Without giving away too many details that really aren't mine to giveaway, Erik was given an opportunity- a fabulous opportunity to be the chef at a new restaurant. But I am not thrilled, not at all. It would mean moving to Chicago. It's not the moving that concerns me, it's not the thought of having to find a new babysitter or house, it's not even the thought of having to search and land a new job. The single greatest reason that I didn't say yes right away is my career here.
Yes ladies and gentlemen, the wives of chefs DO have careers. No, I don't mean hosting gala dinners or starring on a real housewives show. I mean a career. I am lucky enough to work at an amazing inner city school that is RUN BY TEACHERS. I am one of those teachers. And although I am part of a large group of teachers/administrators, and I work during the summer, late nights and even some Saturdays, I still get paid $47, 723.
But it seems that Erik thinks because I make less than him, because I'm not motivated by awards, recognition, or reviews for what I do-well it must not be that important. If I got an incredible teaching or administrative opportunity that required us to move Erik wouldn't do it. Not ever. So what is my value? How do the votes work around here? Do I get a certain percentage of votes based on my salary? Isn't everything equal? 50/50? HA, not in this world. No way. Let's not forget I moved to NY 7 years ago, transfered schools and uprooted my whole life to be with Erik. It was a great decision that afforded us both some amazing opportunities, including the job I've got now.
I'm torn about this whole thing. A marriage is a partnership of two people willing to make sacrifices for each other. So am I a bad wife for not wanting to move? Is is he a bad husband for asking me to? If we go then I'll resent him for taking away a job that gives me opportunities to grow and learn that I wouldn't find anywhere else. And if I say no, then Erik will resent me as he reads all the articles about how fabulous the new chef in Chicago is doing. Who wins? Who loses? And why does it always have to feel that way?
Sometimes it feels as if Erik is a teacher hater just like the rest of America is right now. But I know he's not. He adores what I do and he is my biggest fan. It's just that for Erik, the chef coats are gleaming a brighter white than the chalk on my board.
Food is Love,
Hilary