a significant other in Hong Kong who is not sure she/he has what it takes to date someone in this industry. There is a need world wide for a place for US.

Finally, let me ask you a question. How many of you who are married to someone in this industry are just as much of a foodie as your significant other? I know there are many, but I also know of many who are not. For me, I am not. I am a 9-5'er who just wants a place to find community in our similar situations. There are tons of foodie sites, guaranteed to give you what your looking for. I am not as interested in making this about what restaurant to go to and what famous chef is running the line as I am interested in YOU. The other side of the coin. What made you KNOW that you wanted to be with someone who lives in this fast paced and short tempered world? How do you 'do' it when you have children? How do you find balance in this olive oil soaked world?

Please join me in our pursuit for understanding and support. Sign up and stay tuned when the website goes live in just a few short months (January/February 2011) .

http://marriedtoachef.com

Feel free to contact me at kerilyn@marriedtoachef.com if you have any questions or just want to say Hi! Thank you SO much for this opportunity. I hope as you and your restaurant man or woman goes into the holiday season you know, without a doubt that there is someone else out there asking the same questions, finding the same frustrations, and attempting to maneuver in an industry that doesn't always give recognition to the person who makes the restaurant what it is.. their significant others.

Kerilyn Russo
Arlington,Virginia
http://marriedtoachef.com

The Worst Critic

Chefs are built to handle criticism. Well, at least they are trained to. Customers, Yelpers, bloggers, food critics and fellow chefs all have something to say about they food your chef prepares for them. On top of that, an infinite number of things can go wrong during a meal...the food is too hot...too cold...too salty...too bland...too old school...too modern...too rare...too well done...too complex...too simple...overwhelming...underwhelming...

I've heard and said them all, plus a few. But what happens when the food you are criticizing is that of your own chef? I hope I'm not alone in this one. I feel such relief when I find out that I'm not alone.

Erik is a great chef. He was trained by the best (CIA, school of Jean-Georges). He's been featured in various publications and has an ongoing professional relationship with the Gohan Society. All that said, sometimes I don't like what he makes at home. And I've made the terrible mistake of telling him. You would have thought I insulted his intelligence and come to think of it, he probably felt as if I did.

I've learned my lesson and I always keep my mouth shut, but not too long ago if Erik asked how I liked something he made, I would answer truthfully. What was I thinking? It's not as if I hated any of the meals he's made for me. But a few times, gasp...the food just wasn't to my liking. I told Erik a couple times that the dish was too salty and he always replied the same: "Well, I guess since you hate all my cooking, I'll never make anything for you again." OK, Woah.

Needless to say he has since cooked for me, but I was in shock. After all, he DID ask. Didn't he want to know? I didn't make a face when I tasted the meal. I didn't spit it out. I enjoyed it and ate it all, but just had that one, insignificant comment.


Please tell me your chefs are the same way. And if they are, how do you deal? Do you still provide honest feedback or do you do the fake "yum" smile that we so often see on TV?

Since the over salty experiences I've decided just to keep my thoughts to myself. It's really not worth it. Maybe it's worse for Erik since I'm not a food critic, patron, or chef....I'm his wife.


Food is Love,
Hilary

My Little Sushi Boy

I just had to share a picture of my little sushi. My wonderful sister, Christina made this costume and I just love it.  I can't wait to take him trick-or-treating. too bad I'll have to eat all his candy for him.

Happy Halloween!!

Food is Love
Hilary

Giveaway Winner

Using Random.org, I've got a winner for JAN KARON’S MITFORD COOKBOOK AND KITCHEN READER giveaway!! Congrats to Chelsea (CER)!! Your cookbook is on its way- ( as soon as I get your address). So send us some pictures of your final dishes and let us know your favorites.

And coming soon....

Maverik's food themed Halloween costume

Food is Love,
Hilary

Cookbook Giveaway!

Hey ladies, I've got a great giveaway for you all! All you have to do is leave a comment with your name, email, and the answer to the following question:
What is your favorite deep fried dish?

In honor of the south's fried chicken and recent episode of Unwrapped, I've been thinking about fried foods. my favorite?  Good ol' french fries. I just love hot, salty, fried spuds with a heap of ketchup on top. mmm.



This month, Penguin Books is proud to present the paperback edition of the gorgeously designed JAN KARON’S MITFORD COOKBOOK AND KITCHEN READER (Penguin Books; On-sale now). Jan Karon is the # 1 New York Times bestselling author of the Mitford Series (35 million copies in print). 

Millions of readers have discovered the delights of a trip to Mitford, North Carolina and they’ve all found themselves hankering for mouthwatering dishes like Father Tim’s Rector’s Meatloaf and Esther Bolick’s delicious Orange Marmalade Cake. Now, Jan Karon makes it easy to satisfy all these cravings and many more.


Along with 150 fabulous recipes, this four-color cookbook features Jan’s personal reminiscences, dozens of beloved scenes from the Mitford books, jokes, cooking tips, and a story never before published in the novels.

Good Luck! I'll be choosing a winner at random in about a week or so and I'll notify you via email.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Security in Marriage?

A reader of DCW just wrote to me and presented some thought provoking questions. She is a chef girlfriend and has concerns about her chef boyfriend's late night hours. Especially the time between closing time and his arrival back home. Does anyone else experience this chef time travel? Occasionally- meaning about once a month- Erik has dinner with some of the other chefs. Most nights though he's too tired to go out. Plus he's not much of a drinker at all. But I know some chefs like to get a drink or grab a bite before heading home and if there isn't enough trust built into the relationship-those hours can feel like an eternity.

