Cooking Relay

Once in a while having a chef husband who comes home sometime after Jay Leno starts but before Jimmy Fallon ends, is quite beneficial. Last night I started a brisket going at 6 and he finished it off around midnight. I've also got a clean kitchen and a serving ready for my lunch at work. Teacher often team teach together, but I've never heard of chefs co-cookings. I think this may work more often...

Food is Love,
Hilary

This Lonely Life

Today, and this whole week really, is one of those times when I feel as if I've been kidding myself every time I say that I'm used to being married to a chef. Who am I trying to convince anyway? Yes, I have come a long way from a whinny, complaining, glass-half-empty person, but I'm not living in some deranged stepford wife bubble. I'm lonely and I'm bored.

Erik has been working 6 or 7 day weeks putting in nearly 90 hours a week to open a new restaurant in the Financial District. I was lucky enough to get out of the house yesterday, sans Baby, and treat my friend to a "friends and family" lunch at the restaurant. But that was really just a sliver of normalcy.

I got back from visiting my family in Ohio a couple weeks ago. I spent two weeks there, and it was great. I was able to introduce Maverik to most of my family and enjoy all the benefits of grandparents. My mom put him down for his naps everyday and watched him so I could go to the gym with my sisters, lay out and otherwise not be tethered to the baby. It was fantastic. But now I'm home again and due to the heat wave here I haven't even been able to get Maverik out of the house much. Erik leaves for work before the baby and I get up and he's home much later than we've gone to bed. I'm still on maternity leave, so I don't even have the stress and responsibilities of work to distract me from my absent husband. I secretly wish he would come home one day and say that he's taken a job working nine to five as an All-Clad cookware tester or something. He'd scoop up Maverik in his arms, grab me close and say that he'd never open a restaurant again, that he'd never travel again and that being close to his family means more to him than anything else in the world....

As reality has it though- I married a chef. A chef who loves what he does. A chef who usually works Monday to Friday, so I really can't complain. I hope I don't seem ungrateful, although I know I do. I just needed to vent about how rough the last two weeks were.

Food is Love,
Hilary 

Baby Shower

Although it may be taboo or poor etiquette or whatever-Erik and I threw our own baby shower this weekend. Erik was able to showcase his talents and made the most delicious food. One of the (often overlooked) benefits of being married to chef. He made 36 hour roasted pork shoulder sandwiches with pickled jalapenos, baked beans, 5 cheese macaroni and cheese, cob salad, jalapeno mashed potatoes, and an assortment of artisnal cheeses and fresh salsa.

We received so many fantastic gifts, I finally feel relieved about being prepared for Maverik to come. I mean I'm still scared of course-but I feel better now that my house is filled with all the necessities. I feel so loved!

Food is Love,

Hilary

Depression

I had no idea how many wives and girlfriends were concerned about their chef's emotional well being. When I posted the last entry I expected advice to come flooding in from you all, but instead I learned that run down, worn out, depressed chefs are more common that I thought. After reading all of the comments it seems like most of these men are suffering from exhaustion. Keep in mind that I don't know any of these people, only what has been shared with us on this blog. But I do think that depression is a characteristic of over worked chefs that no one is interested in writing about. We've read all about chefs and how much they love to eat and drink after hours. They've been called womanizers and drug addicts and their lives have been glamorized as such. But behind the closed doors of our homes, these chefs are struggling to become something great and make a living to support themselves and loved ones all while cooking, prepping, hiring, firing, ordering and receiving.

My advice? Well, I'm not an expert but I do have a perspective that I think might help some. I think there are some questions that need to be asked. For instance, is there a purpose to all of the work? Line cooks and even sous chefs will work very hard, but if the goal is to become an executive chef and work up through the ranks of a restaurant, then keep at it. There will come a time when the long nights get slightly shorter and the payoff will come. But if the goal is to cook and go home, then there is no reason to work in an environment that isn't conducive to a healthy emotional life. Also, who is training your chef? If these men are working under a 4 star executive chef with a lot of knowledge available, then keep at it. But working under a chef that isn't willing to train and guide isn't worth any sort of heartache or pain.

Talk to your chefs. Tell them how worried and scared you are that they are too overworked to enjoy life. I know my concerns often come out as nagging, so I have to work very hard to make sure that I express myself in a loving way-not an angry way. And let me tell you-I'm still working on it.

