Baby Shower

Although it may be taboo or poor etiquette or whatever-Erik and I threw our own baby shower this weekend. Erik was able to showcase his talents and made the most delicious food. One of the (often overlooked) benefits of being married to chef. He made 36 hour roasted pork shoulder sandwiches with pickled jalapenos, baked beans, 5 cheese macaroni and cheese, cob salad, jalapeno mashed potatoes, and an assortment of artisnal cheeses and fresh salsa.

We received so many fantastic gifts, I finally feel relieved about being prepared for Maverik to come. I mean I'm still scared of course-but I feel better now that my house is filled with all the necessities. I feel so loved!

Food is Love,

Hilary

Guest Blogger: Jill

My story, complaints, fights, and concerns sound exactly like each and everyone of your stories. My story/relationship I thought ended with my chef two months ago.

I met my chef late night at a club in Atlantic City almost two years ago (no surprise there when else would I meet a chef). We had instant chemistry and became exclusive immediately. The first few months was a whirlwind of great restaurants, late nights and awesome food. When I first met my chef he had Sundays off and then that changed 2 months later where he worked the entire weekend. Reality started to set in when our only time together was spent on a Wednesday night, his hours were taking a toll on me and on the weekends I was left without a boyfriend.
The "talks" began a few months after we were dating...with me asking.."when are you going to have time for me? If we ever have a family when are you going to be around? How can you not have a
401k? Why do you work 60 hours a week for crappy pay?"

I love my chef very much and he had this great dream of opening his own restaurant. Every dollar he made he saved for this restaurant, which means he lived at home! He is 28 and I am 27 I own my home so you can understand the frustration of having a 28 year old bf who still lives with his parents so he can save money. And so in the back of my head I was always thinking..what about me? What about us and our future?
So my dreams of our life together had to involve his dream as well. I love my chef so much and I really thought he was the man for me, but what came with the package was this career, lifestyle and passion that
I didn’t understand. I tried to immerse myself into the culinary world. I found the chef wives blogs, watched the cooking shows etc. Every time that I would think of marrying him and starting a family I saw myself alone. This caused a lot of anxiety and fear. Then I realized I life like that will not make me happy and that I didn't want to marry a man who only has 1 day a week for me and 6 days with his job. The hardest part during my relationship was excepting that that is OK to feel that way. There is nothing wrong with me because I cant except a life like that. I tried to convince myself so many woman can HAPPILY be with their chef bf's or husbands why cant I. I just realized that I'm just not built that way, some people they can except it but I couldn’t. It was only thru talking to my friend when she said to me, "I couldn’t do it I couldn’t marry a man that works like that", for me to finally feel validated with my feelings.

So the best thing to do was come to terms with the fact that this is not the life for me. We were really starting to resent each other he wanted me to accept him for who he was and what he did (rightfully so) but I also wasn't happy. And the best thing we did for each other was give one another up. We mutually decided to break up in December…Now the key here is I never asked my chef to stop being a chef (I secretly hoped and prayed he would for my own selfish reasons) but when you truly love someone you want them to be happy. To be selfless is truly loving someone.


As of this writing it has been 2 months since our break up and more changes have taken place during this time then in the last year and a half I've known my chef. My chef soon after him and I broke up started calling me all the time and said he wanted me back. Then he said he was doing a lot of thinking about what he wanted out of life and said he just wants a wife and kids and that's what truly makes him happy. Then he told me he bought his own place. After a year and a half of b*tching to get him to move out he buys his own place within a matter of 2 months of us breaking up! AND THEN he called me said I have something to tell you...he said he was getting out of the restaurant business and is going back to school full time for. Nursing! I'm thinking WTF! Now these aren't things he's just "saying" he legitimately has bought his own place and he has enrolled in college. So where am I right now…dumbfounded. So I am taking it slow, he of course wants to get back together. To imagine a life with my chef in another career and for him to give up his dream of opening a new restaurant is hard to wrap my arms around. But he has convinced me that the restaurant industry doesn’t truly make him happy and doesn’t love him back the way I do. I'm excited for this new adventure to see where it takes us.