Another question the reader brought up was that if she were married to her chef, "would there be more security?" Would her worries go away? I say NO WAY. If you have doubts before getting married those doubts will still be there no matter what a piece of paper says. But that certainly doesn't mean there isn't any hope. Trust, in my opinion, can be built and cultivated as long as both people in the relationship are willing to work and communicate.

What do you all feel about the idea of marriage creating a more secure relationship? Did things change when you got married? Were they easier? More trust? Less.


Food is Love,
Hilary

Cupcake Skulll

One of the many friends I've met via blogging, facebook and general interwebs is Jessica.  She blogs about her life as a newlywed chef's wife and culinary student. What a combo! Check her out at Chef in Training.

I saw her clever tattoo on Facebook and I had to share. For someone who will never get a tattoo I have a strange fascination with those relating to cooking.

 I just love the wooden spoon and whisk "cross bones". I asked Jessica about her tattoo....

When did you get your pastry skull tattoo?
I got my "cupcake skull" tattoo (as we call it) October 21st 2009

Do you have a name for it?
Not necessarily a name, just my cupcake skull

How did you think of it? Had you seen that design somewhere?
We (my chef and I) thought it up when he offered to do a sleeve or half sleeve, or something for me for going to culinary school. I wanted to do a skull and crossbones in honor of him. He is always pushing me to be better than I am, thus making me a great person. We decided to look around online a bunch for a "cupcake skull", however, a lot that we found were with a skull just sitting in the frosting, not what I envisioned. I have a friend who works at a reputable Tattoo place here in Omaha, so I came to him with the idea. His name is Seth and he works at Big Brain. I love how it turned out. I just went in with ideas of how I wanted the frosting to look, the bottom, and the whisk. I told him "just go home and look at your own wooden spoon" HA! Turned out better than I imagined, he is a talented artist.

Does your husband have any cooking related tattoos?
Ohh yea. He has many, I can ask him if I can photograph them for you, if you are interested.

Do you have any other tattoos?
The cupcake skull is my third. I have my sign (cancer) on my back between my shoulder blades and my daughter's name on my back also.

Do you get a lot of comments on it? I find it fascinating!
I do. This summer was the first time I was able to really show it off. I got tons of compliments on it. I had one guy at a fair call it a "bunny thing" which he was trying to get me to come to his booth. I ignored him, he is ignorant. I went to Branson over my birthday and I got tons of compliments down there. Mostly people tell me they have never seen anything like it. Which was really why I wanted it the way it is. Oh, and my husband's family loves it! Its funny to hear his grandma compliment it!

Any plans for more?
I have plans on finishing the sleeve however far we decide to go with it. I get ideas and pass them by my artist. He is very excited to do the next one. He is very glad that the whisk in my "skull and crossbones" is the only one that I want, he said it was very hard to make it thin enough and still fill it in with the gray. My next tattoo is one that my chef found, its a memorial tattoo for the baby we lost, it will be a matching tattoo for us. Trust me, I will post pictures of the work I have done as its done. Also, its funny that I like tattoos so much, I hate needles but the end result is very worth it. It just feels like a bad sunburn.


In the vague future I'd like to share Jessica's chef's tattoos but this post is all about her!

Other tattoo posts:
Tattoo Chefs

Marks of a Chef

Food is Love,
Hilary

The Wedding Ring

A fellow  (soon-to-be) chefwife and reader just emailed me and asked if I could write about the topic of wedding rings. Laura from Tahiti is planning a wedding and needs a little help. Her soon-to-be chef husband is saying he can't wear his wedding band to work. What are your experiences with this?

It's been nearly 5 years since I had the very same conversation with Erik. He also said he wouldn't be able to wear his band at work. I'm a little embarrassed to say that I pretty much told Erik he had to wear it. Looking back, I wish I had a little more tact when approaching the matter. But after all, it's a public symbol of our marriage, love, and commitment to each other. He has worn it ever since the day I put it on his finger and never had a problem cooking with it. Although it did fall off his hand when he was swimming in Long Island Sound a few summers ago. After borrowing a little kid's pair of goggles, he found it! The water wasn't clear either!  What a miracle.


Should a chef have to wear his wedding band at work? Would the argument change if the chef were a wife with an cumbersome diamond on her finger?

Food is Love,
Hilary

Word Play

Can I pass you the what?
You need the huh?
This was made how?
I have to what with this thing-a-ma-jig?

Not a week goes by when I don't look at my chef with a perplexed and dazed expression and ask "what did you just say"? I may have married a chef but that certainly does not make me one by proxy. I am still clueless, even after years together.

Don't get me wrong though, I have learned some tricks. I have a best friend who shares her knowledge freely, her name is "Google". And then there is the bible, LaRousse Gastronomique. This giant encyclopedia contains words that even the chef doesn't know. It also comes in handy when you can't figure out how to spell the word for a google search.

To ease the learning curve for anyone with a chef in their life, I have noted some of my favorite translations below:

Bain Marie = A water bath for keeping cooked food or dishes warm or without allowing them to continue cooking. OR fancy term for a metal container.

Mirepoix = a culinary preparation of diced vegetables. Uh, OR you could just call it a mixture of carrot, onion and celery.

Roux = a cooked mixture of equal amounts of flour and butter used to thicken sauces. I like to think of it as the awesome mix that makes awesome mixes more awesome.

What words stumped you? Which ones would you share?
Let's start the chef wife dictionary!
Take that Chef Smarty Pants.....