Food is Love,
Hilary

This Wife Can Cook

With Erik gone in Charlotte, I've been left to my own devices. I'm totally capable of cleaning, paying bills, feeding cats, and maintaining hygiene. But at the beginning of the month I was nervous for my own health that I'd end up polishing off a box of corn dogs or buried under salt and vinegar chips. As it turns out, I'm not half bad at cooking. I never gave myself a chance to cook because Erik always made a large meal or two at the beginning of the week. Not only that, but I grew up on mid-western semi-poor people food and I'm not above eating vegetables from a can or making mashed potatoes from a box. Erik on the other hand, doesn't really like having that stuff around. Well Erik ain't here now.

I'm no "king of the kitchen" but I can certainly hold my own enough to keep me fed and satisfied. Erik comes home Sunday and I'm curious to see how the chef reacts to another cook in his kitchen. I won't be taking over or anything but there will be a few new rules around here.

1. Vegetables-fresh or canned- will be served with every meal.

2. More chicken, less ground beef.

This shouldn't be too much of a change so I think the chef will be able to deal.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Chef + Wife + BABY

A while back, I would spend my time vacuuming and planning. I had a big production planned to tell Erik I was pregnant. This of course was a long time before I was ever even planning to have children. ...He would be working at Perry St, I would come in late, just before closing glowing with a content grin on my face. Someone would tell him to come upstairs because I woman was about to tell her husband she's pregnant. He'd come up and look for the woman, and then he'd see me and I'd nod my head and smile... If you're a fan of I Love Lucy like I am ( I own every episode) then you know this is very similar to the way she told Ricky she was pregnant.

Well, that fantasy is still just a fantasy. After realizing Erik did not want a production when he found out, I had to scratch everything. It was for the better anyways since I can never keep a secret from Erik. We were watching TV on a random Wednesday that he and I had off and Erik suggested I take the test. So a little while later I snuck away and took it. I know the box says to wait 2 minutes but that thing went positive in about 2 seconds. But I still waited 2 minutes. I told Erik to check the test in the bathroom and look for a plus sign.....I've never been as happy as that moment with Erik. He was in shock for 4 days until he got the handshake from my doctor. Moments later the whole Jean-Georges company knew, including my chef wife pal, J.

In the end, I'm glad I didn't take the test alone. The last 5 years it has been just Erik and I out here and we've had to do everything with just each other. And now, we'll be raising a baby on our own. It's not ideal, but it is just the way it is.

I'm ten weeks along, due March 30. I will be finding out the gender as soon as Erik gets back from is 4 week Charlotte opening. Except for some pregnancy acne(ugh!) everything is great so far!

Food is Love,

Hilary

Goodbye Perry St

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

Big changes around here. After working for Jean -Georges since his externship at the CIA, Erik is moving on to new challenges. And I have a feeling this is harder for me than it is for him. First of all, (agree or disagree) you all know how involved I am in my chef's career. I've met so many people in the past 7 years. Most of the cooks, chefs, GMs, and wives have come and gone as the industry tends to dictate, but I'll be continuing to connect with some dear friends long after my midnight visits to Perry St cease to occur. I'm not sure how how the new company will react to my blog so to keep on the safe side I'll keep some things on the qt for a while. What I can say is that I'm about to deal with something many of you know about: traveling. I knew this when Erik accepted his new job, and I'm going to do my best to get through it. Expect most posts to come in September when Erik will be gone for 4 weeks. Yep.

I'm thrilled for the new job and apprehensive at the same time, especially about the traveling. But I'll count on you ladies to help get me through that-should I need it. August brings two fresh starts: Erik's new job and a new school year.

January 2006, New Fulton Fish Market

Original Perry St crew from right to left:

Erik Battes, Justin Basdarich, Greg Brainin, Paul Eschbach, Greg Vernick, Jean-Georges

Believe it or not, three and half years later and all theses guys (now except Erik) still work somewhere within the JGV company. Despite what some may say, JG is a great man to work for. And who better to take over the chef de cuisine position at Perry St than Jean-Georges's own son, Cedric.

Adios Perry St.

Food is Love,

Hilary

BBQ Road Trippin'

I came across a new blog today and I just have to share it with you since it involves a chef and his wife. Pete Daversa, the Pitmaster at one of my favorite go-to restaurants, Hill Country is going on a BBQ tour. Traveling with Pete is his wife, Kristin and dog, Marley. They're traveling to BBQ joints East of the Mississippi and writing about the sights, sounds, and food on the way.