Lessons I've Learned Dating a Chef

1. Be honest with yourself with what you really want and what you can handle.
2. His career will NOT get easier it will only get tougher
3. Don’t ask if he's working on NYE or Valentines day the answer is always yes
4. Being alone will not kill you.
5. Wanting the same things in life is key to a successful relationship
6. Chefs are married to their careers
7. I learned I'm not ok with being with someone who is married to their career
8. I never want to be second to anyone's career nor do I deserve it.
9. Don’t ask someone to give up their happiness for you (i.e. their career and passion)
10. Don’t ever give up your own happiness for someone else.

Pizza Makes Me Smile

For the second year in a row Motorino restaurant in NYC (Brooklyn & East Village) has donated to my school's annual auction. Although I've yet to meet Alyssa, the chef wife of chef owner Mathieu Palombino, she generously put together a basket of Italian goodies for me to pick up. This was the perfect opportunity to head over to Motorino to try their pizza which is getting some amazing reviews and awards. This includes Best New Artisan Pie (2009) Time Out New York and "Best Pizza Place on the East Coast" by Rachel Ray. Help me out Alyssa if you've any other trophies to share.

Well, not only was the pizza absolutely delish with the light and airy dough, but we couldn't stop eating. We came in for ONE PIE. We had the sopressata piccante but halfway through decided we just had to try the brussels sprout pie that everyone has been raving about. I'm so glad we went for the second pie! I was overstuffed in the end, but it was well worth the slight abdominal pain. Pizza makes me smile.

What really made me smile though was the note Alyssa left on her bag of auction goodies I was picking up.

"You don't want to be the guy keeping a pregnant woman from her pizza. TRUST ME." Beautifully worded my friend.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Worst Holiday Ever *UPDATED

For anyone in a relationship with a chef or restaurant employee you know how nuts Valentine's Day can be. First of all, whether or not your significant other is scheduled to work-you know they are busting their tail making pre fixe dinners on the 14th. And if you happen to have the day off with your main squeeze, are you willing to go out and eat on such a busy night?

Oh course Erik is working on Valentine's Day and at first I thought I'd head over to BLT Fish and do the usual dinner for one at the bar then head home with Erik after he wraps things up. But as it turns out-I'm tired at 7 months pregnant! I'm not going out in the dead of winter to eat alone. So my second choice was to celebrate V Day on Monday since I assumed Erik would take Monday off. Well, I assumed wrong. Valentine's is erased this year.

What are your plans? Does your chef have the day off? Will you enjoy a romantic dinner for two? Massages? Chocolates? Roses? Or something unique and completely off the wall.

Food is Love,

Hilary

UPDATE**********

Last night around midnight when Erik came home he handed me a Valentine's Day card. I suppose it was the perfect time to exchange the cards since we weren't going to be together on Sunday. And really, my main disappointment was never about the holiday itself, but the fact that the last three weeks Erik has been either out of town or working like crazy. I was dreading another long lonely weekend. After I opened the card he handed me a bag of sour Skittles-man does this guy know me. I opened the bag to find a bright green note inside. I knew right away that it must be a Valentine's Day plot, but I couldn't figure out how he did it. The my great surprise the note said that not only did he have his normal Sunday off but that we would be eating at Jean-Georges's Nougatine. And the best part-he had known for DAYS that he had the day off. I can't believe he didn't spill the beans. I am blessed to be able to spend time with Erik. Perfect Valentine's Day gift.

HeART Contest from POM Wonderful

My dear friends over at POM Wonderful are celebrating Valentine's Day and American Heart Month with a special art contest. The rules are simple:

1. Create an original, heart-themed work of art.
> Use any medium.
> Incorporate the POM Wonderful logo, including both the words “POM” and “Wonderful.”
> Use any type of POM packaging in your art piece (optional).

2. Take a high quality photo of your masterpiece 2Mg (maximum).
3. Register in the POM Community or log in if you have a profile.
4. Upload your photo using the form below. Include title and explanation of your work.

And the prizes are GREAT!!

Grand Prize: A POM Gift Basket including a Flip Video, a $100.00 American Express gift card, a $250.00 donation to The American Heart Association in your name and more.