-BK

Don't Hate the Player

As the outdated saying goes, "don't hate the player, hate the game". So should we be upset with our husbands for their personalities that drive them to be hard working night owls or hate the profession itself? It's really pretty obvious, we love our husbands or else we have walked a while ago. But in the heat of the moment who gets yelled at? Although I've cursed the industry from time to time, it just doesn't have the same effect as riling up my husband. Just something to think about.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Status Update

After reading my post about being super lonely I realize how depressed I seemed. Funny too, since that wasn't even the lowest point of the last few weeks. I felt as if Erik and I trudged through one of the toughest times in our relationship (excluding highly hormonal high school fights). The extra days and hours that he's been gone really built up seemed to drag me down. After talking about it, yelling and crying about it we both finally saw each other's perspectives. I admitted as well to driving him away- wanting him to feel as miserable and lonely as I did. I'm only human. It still sucks not seeing Erik as much as I'd like and even worse- knowing Maverik only gets half an hour with his dad in the morning. These trying times will make us all stronger. 

Food is Love, 

Hilary

The Big D

And I'm not talking about cup size here- The big D-divorce. We are long past the days of after school specials and sit-coms preaching to us that its never the fault of the kids and all that stuff. Is it just me or was the concept of divorce more talked about in the 80s? Nonetheless, divorce still happens. All the time. Both Erik and I are the children of divorced parents, but so what to me. All the family drama I have has nothing to do with the fact that my parents aren't married. I'm sure things would be intolerable if they had, in fact, remained wed.

In high stress marriages such as being married to a chef I would imagine that the idea of divorce comes up often. Not often as in every month, but often as in many of these types of relationships must be strained. I'll be honest and say the idea has floated through my mind in the heat of arguments, but I've never considered it an option. I love my husband and  although the pain of being without him most days and nights does exist, it certainly doesn't weigh enough on me to call it quits. But I'd be the first person to understand that these types of relationships don't always work.

Has anyone considered divorce? Been through it yourself? Maybe your relationship with your chef is your second marriage....or his? Of course-your comments are encouraged to be as anonymous as you like.

I suppose my purpose in writing this is to see if there is anyone out there who is contemplating the big D and is in need of an ear and an audience to give constructive advice and encouragement.

Food is Love,
Hilary

http://photos.parents.com/category/vote/id/10/w/30/y/2010?page=63&esrc=nwphotofaves4

Vote for Maverik!

I promise not to flood this blog with my baby's pictures, but just this once...I need your help!

I entered this picture of Maverik in a photo contest and it ends tomorrow. There are over 1500 entries and Maverik debuted at number 6! But over the week he's dropped a bit. Please vote for him on any and all computers you can get ahold of!

Here is the link: Maverik!


By the way, the prize is $250-not bad, right? Remember, the voting ends tomorrow!

Thanks in advance!

Food is Love,

Hilary

This Lonely Life

Today, and this whole week really, is one of those times when I feel as if I've been kidding myself every time I say that I'm used to being married to a chef. Who am I trying to convince anyway? Yes, I have come a long way from a whinny, complaining, glass-half-empty person, but I'm not living in some deranged stepford wife bubble. I'm lonely and I'm bored.

Erik has been working 6 or 7 day weeks putting in nearly 90 hours a week to open a new restaurant in the Financial District. I was lucky enough to get out of the house yesterday, sans Baby, and treat my friend to a "friends and family" lunch at the restaurant. But that was really just a sliver of normalcy.

I got back from visiting my family in Ohio a couple weeks ago. I spent two weeks there, and it was great. I was able to introduce Maverik to most of my family and enjoy all the benefits of grandparents. My mom put him down for his naps everyday and watched him so I could go to the gym with my sisters, lay out and otherwise not be tethered to the baby. It was fantastic. But now I'm home again and due to the heat wave here I haven't even been able to get Maverik out of the house much. Erik leaves for work before the baby and I get up and he's home much later than we've gone to bed. I'm still on maternity leave, so I don't even have the stress and responsibilities of work to distract me from my absent husband. I secretly wish he would come home one day and say that he's taken a job working nine to five as an All-Clad cookware tester or something. He'd scoop up Maverik in his arms, grab me close and say that he'd never open a restaurant again, that he'd never travel again and that being close to his family means more to him than anything else in the world....

As reality has it though- I married a chef. A chef who loves what he does. A chef who usually works Monday to Friday, so I really can't complain. I hope I don't seem ungrateful, although I know I do. I just needed to vent about how rough the last two weeks were.

Food is Love,
Hilary 

My Version of...

The Chef and I met years ago and food brought us together. I had never met anyone as interested in all things culinary like myself, as my future husband. This mutual passion has been a constant in our relationship and I must admit I feel a little trashy.

You see, the chef became a professional gourmet but I just remained obsessed.

One might use the term “foodie” to describe my pursuits. I now shake my head in disapproval, as I have always shied away from the term, “foodie”. Somehow I associate it with the whore at the rock show who rolls up on the band just hopping to get a piece. A groupie, who can't play an instrument but loves to going to the show.

Food might as well be the sexy lead singer and wine, the shirt less drummer because I throw myself at them each and every time I get the chance. No reserve, just smutty abandon. It is out of control. I want to know the details - the how, the who, the what and why. And like any good groupie, I don't stop until I get what I want.
Maybe one day I'll write about my lecherous escapades and late night romps with the dynamic duo. A seedy memoir of sorts. Until then I’ll simply continue to ponder my own perverse psychology, wondering why I can never say no and why I always want more….

 -BK

Living in a Laboratory

From my friend, BK:

The chef and I moved into Brooklyn for more space. We knew this would be an easy task considering our first apartment was no larger than a furniture display at IKEA. Before moving, I dreamed of small dinner parties at an actual kitchen table and room on the counter top for things like a coffee maker.

I know, I know it’s the little things that make me happy….

The chef, however, had different plans. Room for the chef meant he could start a new food inspired hobby. I now live in a beta test kitchen for the chef’s microbrewery. My quirky yet adorable apartment smells like an unclean sports bar after a Big Ten football game. I spend my mornings tiptoeing around copper coils, bags of grain and carboys.

