Speak Up

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Tell Me!

A solid marriage should be based on a many number of things. Trust, love, friendship, respect...I'm sure you could all add some of your own. But what about communication? Yes, discussing concerns and being honest is necessary but I'm wondering how much communication is necessary regarding each others' careers. By the end of September, Erik will know all the names of my students, which ones are struggling in math, and which ones make me laugh. But sometimes I feel like Erik only shares his work stories when they're pleasant.

Last Monday his phone rang and I could tell right away by his tone that it was the kitchen calling. Later while we were shopping he got another call, this time sounding more intense and worried. Finally, at the end of the day he got another call and went into the bedroom and closed the door! What the heck is going on? I couldn't even spy. I asked him several times throughout the day what was going on, but he didn't want to spill it. Eventually when Erik was able to relax about the situation he told me about it and it really wasn't a big deal.

So how come he doesn't want to talk about it? I feel useless if I can't console him about kitchen nightmares (ha ha). But seriously people, I feel so left out when I don't know everything. I suppose I should try and relax about it, and trust that if Erik needed to vent he could.



Anonymous said...


I notice that sometimes people don't vent about a problem until they figure out a resolution. Eric may have been pre-occupied with a solution and needed time to think of one, two, etc...

I for one am that way, I cannot think with someone asking me "whats wrong" while I am thinking of a solution. I am more at ease talking about it when I have figured things out.

Matsugen did well in both the Times and Post today. Congrats to "the boss and his partners!"


One Fat Chef said...

I feel like guys and girls are just so different. We really do come from different planets!

Hilary Battes said...

Different planets, indeed. But yes, Passion is right too. Erik must need time to sort through the situation before talking about it with me. And now that I think about it, when Erik shares bad news from work, I probably stress him out more because I get just as heated and worried about it as he does. Sometimes more!

Anonymous said...

The same thing happens with my chef. I tell him every thing exciting/bad/terrible/amazing with my life, my job, basically everything that he is not physically part of. Yet he rarely tells me anything to do with what's happening at work unless I irk it out of him. He's told me that it's because he spends SO MUCH TIME in the kitchen (vs how much time we spend physically at our 9-5s) and he lives so much of that restaurant life that when he gets home, he just wants to shrug it off and be done with it. It's late, and he does not want to talk about what he had to deal with all the time. And while working in the restaurant is very rewarding, it is also mixed with an intense amount of frustration, fatigue, anger, and chaos. He wants to forget that when he's with you! So you are definitely not alone... and I would feel the same way when he wouldn't tell me a thing (in fact, neglect to tell me IMPORTANT events happening with his chef career) but I realized it's just his way of relaxing after the job.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I find when my chef does this exact thing you are speaking of it is because he screwed up something at the restaraunt(which rarely happens).And I think it's embarrassing that they actualy made a mistake so they don't want to talk about it. Maybe not what's going on with your guy but just an idea.