The New Taboo

Destiny's Child sang about it. So did Shania Twain. And we all know "I am Woman Hear Me Roar". But what have these songs and other messages of female independence done to us?

I've found that women today, have a new taboo. It certainly isn't abortion, tampons, or breastfeeding. Oh no, we pride ourselves on being able to talk about all of those things. The new taboo, is dependence. You heard it ladies! So pick up the the latte you bought with your own income, because this is about to get real.

I've met a lot of women through this blog and most of them have serious issues with feeling neglected/unloved/not payed attention to/unappreciated/not cared about/ etcetera etcetera. And all of those women, including myself, make a point to say:

"But I'm an independent woman....I work full time...I have my own set of friends...I don't NEED a husband/boyfriend..."

As if being a dependent woman is such a horrible thing. Many women today look down on their non-working sisters, and the distinction is drawn even clearer when we talk about working and non-working mothers. Something happened after the women's rights movement. We gained so much, but lost a bit too. After all, how can a person even be in a relationship if there isn't some dependence involved? If you don't depend on a person, aren't they just, a stranger?

Let me tell you, I depend on my husband for many, many things. And I'll be quite transparent and share a few here...yes this is just a small portion of things I count on my husband for.

1. To love me.

2. To supplement my income. I've been teaching for several years now and I make $50,000.

3. To lift heavy things when I'm pregnant. And sometimes when I'm not pregnant.

4. To support me in general, but particularly my job. (teachers get abused all the time)

5. To do his fair share to maintain our home, which includes raising our boys.


Dependence is not a sign of weakness. In fact, I believe it to be a sign of strength. It takes trust to depend on a person and it takes strength to trust a person. So if you feel angry that your chef forgot your birthday or left you waiting until 3am where he was, well, that's perfectly natural. you should be mad, you've been let down. I'm not saying we need to start baking apple pies and make martinis for our chefs when they get home. But I do think we need to acknowledge that we are not as independent as Beyonce wants us to be.


Food is Love,
Hilary

50 Things

Once I saw this list, I just had to retweet it.

50 Things They Never Told You About Being A Chef

Some of my favorites include:

#2 You'll never meet new people because your social life deteriorates into non-existance.

#13- 15  Your feet, back and hands will get destroyed.
#24 Your shortest work days will be longer than   most people's longest...
I read them with Erik and we both agreed that about 90% of these situations apply to him. when you pile it all up into this list, this is once crazy,upside down industry.

So what do you think? How accurate is this list? Would it have stopped your chef from being a chef?

Food is Love,
Hilary

Who is the Sous?

She's young. She's talented. She's hot. She's passionate about food. And your husband just hired her as his sous chef.

Yes, imagine that. A chefwife recently confided to me her fears of a similar situation in her own life. So how do you cope? Do you through doubt out and believe in your chef as a trustworthy man? And if so, will that even work after a few 80 hours have gone by with his new sous?

Perhaps you take a different route and you check his texts in the middle of the night. You hack into his Facebook, possibly create a fake account. You question his every move, smell his clothes and check for lipstick on his collar. You ask him to check in frequently and maybe, just maybe if he doesn't check in as often as you'd like, you call in a favor to a cook at his restaurant to fill you in on the chef's ins and outs....of the restaurant of course.

Infidelity in the restaurant industry is an issue that often arises here between the Desperate Chefs' Wives. How do we tackle this? I'll be honest, I don't think about it. Ever. But I've also been with Erik since 7th grade and I've never had to think about it. I'd bet that women who have been cheated on before, especially by the chef they are with, will experience more fears than those who haven't. But that's just a guess. Can anyone confirm?

Food is Love,
Hilary