This might not be a problem for most people, but I am not graceful. I am not the girl that glides beautifully across the room. I am a100 pound bull in a china shop, smacking into everything on the floor.

Typically, I am overwhelmed by the chef’s enthusiasm for his career and his activities. Most of the time, I am a pretty awesome wife. However, the laboratory he has created now dominates my once clean kitchen. I love beer as much as the chef does but It’s difficult to throw a dinner party when the IPA is fermenting on the table. The process ends up looking like a dirty snow globe….exactly. Try and picture that.

Is it too much to ask for certain chef hobbies to be left at work? Do most chefs test their skills in their personal space? I need to know if this behavior is normal because I am about a 12oz. bottle of beer away from losing. my. mind.

Fresh Look On Things

As you know I'm in the process of giving CPR to my blog that is in need of some new life . I've teamed up with a fabulous chef wife who will be helping me keep it fresh and fabulous here. Before you read some great posts by my co-host, here is her introduction. Like I did in the infancy of this blog- she'll remain anonymous- you know how those chefs can be about their name being out there.

Meet my new pal:

I have been an avid reader of Desperate Chef Wives for some time now. I discovered Hilary and her blog shortly after she began writing. At the time, I had just moved across country with my husband in order for him to begin his professional career as a chef. Needless to say there were moments of loneliness. However, when I began to read Hilary's posts, that feeling dissipated.
Two years later and another move back across the country, I have learned an exceptional amount about the industry - for all it's faults and wonder. Now, Hilary is gracious enough to give me the opportunity to provide comfort, humor and fortitude in the same manner she provided me.
But who am I? Well first and foremost, I'm terrible at introductions. So rather than attempt to complete a clever and well-written description, I thought it would be best to unload a list of labels that give you a brief glimpse into my crazy little world....

Designer. City Dweller. Cocktail lover. Useless furniture collector. Lousy dinner cook. Wanna-be baker. Makeup obsessed. Beer advocator. Morning hater. High heel accumulator. Flea market shopper. Workout dodger. Roof top gardener. Wisecracker. Poor spelling skilled. Food captivated. Chef wife.

Again, I'm thrilled for the chance Hilary is giving all of us to connect and support one another. It takes a unique individual to live a life less ordinary and us wives, girlfriends and partners in this industry have quite a perspective. It's exciting to have a place to share the stories and anecdotes of our everyday experiences....all thanks to the first Desperate Chef Wife and happy new mother.....

It's Written On Her Face

Albrecht Durer painted "A Chef and his Wife". I absolutely LOVE the look on her face. What do you think? There has got to be a great story behind their relationship. She's thinking, "Why is there a live bird in my house? I clean and clean all day just for my chef to come home and make a mess in the kitchen. And look at his shirt! He's bursting at the seams, he hasn't shaved in days, well- he's making me a delicious meal and making enough money for me to buy this amazing head dress for my bad hair days...oh, I do love him so...

Food is Love,
Hilary

And the Winner Is/My Blog is Dead

The book contest winner, by random selection is DCW_Jess! Congrats Jess, email me your address so I can forward it to the publisher. Jess won a new hardback book by Jane Green-Promises to Keep.

In other-yet related-news this blog is totally dead! This contest only had 2 applicants! TWO! I know I have not been keeping up with it. I am completely brain dead when it comes to new topics. I want to write because this blog has given me so much as far as friends and personal relief- but for the life of me, I just can't come up with new material. And I suppose in a way I should be grateful because my life seems, well, balanced now. I have less of a NEED to write to cure my own insanities. My husband is still working crazy hours, especially now with the opening of a new restaurant in lower Manhattan. He still travels at length, his next trip will be Chicago for 4 weeks in September. Even though my chefwife life is still the same, I'm more content with it. More able to attach the challenges as they come and accept the difficulties that come with the territory. I love my life, like I always have, but now it's more peaceful.

I'm not sure of the future of this blog...we'll see.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Book Giveaway!

The good people at Viking have a copy of Promises to Keep by Jane Green ready to send out to a lucky Desperate ChefsWives reader. I've already started this novel about love and friendship and can't wait to finish it- in between midnight feeding and diaper changes. Of course the female chef character is one of my favorites a fresh change from the saturation of male chef characters in books and television.

Jane Green has written 12 other novels, several of which made the New York Times bestseller lists. She'll be on tour this summer as well.

New York, NY- Upper East Side Barnes and Nobles: Tuesday, June 22- 7 PM

Charlotte, NC- Sykes Learning Center at Queens University: Thursday, June 24-6:30 PM

Pawleys Island, SC- Litchfield Books' Movable Feast- Friday, July 2-12 PM

From Jane Green's website:

Callie Perry has a pretty perfect life. It may not be everyone’s idea of happiness – her husband spends more time travelling for his job as a commercials director than he does at home – but it works for her. It gives her time to work – she is a successful family photographer – and be around for her two kids, and her friends. She lives in Bedford, New York, is beloved by all who know her, and wakes up every morning grateful for how happy she is.

Her younger sister, Steffi, the baby of the family, has never grown up. In her early thirties and the epitome of a free spirit, she’s never held down a job, or a boyfriend, for longer than six months. Her latest incarnation is as a vegan chef. She’s living with the latest unsuitable man, in a sixth floor walk up in Soho, and her parents have almost given up hope that she’ll ever learn what it is to be responsible.

Lila Grossman is Callie’s best friend. Single, she’s finally met the man of her dreams. Ed has a son she adores, a crazy ex-wife she doesn’t, and she finally feels ready to settle down. If, that is, their goals are the same.

