Speak Up

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Status Update

After reading my post about being super lonely I realize how depressed I seemed. Funny too, since that wasn't even the lowest point of the last few weeks. I felt as if Erik and I trudged through one of the toughest times in our relationship (excluding highly hormonal high school fights). The extra days and hours that he's been gone really built up seemed to drag me down. After talking about it, yelling and crying about it we both finally saw each other's perspectives. I admitted as well to driving him away- wanting him to feel as miserable and lonely as I did. I'm only human. It still sucks not seeing Erik as much as I'd like and even worse- knowing Maverik only gets half an hour with his dad in the morning. These trying times will make us all stronger. 

Food is Love, 


ch said...

Hi Hilary,
You've really gotten us to open up with the big D post. I think it is so important that we hear each others stories to know we're not alone.
Again, thank you for giving us a place to open up.
As for your current question...Is it the profession or the professional? In my case it is most definitely the profession. Last year when my hubby was out of work for about six month, interestingly, in many ways it was the best six months of our lives. Our marriage and friendship were stronger than ever! For us, the more time we spend together the better our relationship. It is when we are apart that our relationship suffers. That is why we are trying to figure out a business that we can do together. We are a great team!(I guess that's why some husbands and wifes open restaurants together)
I definitely think the answer will be different for each of us, depending on personality.
But I can say, in my case, it is the profession.(I can get into more specifics about the details of the profession that bother me the most,at another time:))
I hope you have a good weekend. Hang in there. We are all here for you.

ch said...

I just wanted to add... Please don't get me wrong, I am very very grateful that my husband has a job that can support the family.And there are some major benefits to his current job, like being 5 minutes for home.:)

Goodness said...

Hi Hilary,

I've just gotten back into blogging and I felt as though I should leave a comment here because you're the one that kind of inspired me to start again. I read your blog because I was feeling the need someone, anyone, securing my thoughts about my boyfriend who to is a chef. Everyone around me was telling me how hard it's going to be cause he's never around and it wasn't as if I didn't know it was true. And around him all his friends were old and single because they didn't have time for a relationship. So I read your posts, you're earlier ones and it made me feel so much better realizing that other people are in this situation as well and it can work out if both people in the relationship work at it. And honestly, at this time our relationship is the best it's ever been because both of us understand each others perspectives on how hard it is and how hard it's going to become but at the end of the day we care about each other so much that those things don't matter. I read your blog on the Big D and wow, I mean we're not married or anything or close to it but I do have times were I feel as if breaking up would be easiest, but I think its the worst thing to think of when I think back because I can't imagine my life without him now. He's given me so much and I've grown into this mature person I never thought I would have become, he's changed my life for the better. Anyways, I just thank you so much for starting this amazing blog and hope that some day my boyfriend and I will be in complete blis as you feel towards your husband.

- Anna

Anonymous said...

I am new to this blog, I found this website and it is nice to read about people with the same feelings as me! I am a chef girlfriend of 2 yrs and it has been extremely tough. I feel like I am becoming more and more sad and lonely - and all we argue about is his work sched. I know I want to stay with him but it's so hard to find chef girlfriends to relate to!! Doesn't help that my family lives 3000 miles away :( Why does it seem that all the guys in the kitchen are always single and I can never find chef gfs to talk to!?

K-M said...

Hi Hilary (and chef wives)!

I'm writing to say that yes,things do make you stronger. I've posted a few times this blog now expressing my frustration and feelings of "going at it alone." My most recent post (a month or so ago) expressed the fact that my boyfriend of almost three years and I were, in fact, in the process of splitting up because of our schedules. Today I'm writing to say that we made it through and are stronger than ever. The later post on this blog about "not hating the player and hating the game" hit it right on the head. We actually NEEDED to get that close to ending our relationship to be able to focus on what the problem really was. After discussing (and discussing and discussing) we came to an understanding that we just weren't on the same page. He couldn't understand why I just couldn't see his side and I couldn't understand why he didn't feel as lonely as I did all the time. I've never worked in the food industry and he's actually never had a day job, so you can see how different our worlds are. Bottom line, is that I learned that I wasn't upset with our relationship together as people, I was frustrated at where are relationship was concerning time. TIME!! What is that anyway?? I want to spend the rest of my life with him and I was willing to give it all up because I'm not happy RIGHT NOW at THIS MOMENT. Where will we be in ten years? Who knows. All I know is that I have control over the time we DO spend together and the power to make the best of that. That's good enough for me. I've LEARNED to find myself even more than in the past because I have the time to myself I need to focus on ME. After all, isn't that what we all really need sometimes? I do still get lonely, of course, but isn't that what friends are for?

Keep your chin up ladies, and I know that not all situations are similar...but it IS possible to find ways around the frustration. Remember the love you have for each other through the muck of the industry and you'll survive. THIS moment is temporary and any other is completely unknown. Embrace the challenge of finding new moments to cherish rather than focusing on those that aren't so awesome.

Much love and a giant group hug,