Forgot To Tell You

Ok, so maybe I didn't really forget. I actually battled on both opposing front lines of "I should" and "I shouldn't". But after a long bloody battle, I've decided it's really only 5% bragging, not sure what the other 95% is, but here I am sharing anyways.


Erik was honored by Zagat as one of New York City's 30 under 30. We are both so proud, especially to be recognized by such an influential company as Zagat. And yes, he's back at Jean Georges. It's really the only place he should be, too. I feel like we are home. Yes, we. Every change he makes, is a change I make. I adore Jean-Georges and Erik's other chef mentor, Greg Brainin. They both played and continue to play a vital role in my husband's career. I respect them both in every sense of the word. Along with Erik's new chef de cuisine position, we've certainly dug our roots deep here in New York- we close on our first house on Tuesday.
Food is Love,
Hilary

Erik Battes, 28
Chef de Cuisine, Jean Georges

-By Kathleen Squires

Jean-Georges Vongerichten had his eye on this rising star since Battes first stepped into the kitchen at Jean Georges as a 19-year-old CIA extern. Battes briefly moved on to Los Angeles to work at Water Grill under chef Michael Ciramusti, but soon found himself back at Jean Georges as a line cook. A year later, he helped openPerry St., where he was eventually promoted to chef de cuisine. But Battes felt the need to spread his wings, so he flew the JGV coop once again, this time to BLT Restaurants as a corporate chef. He couldn’t resist the lure of his mentor, however, as Battes has been recently named the chef de cuisine who will lead JGV’s flagship though its spring renovation.

But We Knew All of This

I've met plenty of chefs' wives and girlfriends to know that the biggest complaint is a close tie between the lifestyle of a chef's widow and the insult of the completely opposite fantasy world that most other people think you live in.

"Your husband must cook for your every night."- no

"Your husband should go on Top Chef"- why?

"I bet you eat so well"- yeah, at other people's restaurants

Sure it's frustrating, but how can we blame the uninformed public. They have no idea what it's like to marry a chef restaurant. Well fear no more ladies, the word is getting out there. With the hype of chefmania at its peak, other wives and girlfriends are sharing the truth:

The Date Report written by this blogger Frites and Fries

Just remember who was on the scene first bringing us all together. I kid, I kid. I love all the wives. 

Food is Love, 

Hilary 

Cheating with his Career

Comment from a reader on Are The Wives Doomed? How can we help this lovely chefwife out? I'd love to see many comments, which would give our friend here a cornucopia of our genius. 


I am just discovering this site, and read through all these comments... and my question is: is anyone Christian and has advice on how to make it work with a chef? How do you prioritize God- then Husband- then Family... when your chef is only prioritizing CHEF??

I am married to a chef/owner- 10 years- been together for 13 years- have a almost 3 and a 4 year old- and we are all *suffering* in this lifestyle. Back in the day I was the first to say how great being with a chef was- I had so much freedom to do what I wanted and still had a man that came home every night (eventually)... but I was lying to myself to make my situation seem ok because the loneliness and being second to a career is not the way we are supposed to live our lives. Chef first is NOT natural. Now, I understand there is a lot more that goes into all of our stories... it is hard to sum it up... but I had thought we were "soul mates"...but the whole time he has been cheating on me- with his career. 



First of all, I don't see why he can't be your soul mate just because he put his career. I don't use the term often, but my chef husband is still my soul mate even though he doesn't always put me a notch above his career. If a soul mate is a person who is absolutely perfect, then they are as impossible to find as mother who doesn't guilt, or a child who doesn't cry. And as far as lying to yourself- I know about that. Read it in a book I think, because it certainly would never occur to me to lie in order to create a facade for my family and friends. And if my writing skills are lacking here I'll go ahead and say I'm being facetious. I don't blame you for doing it. It worked for you at the time, it got you through. 


Have you told your husband any of this? Does he know how you feel about it priorities vs. yours? My number advice is always the same: communicate. Tell him as directly as you can what is happening for you. If at all possible avoid yelling, criticising, blaming, or worst of all, nagging. If Tim and Nina Zagat could rate my nagging, I'd get a 30. And considering your close relationship with God, I'm sure you've already prayed about it, but what about praying together? 


I can't wait to hear what the rest of the ladies have to say. 


Food is Love, 
Hilary 

So Where Are We?

I wish, I absolutely wish I had more time to blog. But as it goes, my plate is full, no pun intended. I'm teaching middle school (oh, the lovelies), running a school, house hunting, rearing a two year old, potty training a two year old, praying for chemo to kill all the cancer cells in my momma, and keeping my head above water- just barely above water. I just haven't got the time to spend blogging and again, I'd like to invite you to write a personal blog of your story: struggles and successes.