And then there are Callie and Steff’s parents. Walter and Honor . Divorced for almost thirty years, they haven’t spoken for most of that time. They may share two grown-up daughters, but it is agreed by all who knew them, they share little else.

Until they all receive a shocking phone call that changes their lives forever, and brings them all together one short, snowy winter.

Promises to Keep is about the hard choices we sometimes have to make; about having to be a child, long after you’ve grown up, and mostly, about the enduring nature of love.

Want a hardback copy of your very own? Just leave a comment sharing what you look for in a friend. Common interests? Companionship? A pal to laugh with? A serious soul sister? I'll chose a winner randomly on Sunday, June 20 so submit before then! Good Luck!!

Food is Love,

Hilary

Eat Chicago

Chefwife, Sondra, from Minneapolis, wants to plan a surprise trip to Chicago for her husband. What a great idea by the way! Her dilemma is that she has no idea where to take him to eat. And I have to admit, I have no clue either. She's seeking our help here. Does anyone know of some great places to eat in the windy city? Or even better, do your husband or boyfriends know of any great places to eat? Sondra is a bright lady and knows that chefs are not easy to please and won't be satisfied with the local Olive Garden or Red Lobster. She is interested in really impressing her man with some respectable and delicious food.

Erik recently bought a cookbook from a place called Alinea in Chicago. They've got fantastic reviews and I know a group of chefs who flew to Chicago just to eat there. That's a start-but it's all I've got-until I talk to Erik.

So let's get our ideas flowing and help out Sondra.

Thanks ladies.

Food is love,

Hilary

Maverik Hudson Battes

What a week! Last Friday Erik and I went to the hospital and had a beautiful, healthy baby boy! Maverik was born 6 pounds, 15 ounces, and 19 inches long. Everything went very well up until the point that Maverik was delivered. He came out great, but about 20 minutes passed before the placenta was delivered. As it turns out, I had an inverted uterus attached to the placenta and had to be rushed to the OR. I lost so much blood that I also had a blood transfusion. Needless to say, it was a crazy and terrifying night. Erik was a wreck while I was in the OR because he didn't know what was going on. My doctor was amazing-she is retiring this week and in all her career had never experienced this problem. But she studied in school and remembered what to do. If she had not acted as fast as she did I don't think I'd be typing this right now. A couple days later, I had to go back to the ER for some fluids due to complications with the transfusion. Then a day after that Maverik was taken to the NICU in an ambulance where were stayed for about 36 hours. The first week of Maverik's life we were at a doctor or hospital every day.

All of this still has not hit me. I'm trying to write about it in hopes that I might be able to get in touch with the trauma I experienced. We are home now and Erik is back to work.

I never appreciated life, family, or prayer as much as I do now.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Chef Advice

My younger sister is 15, and with the big wide world in front of her and she's trying to make sense of things and chose a career path. She's a competitive gymnast and cheerleader with great grades. But what does she want to do? COOK. She has a opportunity to spend the last two years of high school going to her regular high school in the morning then heading over to "cooking school" where she would simultaneously earn high school and college credits. The program is wonderful; my other sister when through a similar program- only she went to "zoo school" at the Columbus Zoo. I think it's a great idea, but my chef husband, on the other hand, is going to try his best to stop her.

Does it seem a little odd that my husband discourages people from going into the same industry that puts food on our table? It has nothing to do with my sister either; he tells everyone to avoid professionally cooking. His argument is that the industry isn't what most people think it is. I agree. My sister watches cake decorating shows and enjoys cooking very much-but does she really know what cooking in a restaurant entails? She wants to open a cake bakery: "Coco's Cakes". Does she know the road to get there can be scary and painful? Can she handle day work weeks including holidays and late nights? Then again, how can she know unless she tries?

But who knows, maybe she is tough enough. Is it Erik's job to simply present the facts of the industry or should he throw in his two cents and influence my sister? After all, she's only 15 so I think that she should go into the cooking school program , and in the end if she decides its not for her then she will have at least learned some useful skills.

Do your husbands and boyfriends encourage or discourage youngsters from entering the world of all things food.

Food is Love,

Hilary

(Un)Necessary Kitchen Product?

I saw a kooky kitchen gadgets on Jay Leno the other night. What do you think about them?

This odd looking alien thing is an auto stirrer for sauces. The Autonomous Saucier keeps the liquid moving in the pan while you occupy yourself with other cooking tasks. No more burned sauces. The product hails from recent Olympic break up-Canada and costs $40. Three silicone rubber feet turn around and keep the sauce moving.

Would you buy it? I might, as a gag gift.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Sugary Drink Tax?

NY Governor Paterson and NYC Mayor Bloomberg are supporting a tax on soda and other sugary drinks. The proposal is support by major groups and unions and also being fought by many others.

Let's start with the facts:

How much will the tax be? a penny-per-ounce excise tax

-12 cents per can
-$1.44 per 12 pack

Which products will be taxed? non-diet sodas and other drinks containing large amounts of added sugar,

What's the point? an economic incentive for children, adolescents and adults to reduce consumption of sugared beverages and choose healthier, lower-calorie alternatives such as water, low-fat milk, and diet soda

What's the OTHER point? $450 million in revenue from the tax this year ($1 billion over a full fiscal year) will be dedicated to preventing deeper cuts to health care programs at a time when the state must close an $8.2 billion deficit.

I got all of this info from the NY State website. Support of the proposal also comes from The Alliance for a Healthier NY.

New Yorkers Against Unfair Taxes has put together a petition with over 13,500 signatures to date.

Why they're upset:
-this tax hurts the people who can least afford it-the middle and lower classes
- 6,000 union jobs in the beverage industry will be lost
(taken from their website)

How do I feel about the tax? Well-to be honest I'm not sure. I don't drink sugar soda, but I do buy juices and really it doesn't matter about me because it's not a tax on Hilary's grocery bill only. As a citizen I have the option to make a choice about things that affect all the citizens around me.