I would love to go on a food tour with Erik, but I don't think I'd choose BBQ. I'd love to go on a burrito tour in the southwest. I'm all about cilantro, cheese, avocados, and sour cream covering a couple scoop-fulls of meat, wrapped in a soft flour tortilla. 

BBQ Road Trippin'

Don't forget, there is still time to get a free Ben & Jerry's ice cream!! CLICK HERE

Food is Love, 

Hilary

Would anyone else want to road trip it with their chef (should they have the time off)? And where would you go? What would you eat?

Creating a New Normal

Taking photos with giant veggies....this is normal.

In the movie Food Inc., there was a women who lost her young son due to E.Coli in a hamburger. She said something that stuck with me and I think we can all apply it to our lives-especially being married to chefs. She said that after losing her son, she didn't want pity. She had a hard time dealing with but she "created a new normal". Our lives aren't really normal, especially those of us who have chefs who work late nights and holidays. We don't have the lives that society says are normal so we have to accept that and normalize what we do have. A normal weekend becomes Sunday Monday, a normal Valentine's day is days before or after the actual holiday, and married mother's feel like single moms.

A commenter, Allie, wondered how I could possibly keep my mind of Erik working so much just because I'd be away in Cape Cod. Well, that's easy-that's my normal. Being without Erik is pretty normal for me, but being without him so long is really tough. Keeping busy with my own things seems to really help during times like these. This is especially true since I only see my family twice a year. (they live in Columbus, Ohio)

So, make a new normal for your life. Our lives are like no one else's and it's better to embrace what we have then focus on what we don't. And I hope I don't sound to much like an overpaid life coach, because I just want to share what helps me.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Don't Steal My Chef

I know there are misconceptions out there about the glamorous lives of chefs, but I've had another first hand experience with someone thinking my husband is some sort of "perfect husband". Spare me.

Erik needs to take a sleep test this week and the woman at the sleep center who is setting everything up for us is so sweet. At first she only said, "I'm sure your husband won't even eat the free breakfast we offer, since he's a chef". Free breakfast? He'll take two! Then last night when Erik was talking to her she joked that the only reason I was staying overnight with Erik was so that I could make sure no one would steal my chefhusband. I'm actually going for moral support, but she's one of the many who see an alluring lifestyle that chefs lead. And to be completely honest with you, I fall victim to it as well.

Although I know first hand of the non-classy and non-exciting parts of being married to a chef I seem to think that the big wig chefs like Jean-Georges Vongerichten, Thomas Keller, and the like have incredibly desirable lives all equipped with long vacations on French beaches and smart parties on yachts. I suppose the grass always seems greener even when you know first hand that it's not.

Food is Love,
Hilary

New Toys

The chef's birthday is May 28, exactly two months after mine. Older and wiser. He begged for this super expensive Nikon D5000 camera. Arg. Of course, he had to set his heart on something that should be equal to three or four birthdays combined. But he has it now. I thought that would be the end of camera-talk, camera-websites, and camera nonsense. HA. I got home at 5:15 today and I haven't said more than a few words to the chef who's been to preoccupied with his new toy to notice me.

I'm really glad he has this new hobby, but this is my only night of the work week to have an adult conversation after spending all day with second graders. Oh, I love doing voices when I read, tying shoelaces, and grading papers but I'm only human and I need something stimulating. I guess I can't expect Erik to drop all of his interests to spend his only free time with me. And if that's going to be true then I've got to make sure I'm not sacrificing my independence either. It's 8:20 PM and I'm going to bed to read a book.

Food is Love

Hilary

Time to Say Goodbye

Like clockwork, my mind and body seem to drastically change every Saturday at 11:30 AM. I wake up a happy, well-slept woman of the weekend. I catch some lame yet addicting Saturday morning TV. I grade a few papers, write my math plans for the following week, and get dressed. Erik wakes up and we usually have breakfast together and chat about the Sunday ahead. But right at 11:30 when the chef is dressed and hovering around the door gathering headphones, keys, and glasses I get struck by a lightening bolt of rage and sadness. I don't even know it's coming, but Erik always does. I start getting mad at him for leaving without actually articulating that feeling. I refuse to kiss him goodbye, I complain about something useless and inevitably he leaves on a sour note because I got moody all of the sudden.

