Status Update

After reading my post about being super lonely I realize how depressed I seemed. Funny too, since that wasn't even the lowest point of the last few weeks. I felt as if Erik and I trudged through one of the toughest times in our relationship (excluding highly hormonal high school fights). The extra days and hours that he's been gone really built up seemed to drag me down. After talking about it, yelling and crying about it we both finally saw each other's perspectives. I admitted as well to driving him away- wanting him to feel as miserable and lonely as I did. I'm only human. It still sucks not seeing Erik as much as I'd like and even worse- knowing Maverik only gets half an hour with his dad in the morning. These trying times will make us all stronger. 

Food is Love, 

Hilary

The Big D

And I'm not talking about cup size here- The big D-divorce. We are long past the days of after school specials and sit-coms preaching to us that its never the fault of the kids and all that stuff. Is it just me or was the concept of divorce more talked about in the 80s? Nonetheless, divorce still happens. All the time. Both Erik and I are the children of divorced parents, but so what to me. All the family drama I have has nothing to do with the fact that my parents aren't married. I'm sure things would be intolerable if they had, in fact, remained wed.

In high stress marriages such as being married to a chef I would imagine that the idea of divorce comes up often. Not often as in every month, but often as in many of these types of relationships must be strained. I'll be honest and say the idea has floated through my mind in the heat of arguments, but I've never considered it an option. I love my husband and  although the pain of being without him most days and nights does exist, it certainly doesn't weigh enough on me to call it quits. But I'd be the first person to understand that these types of relationships don't always work.

Has anyone considered divorce? Been through it yourself? Maybe your relationship with your chef is your second marriage....or his? Of course-your comments are encouraged to be as anonymous as you like.

I suppose my purpose in writing this is to see if there is anyone out there who is contemplating the big D and is in need of an ear and an audience to give constructive advice and encouragement.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Creating a New Normal

Taking photos with giant veggies....this is normal.

In the movie Food Inc., there was a women who lost her young son due to E.Coli in a hamburger. She said something that stuck with me and I think we can all apply it to our lives-especially being married to chefs. She said that after losing her son, she didn't want pity. She had a hard time dealing with but she "created a new normal". Our lives aren't really normal, especially those of us who have chefs who work late nights and holidays. We don't have the lives that society says are normal so we have to accept that and normalize what we do have. A normal weekend becomes Sunday Monday, a normal Valentine's day is days before or after the actual holiday, and married mother's feel like single moms.

A commenter, Allie, wondered how I could possibly keep my mind of Erik working so much just because I'd be away in Cape Cod. Well, that's easy-that's my normal. Being without Erik is pretty normal for me, but being without him so long is really tough. Keeping busy with my own things seems to really help during times like these. This is especially true since I only see my family twice a year. (they live in Columbus, Ohio)

So, make a new normal for your life. Our lives are like no one else's and it's better to embrace what we have then focus on what we don't. And I hope I don't sound to much like an overpaid life coach, because I just want to share what helps me.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Chef and Wife

Liberty Church, where I tied the knot.

Thanks to everyone who wrote such honest and authentic comments for the last two posts. Divorce is a serious issue and we've all had to approach it. Everyone who makes the vows of marriage also makes a commitment to do everything they can to avoid the big D. Actually I've lost a couple participants to this site because they've since dumped their chefs. In the end it's about being a good fit for each other.

I think "mplschefwife" (Mineapolis ChefWife) said it best in her comment. She says that it's important for wives to support their husbands, no matter the career. And I agree. I'd also like to take it one step further and say that husbands should support their wives as well. We should all be each other's biggest fans.

Marriage is tough work. The rewards are great, I mean having a lifelong companion and lover is a beautiful thing, but it certainly doesn't come without its difficulties- no matter who you're married to.



DCW_NYC
-Hilary-