It doesn't impress me that supporting the proposal are major groups and unions. As a member of the teacher's union I've been clumped into a group that supports certain politicians and proposals that I never supported as an individual.

I am a huge believer that childhood obesity is a major problem in the US and we are only doing about 5% of what should actually be done. Will a tax on sugary drinks stop people from buying them? Some yes, but enough to make a difference? I doubt it. I see the way that parents of my students and the students spend their money in the inner city here in New Jersey. Will a 12 cent increase on soda or those gross sugar chubs stop teenagers at the corner store and sway them toward a bottle of water? Not in my experience.

Think about adults. When we go out to dinner, the cheapest beverage to order is a glass of tap water. That certainly doesn't stop us from ordering a soda (diet or not) that's been marked up way too much or worse than that a &15 glass of wine that the restaurant spend for two bottles of the same drink.

Is it the government's job to stop obesity in this way? Should they be dictating what we buy based on taxes? I do think the government has a tremendous amount of power that potentially (key word) can be used to help us. Consider what happened after smoking was banned from most bars and restaurants around the country. To me, it's become more taboo and less cool for people to smoke. So how can we make poor eating habits less cool? If the government can do that-we might be set.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Baby Shower

Although it may be taboo or poor etiquette or whatever-Erik and I threw our own baby shower this weekend. Erik was able to showcase his talents and made the most delicious food. One of the (often overlooked) benefits of being married to chef. He made 36 hour roasted pork shoulder sandwiches with pickled jalapenos, baked beans, 5 cheese macaroni and cheese, cob salad, jalapeno mashed potatoes, and an assortment of artisnal cheeses and fresh salsa.

We received so many fantastic gifts, I finally feel relieved about being prepared for Maverik to come. I mean I'm still scared of course-but I feel better now that my house is filled with all the necessities. I feel so loved!

Food is Love,

Hilary

Guest Blogger: Jill

My story, complaints, fights, and concerns sound exactly like each and everyone of your stories. My story/relationship I thought ended with my chef two months ago.

I met my chef late night at a club in Atlantic City almost two years ago (no surprise there when else would I meet a chef). We had instant chemistry and became exclusive immediately. The first few months was a whirlwind of great restaurants, late nights and awesome food. When I first met my chef he had Sundays off and then that changed 2 months later where he worked the entire weekend. Reality started to set in when our only time together was spent on a Wednesday night, his hours were taking a toll on me and on the weekends I was left without a boyfriend.
The "talks" began a few months after we were dating...with me asking.."when are you going to have time for me? If we ever have a family when are you going to be around? How can you not have a
401k? Why do you work 60 hours a week for crappy pay?"

I love my chef very much and he had this great dream of opening his own restaurant. Every dollar he made he saved for this restaurant, which means he lived at home! He is 28 and I am 27 I own my home so you can understand the frustration of having a 28 year old bf who still lives with his parents so he can save money. And so in the back of my head I was always thinking..what about me? What about us and our future?
So my dreams of our life together had to involve his dream as well. I love my chef so much and I really thought he was the man for me, but what came with the package was this career, lifestyle and passion that
I didn’t understand. I tried to immerse myself into the culinary world. I found the chef wives blogs, watched the cooking shows etc. Every time that I would think of marrying him and starting a family I saw myself alone. This caused a lot of anxiety and fear. Then I realized I life like that will not make me happy and that I didn't want to marry a man who only has 1 day a week for me and 6 days with his job. The hardest part during my relationship was excepting that that is OK to feel that way. There is nothing wrong with me because I cant except a life like that. I tried to convince myself so many woman can HAPPILY be with their chef bf's or husbands why cant I. I just realized that I'm just not built that way, some people they can except it but I couldn’t. It was only thru talking to my friend when she said to me, "I couldn’t do it I couldn’t marry a man that works like that", for me to finally feel validated with my feelings.

So the best thing to do was come to terms with the fact that this is not the life for me. We were really starting to resent each other he wanted me to accept him for who he was and what he did (rightfully so) but I also wasn't happy. And the best thing we did for each other was give one another up. We mutually decided to break up in December…Now the key here is I never asked my chef to stop being a chef (I secretly hoped and prayed he would for my own selfish reasons) but when you truly love someone you want them to be happy. To be selfless is truly loving someone.


As of this writing it has been 2 months since our break up and more changes have taken place during this time then in the last year and a half I've known my chef. My chef soon after him and I broke up started calling me all the time and said he wanted me back. Then he said he was doing a lot of thinking about what he wanted out of life and said he just wants a wife and kids and that's what truly makes him happy. Then he told me he bought his own place. After a year and a half of b*tching to get him to move out he buys his own place within a matter of 2 months of us breaking up! AND THEN he called me said I have something to tell you...he said he was getting out of the restaurant business and is going back to school full time for. Nursing! I'm thinking WTF! Now these aren't things he's just "saying" he legitimately has bought his own place and he has enrolled in college. So where am I right now…dumbfounded. So I am taking it slow, he of course wants to get back together. To imagine a life with my chef in another career and for him to give up his dream of opening a new restaurant is hard to wrap my arms around. But he has convinced me that the restaurant industry doesn’t truly make him happy and doesn’t love him back the way I do. I'm excited for this new adventure to see where it takes us.