We've realized this happens now and we've started to talk about it, but it's not until 11:28 that we're both catching on to this rage. I seem to survive Tuesday through Friday because I leave first to go to work. There is something much different about Erik leaving first on Saturdays. I'm the one being abandoned. I know you're all thinking I'm a drama queen using the word "abandoned" but I'm just in touch with my feelings. (Group therapy once a week and I'm not afraid to say that.) And what does abandonment mean to me? It's a feeling that I would guess a lot of other chefswives can relate to. I connect to the feeling, remembering my past and being abandoned, so to speak, as a child. I don't want to be left alone all day. Once the chef is at work and cooking and ordering, yelling and cleaning I'm fine. It's those moments around the door that I dread.

An easy fix would be simple: get myself out of the house on Saturdays before Erik goes to Perry St. But I'm not interested in quick fixes and patch ups. I want to correct the issue completely. I think I've already started that by talking about it here on the blog. Perhaps next week will be a little easier now that I've released some of the negative feelings associated with the chef leaving. Time will tell.

Actually the chef and I are going to a wedding next week! The general manager at Perry St is getting married on Long Island and Erik is working the AM only so we can go. I'm so excited! A wedding is like a romantic date wrapped in cake complete with champagne and a conga line.

Food is Love
Hilary

Food Is Love

Per my own advice I decided to tell the chef that I wanted and needed him to cook more for me. We talked about the impact of food and in the end we both agreed: Food Is Love. I've always known this to be true since working at my charter school (one of the original 13 in NJ). When children steal food it's not because they are bad or seeking attention or hungry. It's because they crave nurturing and food is a way to be nurtured-either acquired legally or not. It breaks my heart when a student steals because it raises the question, "What is really going on here?" It's never about the food. Think back to your own childhood and I'm sure you can related many loving memories to food. Your parents could have been the worst cooks but the food came from them and it meant something. I'll never forget how my family spend most nights choosing things from the Wendy's value menu. That fast food and the process of getting it had a powerful impact on me.

I've also learned that one way to impact a child and show them love (in a politically correct, 2009-way) is to give them food. In the beginning of this school year I knew a particular second grader would give me some grief. She didn't have the best upbringing so far, but it was getting better. I worked it out that I gave her some food from the cafeteria each morning. She could have gotten it during breakfast but I made sure I was the one handing it to her. It was always something small like a package of gram crackers or a bag or animal crackers. That student has made a complete turn around and she doesn't know it but she'll be student of the month this June. Of course, it's not all due to my giving her food each morning, but it certainly helped to strengthen our relationship. If you get love, you give love.

Last night I was treated to sautéed Sea Scallops with Lemon Braised Artichokes, Asparagus and Spring Onion with Bacon-Fat Mashed Potatoes. It was fantastic. I definitely experience umami after the scallops. I can't wait to leftovers tonight. And the best part is that Erik and I decided to make a big meal like this on a regular basis.

Food Is Love
DCW_NYC
-Hilary-

Stopping Power

I read other blogs written by chefswives (see the DCW blogs on the right) and I've noticed that other chefs seem to cook more for their wives. Ah, yes I remember a time when my chef would cook a couple days a week. What happened? It's been months since he's made anything using his chef skills. Don't get me wrong, I love pasta with sausage, but any Food Network fan can make that. I want some scallops, butter sauce, bitter greens salad. I want wine with my meals, and I want to use a napkin and sit at the kitchen table! Our table seats six and the only time anyone sits here is to use the computer.

I've asked Erik to make more food at home, and he did, once. I don't want to push it too much because I know he doesn't really like cooking at home. Perks of being married to a chef?-yeah right. It's not even about the food either. It's about feeling worthy of some attention and feeling cared about. Any Peter Eater with a ressy to Perry St gets the 3 star treatment from Erik. Just not his wife; it's sad really.

We'll see what happens when he reads this.

DCW_NYC
-Hilary-

To B(aby) or Not to B(aby)

I'm faced with one of the toughest dilemmas I've had in several years. I'm ready to start planning a family, but Erik isn't. I feel as if we've hit a brick wall. We've been together since freshman year in high school and married for 3.5 years. I'm 26 years old. I just feel ready. I always knew I wanted to have children, but Erik and I super-planners. When we couldn't afford children with our time and money we put the thought out of our mind. I don't know exactly what is different this time around, but I am ready. I know it's going to be tough. I know my life with change. No more Sunday date nights and getting up at 1AM for my chef. 1 AM will be reserved for the baby. I know my apartment is small, but I'm telling you-I'm ready.

