Speak Up

Friday, February 27, 2015

"Good Cop, Bad Cop" or "Good Cop, Mom"

Ever since Adam and Eve first disciplined little Cain and Able, parenting roles have been split into two groups: good cops and bad cops. In my house however, the roles are most aligned to good cop and mom. I'm always the bad cop. 

All week long I'm saying, "No, you can't watch TV tonight...hang up your coat... I'm sorry if you don't like the potatoes, but that's whats for dinner...NO biting! (insert hot sauce into toddlers mouth)...Did you wash your hair yet?...Blow your nose...harder...harder. 

Then there is the chefhusand who only sees the kids on Sundays and gets to say fun things like, "Let's go to lunch...Of course we can wrestle...Who wants dessert?...Sure, I'll build Legos...You want to watch another show?

I know I will always be more of the heavy with the kids, and I'm fine with that. After all, I'm a teacher- I basically study children all day long. I have an understanding of what I expect from my boys and I know how to get it. But we have to be able to draw the line somewhere. I know that Erik feels guilty for not spending time with the boys more. I get that. But he can't undo all my hard work in one short day. I actually think the best fix for this would be for us to switch roles-if only one day a week. The kids need to see Erik has an authority and they also need to see me as a fun mom. I take care of the kids all week and then have to be the disciplinarian on top of that. Erik needs a slice of that. I can't have all the fun. ;-)

I'd love any ideas that work for your families. 

Food is love, 


Anonymous said...

Hi Hilary,

I've been dating the man I'm with for 8 months now. He's a chef in center city Philadelphia at a nice restaurant... I'm having some tough time with the loneliness. He works 50-60 hours a week and on top of that is trying to create a name for himself in the arts which he devotes 10-20 hours a week to. I want to support him and give him the space he needs and the time he needs, but I'm also terribly lonely, in the past week I've only seen him maybe three times, each for a couple hours and then we either sleep and I leave for work or class in the morning or it's during the daytime and we get lunch and then part ways. He's always been terrible at keeping in touch via text and sleeps until late in the day on his days off because he is exhausted from working... How do I deal with this? How do I communicate that I need more without taking away from the time he needs for his own life? I am so conflicted because I feel overbearing by asking him all of the time what his days are off, if he wants to do anything, if he wants to come over late, when he will be done with things, etc. but I just miss him.


a. pepper said...

Don't leave again! I thought I was the only one! Well, I knew I couldn't be the only one, there are a lot of chefs out there. My boyfriend lost his license 1 1/2 years ago because of a DUI (shocking I know) and we have a 8 month old. I have been pregnant, and birthed a baby all the while driving him to work and home. I refer to myself as a solo parent. He still stays out till all hours of the night, "just chilling" I wonder what is going to happen when he gets his license back, but he just says things will be different. UGH, that was a lot. Anyway, I look forward to reading your adventure. Chef Wives Unite! (we should have a support group or something)