I love the way this blog brings women together and I need to keep that going.

Oh, and a bit of personal news: My husband Erik is the new Chef de Cuisine at Jean George. His first job was at jean George when he was 19. Now nearly 10 years later, he's back full circle. I couldn't be prouder, and he couldn't be prouder.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Single Chef Seeking Night Owl

Dating is hard enough without the added pressure of being a chef. I received a comment today and thought I'd help this lady out by asking all of you for advice. If we put all of our genius together, we should be able to get this lady on the right track.

So my issue comes from a different part of the spectrum. I am a 29 year old female chef trying to date!! Any suggestions with this? I am trying the online dating route and everyone seems to be working when I am off and off when I am working. I am going out of my mind! There is a high percentage of chefs dating other chefs but I am not interested in dating a co-worker to keep things professional. Any help out there? 
Thanks! 

My suggestion would be to make the most of your days off. Best case scenario, you have two days off that can be used to getting out there and meeting people. Although bars are so cliche, I wonder if there are any lounges where you live? Have you tried to ask your friend if they have single friends? And I completely agree that dating a co-worker is unprofessional, and oftentimes sticky, I do think that another chef at a different restaurant might not be a bad idea. Do you live in NY? I know a guy who may have access to several chefs...

Food is Love, 

Hilary 

Truth Is...

My friend Kerilyn over at Married to a Chef has asked several women to share their thoughts on the marriage-chef-children system. Take a look at what I've written.

And don't forget, Kerilyn is having a get-together in NYC this weekend for anyone who is interested in making a connection.

Food is Love,
Hilary

NY Magazine Lifts The Veil on Fine Dining

An anonymous Per Se waiter reveals some of the most intimate and surprising details of his job. The part that touched me the most and in fact brought a tear to my eye: "There’s nothing more fun than to wait on someone who is genuinely interested in the food. You’ll get a couple that comes in, and this is their one time a year, and they’re just so happy to be at the restaurant. There was this kid blogger, he was like 16 or 17, and he had blogged about how he was saving up his allowance to come to Per Se. And he did. He came by himself and had lunch."

For other workplace 'snitch' articles from the most recent New York Magazine issue, including a teacher, a banker, a bikini waxer, an ER doctor, and many more, see here. 

Food is Love,
Hilary

Pool the Wives

Kerilyn Russo of Married to a Chef is hosting a gathering of chefs' wives/girlfriends and any significant others this month.  Russo is a certified life coach with a new website geared toward supporting those who support the chefs.  Her home base is the DC area and those wives meet on a regular basis.

Saturday, January 21
2PM
Ink48 Hotel- Print Restaurant


For more information visit Married to a Chef. And don't forget to visit Kerilyn's Facebook Page. 

Hope to see you there!

Food is Love,
hilary

The Today Show with My Chef!

**Update** Erik will no longer be presenting the dishes he put together for the Today Show segment. A different chef will. yep. different chef. 




This Sunday my fabulous chef husband will be doing a segment on tailgating for The Today Show weekend edition! I think I'm more excited than he is. He'll be cooking some fabulous burgers and other tailgating goodies from the Go Burger restaurants located in Los Angeles and New York. Although I won't be on air with Erik, Maverik and I will be the exuberant pair of fans leaning on the metal gates outside. I'm not sure of the exact times of the segment, but he doesn't have the be there until 8 AM so it's sometime after that. Set your DVRs people- this is HUGE (or us at least). 

GO Burger

Los Angeles

6290 Sunset Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA 90028

New York

1448 2nd Avenue
(bet. 75th and 76th Street)
New York, NY 10021

Food is Love, 

Hilary 

8 Day Work Week

There's a common idea in our lovely little community that being a chef wife and mother is akin to being a single mother. Why is that notion so common? Because it's true! With a little work and time I think anyone can make the best of the rough situation. But what happens when your rough situation gets even rougher? 

Just when I was getting a handle on teaching and managing a middle school over 40 hours a week with a toddler at home who I never spend enough time with and a husband who gets a random "weekend" each week--BOOM. Now he's working every day. I know chefs work insane hours and days and I know my husband isn't the only chef working like  a dog, but COME ON, 7 days??! And this week, when my nearly two year old was too sick to go to school, I was the one who used up two sick days since Erik is just too important to. Some days I feel spread so thin I could just peel away like stretched silly putty. My arms would dangle and wiggle dropping the numerous bags I haul to daycare, school, the park, the doctor, the mall, and back home again at some point. And then...the Saint Jude telethon comes on and realize, after all, I am the luckiest woman in the world. 

Food is Love,

Hilary