Sometimes Erik is really excited about it too. We talk about furniture, space, names, possible problems and solutions too. But then sometimes I'll say something like.."when the baby comes..." and then he acts like we've never talked about it. I'm stuck! I don't want to pressure Erik, but I worry that if I left the decision up to him, we'd have our first child at 32. I'm not waiting that long. I feel like I've waited long enough and my heart is aching for a child.

I'm realizing now that Erik is going to read this and freak. He'll probably be mad that I'm sharing something so personal. But if I can be honest about my life and share true trials that I have, then this blog will be more authentic. I can't be the only women who feels conflicted about children.

DCW_NYC
-Hilary-

The Reverse Effect

Just leave me alone. Did I just say that?

As you all know very well, chefs work a tremendous amount of time each week. And as far as my life goes I see my chef for about an hour when he gets home from work sometime after midnight each night. That is, with the exception of Sundays and Mondays. We spend Sundays together doing any number of normal semi-newly-wed activities. We see movies, go grocery shipping, get haircuts (we have the same hairdresser), eat brunch in the city, eat burgers local, go to the mall, walk the waterfront, and so on and so forth. Then Monday comes.

Most of the time I have fabulous Mondays. I get through my work day knowing that Erik is at home waiting for me. Such a treat! When I get home we might make dinner together, go out to eat, or even go ice skating across the street.

Some Mondays are awful! Keep in mind I spend Tuesday through Saturday alone. I come home, check my emails, blog, read, grade papers, make dinner, make my lunch for the next day, shower, watch some TV, make tea, facebook my brother, and a number of other solo activities. So once in a while when I come home on a Monday I just need some "me" time. I want to check my emails and change out of my teacher clothes and just do my own thing. But the chef is over hollering from the couch that he wants to go out to dinner. Well, keep in mind I'm staring at the bag of empty Chinese food containers by the door. So he woke up at 4, ordered Chinese food and now he wants to go out to eat. Come on! Oh yeah, he ran the dishwasher. Amazing. He didn't clean the bathroom because he said it doesn't need it. Really? It's a bathroom! Home to poo, pee, earwax, and slime in the sink. I'm pretty sure it should be cleaned every week-at the very least. But what do I know.

Needless to say, today was one of those Mondays. I don't know what to do. We've been arguing ever since I got home and just can't seem to shake it. So I was honest and said I need to spend the rest of the night alone. Well, that was easy when I was taking a shower and now writing this blog. But now I'm bored and he's hogging the good TV playing a video game.

Am I terrible? I know my time is limited with my chef. I appreciate the moments we spend together, I do. But he's kind of being a jerk today. And I know I am too. But at least I admitted it. I know why I'm cranky. I came home aready pretty tired and on top of that, for an hour we just yammered on about what we wanted to do tonight. Every time he suggested something and I agreed he'd change his mind and say, "Never mind, I don't want to do that now."

So it's 6:30 now and I'm wrapping up this blog post thinking it's going to be a long night.

DCW_NYC
-Hilary-

Apple Pickins

Last Monday while laying in bed enjoying my Columbus Day off, Erik and I decided at the last minute to go apple picking. We went to the same orchard that we went to last year, Barton Orchards in Dutchess County New York.

Check out Erik juggling some apples! We had such a great time picking apples, and although against orchard rules, we climbed trees like two little kids. The Hudson Valley is such a beautiful place and a perfect escape from the city.

Since we were so close so our old 'hood we drove by the "garden" apartment we used to live in. Wow, we've come a long way. Our new condo isn't drafty, potheads don't live all around us...at least that we know of, and we have wood floors instead of industrial carpet. But our old town of Wappingers Falls isn't all a mess like the apartments we lived in. We made a pit stop at Planet Wings for two #1s with hot sauce and Dr. Pepper...and 30 more wings to last us for a couple days. Then we headed over to Gymnastics City where I coached gymnastics and cheerleading before moving to Jersey City. It was so nice to see everyone I used to work with and even some of the kids I taught. If I had time and less residual back pain I'd love to get back into coaching. Maybe after I retire.

DCW_NYC

-Hilary-