Lessons I've Learned Dating a Chef

1. Be honest with yourself with what you really want and what you can handle.
2. His career will NOT get easier it will only get tougher
3. Don’t ask if he's working on NYE or Valentines day the answer is always yes
4. Being alone will not kill you.
5. Wanting the same things in life is key to a successful relationship
6. Chefs are married to their careers
7. I learned I'm not ok with being with someone who is married to their career
8. I never want to be second to anyone's career nor do I deserve it.
9. Don’t ask someone to give up their happiness for you (i.e. their career and passion)
10. Don’t ever give up your own happiness for someone else.

Pizza Makes Me Smile

For the second year in a row Motorino restaurant in NYC (Brooklyn & East Village) has donated to my school's annual auction. Although I've yet to meet Alyssa, the chef wife of chef owner Mathieu Palombino, she generously put together a basket of Italian goodies for me to pick up. This was the perfect opportunity to head over to Motorino to try their pizza which is getting some amazing reviews and awards. This includes Best New Artisan Pie (2009) Time Out New York and "Best Pizza Place on the East Coast" by Rachel Ray. Help me out Alyssa if you've any other trophies to share.

Well, not only was the pizza absolutely delish with the light and airy dough, but we couldn't stop eating. We came in for ONE PIE. We had the sopressata piccante but halfway through decided we just had to try the brussels sprout pie that everyone has been raving about. I'm so glad we went for the second pie! I was overstuffed in the end, but it was well worth the slight abdominal pain. Pizza makes me smile.

What really made me smile though was the note Alyssa left on her bag of auction goodies I was picking up.

"You don't want to be the guy keeping a pregnant woman from her pizza. TRUST ME." Beautifully worded my friend.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Worst Holiday Ever *UPDATED

For anyone in a relationship with a chef or restaurant employee you know how nuts Valentine's Day can be. First of all, whether or not your significant other is scheduled to work-you know they are busting their tail making pre fixe dinners on the 14th. And if you happen to have the day off with your main squeeze, are you willing to go out and eat on such a busy night?

Oh course Erik is working on Valentine's Day and at first I thought I'd head over to BLT Fish and do the usual dinner for one at the bar then head home with Erik after he wraps things up. But as it turns out-I'm tired at 7 months pregnant! I'm not going out in the dead of winter to eat alone. So my second choice was to celebrate V Day on Monday since I assumed Erik would take Monday off. Well, I assumed wrong. Valentine's is erased this year.

What are your plans? Does your chef have the day off? Will you enjoy a romantic dinner for two? Massages? Chocolates? Roses? Or something unique and completely off the wall.

Food is Love,

Hilary

UPDATE**********

Last night around midnight when Erik came home he handed me a Valentine's Day card. I suppose it was the perfect time to exchange the cards since we weren't going to be together on Sunday. And really, my main disappointment was never about the holiday itself, but the fact that the last three weeks Erik has been either out of town or working like crazy. I was dreading another long lonely weekend. After I opened the card he handed me a bag of sour Skittles-man does this guy know me. I opened the bag to find a bright green note inside. I knew right away that it must be a Valentine's Day plot, but I couldn't figure out how he did it. The my great surprise the note said that not only did he have his normal Sunday off but that we would be eating at Jean-Georges's Nougatine. And the best part-he had known for DAYS that he had the day off. I can't believe he didn't spill the beans. I am blessed to be able to spend time with Erik. Perfect Valentine's Day gift.

HeART Contest from POM Wonderful

My dear friends over at POM Wonderful are celebrating Valentine's Day and American Heart Month with a special art contest. The rules are simple:

1. Create an original, heart-themed work of art.
> Use any medium.
> Incorporate the POM Wonderful logo, including both the words “POM” and “Wonderful.”
> Use any type of POM packaging in your art piece (optional).

2. Take a high quality photo of your masterpiece 2Mg (maximum).
3. Register in the POM Community or log in if you have a profile.
4. Upload your photo using the form below. Include title and explanation of your work.

And the prizes are GREAT!!

Grand Prize: A POM Gift Basket including a Flip Video, a $100.00 American Express gift card, a $250.00 donation to The American Heart Association in your name and more.

Community Prize: A Wonderful POM Pack of POM Products including 100% POM Juice, POMx Coffee, POMx Bars and a POM Backpack.

Good Luck!!

Hilary

Blog Awards: When Life Hands You Lemons

My friend blogger at Go Erin Go! gave me the When Life Hands You Lemons Award. I'm so touched!

Perry St's Vodka-Thyme Lemonade

Tina Rupp

The rules for this award are simple:

I am to thank the giver of the award and link to their blog. (see above) I am supposed to share 5 things about myself. And I am supposed to link to 5 new blogging recipients of my choosing and notify them. So ...

5 things about me:

1. My current obsession is Farmville on Facebook. And not surprising either. My not-so-secret pipe dream is have a hobby farm someday. A few cows, a couple llamas, some goats, and a coop full of chickens.

2. I'm a Christian. I believe Jesus is the son of God and that he came to Earth to live, teach, and eventually die for the sins of all human beings. I respect all religions and believe that as long as people are living a life that is beneficial to themselves and others then the world will spin beautifully.

3. I just read the book Mindset and I highly recommend it. Technically it's a "self help" book but really it just teaches the reader that there are ways to handle life's "lemons" other than puckering up the sour tastes.

4. For 7 years I played the band in middle school and high school and I miss reading music terribly. I wish I had time to play the shaker in a jazz band or even the courage to play Old MacDonald for my second graders.

5. I'm 8 weeks away from giving birth and I LOVE being pregnant. But I refuse to be one of those people who say dumb things to moms like "When are you having another baby?" or "My friend said they were going back to work after the baby and they didn't so you probably won't either." It is possible to be a mom and WANT to work at the same time.

This is where I'm supposed to list 5 blogs written by people who have made lemonade out of lemons. I'd rather expand my own horizons by asking you all to suggest blogs you think fit this description. So let's hear it!!!

Food is Love,
Hilary

The Gift of Giving

Come mid-March I'll be home awaiting the arrival of Baby Maverik. I'll be so sad not to be working, and if it were 100% up to me I'd work up until active labor kicks in. I'm going to work as hard as I'm able to so that I can stay connected to school for a smoother return come September. I'd like to help out with the annual spring auction fundraiser by reaching out to my chefwife friends for support.

Does your husband have a cookbook to donate? A restaurant gift certificate? A new set of cooking tools? Items are donated to my charter school (which receives less than 65% of the budget of the public schools) and then bid on by parents and staff. This event is our most beneficial fundraiser. If you're able to make a donation (monetary or otherwise) I'd be happy to pass along our tax ID number so that you can receive just one of benefits of giving to others.

If you know someone or an organization that is willing to make a donation to my school, please pass along my email to them. Thank you in advance.

desperatechefswives@gmail.com

Food is Love,
Hilary

Calling All Wives!

Lauren, a writer I recently met, is writing an article and would like some input from wives/girlfriends of chefs and other restaurant people. See her note below.


Four years ago, my father's close friend, a chef, committed suicide by driving his car down the wrong side of the interstate and crashing into an 18-wheeler. He died almost instantly. His two small children in the back seat of the car were not hurt. At the time, I wondered what could drive a person to do this and if it had anything to do with the ups and downs of his culinary career.

I am now writing an article about substance abuse and depression in the food service industry. I know it's prevalent - government studies have confirmed that - but I don't think the general public is really aware of these trends.

I am looking for chefs in the NYC area who have struggled with alcohol, depression and/or drug use on the job. I am looking for candid stories from people who don't mind talking on the record.

The article is being edited by an editor at New York Magazine, and will be pitched to another publication later this spring.

The best way to reach me is laurensausser@gmail.com

Thanks, Lauren

Here I Am!!

I know it had been a terribly long time since I've wrote anything. I wish I could write here more.

My recovery from the accident has been progressing well. Over the Christmas break I went to my folks house in Columbus, Ohio and didn't really do much of anything. Well, I ate a lot and went shopping a few times, but overall I took it easy. Around New Year's Eve my knee finally stopped hurting me. I'm able to walk fine now, but I am suffering from some severe back pain. I'm sure it's a combination of my third trimester and the accident. I have less than 10 weeks until Maverik Hudson is born! I can't believe it!!

Erik chose the name and it grew on me quite quickly. We love the fact that it's unique and it means "independent thinker". Plus, you'll notice the spelling of ERIK in MAVERIK too. Erik thought of that too. I chose the middle name after the Hudson River. We lived along the Hudson since we moved to the east coast over five years ago. We've been driving up and down it, traveling by train underneath it, and laying in the grass along it- I just love that river.

Along to some restaurant info...

Citysearch.com is looking for people who love going out in the city and want the chance to win cool stuff just for writing Citysearch reviews of places they’re going to anyway. It isn't just a program for aspiring writers, either. Anyone is eligible and everyone who participates will rack up rewards (think free meals, free booze, free stuff, access to exclusive Citysearch events, etc). Some contributors will also have the chance to join their editorial team eventually as professional, paid freelance writers, with their articles featured on the homepage.

Anyway, if you are interested, you can sign up at: http://newyork.citysearch.com/members/start . Just let
Keith Wagstaff know when you’ve reviewed anything and he’ll mark it down so you can get free stuff.

Keith Wagstaff

City Editor
P: (212) 373-7761 F: (212) 586-2098
keith.wagstaff@citysearch.com

Food is Love,

Hilary

Guest Blogger: John

Dear Chef Wives,

I'm not sure if anyone has done this yet, but if not then id love to be the first. Id like to give you a look inside the mind of a chef in a relationship. A little back story, I'm a 18 year old cook who has been in the industry sense I was 13. In the past two years I have been working more and more in my current restaurant where I am now a sous chef. As I have moved up through the ranks my hours have increased putting a serious strain on my relationship. When I was fifteen I met my ex-girlfriend Lyndsay, who I dated for two years and nine months, in the end she cheated on me, and when I asked why she would do this to someone she loved I realized the nature of the beast, "I wasn't getting the attention I deserved, your always to busy with your job.". I was left heart broken, and confused. Following this relationship I focused on my work, until I met my girlfriend Christine who had been a friend for many years. We started dating and were both very busy with our job, she works in retail so she works nights as well, but then things began to fall apart, I would come home after 10 hour work days and 5 hours of school, to not being able to see her because she was out with friends, slowly this began to come to a end and then we split up.

Currently Christine and I are beginning to get back together, but here is what I don't understand and maybe you woman may help me find a answer, why do friends come before your significant other? I mean I understand you have to hangout with friends, there important to, but shouldn't I get some attention, is it really enough to see her every other couple of days for a hour or so? For example: today I went to her house because she wanted to "see me", I was very excited as I have this week off from work while the restaurant is closed, she was off tonight as well, I walked in, got a kiss, and then heard "alright ill call you later, I gotta go get ready, i a\m going out with the girls tonight". Don't get me wrong I truly love Christine, I always have and so has she but I just don't know how to fix this issue.

But here is my point I really want to point out is us chefs really do try, we really do love you, and we really do think about you while were on the line. All of the cooks I work with are married and we do have a serious commitment to our relationships. I really hope no one out there thinks we don't care just because were busy, we really do wanna be with you. When I met Christine I made the point that I do work a lot and have a serious commitment to my job and food and she does understand and I'm very blessed. I understand how hard it is to be in a relationship with a chef, we tend to be a bit grouchy and I truly respect all of you out there willing to try a relationship with us. Just please understand we want to be next to you ever second just like you want to.

Regards,

John