Community Prize: A Wonderful POM Pack of POM Products including 100% POM Juice, POMx Coffee, POMx Bars and a POM Backpack.

Good Luck!!

Hilary

Blog Awards: When Life Hands You Lemons

My friend blogger at Go Erin Go! gave me the When Life Hands You Lemons Award. I'm so touched!

Perry St's Vodka-Thyme Lemonade

Tina Rupp

The rules for this award are simple:

I am to thank the giver of the award and link to their blog. (see above) I am supposed to share 5 things about myself. And I am supposed to link to 5 new blogging recipients of my choosing and notify them. So ...

5 things about me:

1. My current obsession is Farmville on Facebook. And not surprising either. My not-so-secret pipe dream is have a hobby farm someday. A few cows, a couple llamas, some goats, and a coop full of chickens.

2. I'm a Christian. I believe Jesus is the son of God and that he came to Earth to live, teach, and eventually die for the sins of all human beings. I respect all religions and believe that as long as people are living a life that is beneficial to themselves and others then the world will spin beautifully.

3. I just read the book Mindset and I highly recommend it. Technically it's a "self help" book but really it just teaches the reader that there are ways to handle life's "lemons" other than puckering up the sour tastes.

4. For 7 years I played the band in middle school and high school and I miss reading music terribly. I wish I had time to play the shaker in a jazz band or even the courage to play Old MacDonald for my second graders.

5. I'm 8 weeks away from giving birth and I LOVE being pregnant. But I refuse to be one of those people who say dumb things to moms like "When are you having another baby?" or "My friend said they were going back to work after the baby and they didn't so you probably won't either." It is possible to be a mom and WANT to work at the same time.

This is where I'm supposed to list 5 blogs written by people who have made lemonade out of lemons. I'd rather expand my own horizons by asking you all to suggest blogs you think fit this description. So let's hear it!!!

Food is Love,
Hilary

The Gift of Giving

Come mid-March I'll be home awaiting the arrival of Baby Maverik. I'll be so sad not to be working, and if it were 100% up to me I'd work up until active labor kicks in. I'm going to work as hard as I'm able to so that I can stay connected to school for a smoother return come September. I'd like to help out with the annual spring auction fundraiser by reaching out to my chefwife friends for support.

Does your husband have a cookbook to donate? A restaurant gift certificate? A new set of cooking tools? Items are donated to my charter school (which receives less than 65% of the budget of the public schools) and then bid on by parents and staff. This event is our most beneficial fundraiser. If you're able to make a donation (monetary or otherwise) I'd be happy to pass along our tax ID number so that you can receive just one of benefits of giving to others.

If you know someone or an organization that is willing to make a donation to my school, please pass along my email to them. Thank you in advance.

desperatechefswives@gmail.com

Food is Love,
Hilary

Calling All Wives!

Lauren, a writer I recently met, is writing an article and would like some input from wives/girlfriends of chefs and other restaurant people. See her note below.


Four years ago, my father's close friend, a chef, committed suicide by driving his car down the wrong side of the interstate and crashing into an 18-wheeler. He died almost instantly. His two small children in the back seat of the car were not hurt. At the time, I wondered what could drive a person to do this and if it had anything to do with the ups and downs of his culinary career.

I am now writing an article about substance abuse and depression in the food service industry. I know it's prevalent - government studies have confirmed that - but I don't think the general public is really aware of these trends.

I am looking for chefs in the NYC area who have struggled with alcohol, depression and/or drug use on the job. I am looking for candid stories from people who don't mind talking on the record.

The article is being edited by an editor at New York Magazine, and will be pitched to another publication later this spring.

The best way to reach me is laurensausser@gmail.com

Thanks, Lauren

Here I Am!!

I know it had been a terribly long time since I've wrote anything. I wish I could write here more.

My recovery from the accident has been progressing well. Over the Christmas break I went to my folks house in Columbus, Ohio and didn't really do much of anything. Well, I ate a lot and went shopping a few times, but overall I took it easy. Around New Year's Eve my knee finally stopped hurting me. I'm able to walk fine now, but I am suffering from some severe back pain. I'm sure it's a combination of my third trimester and the accident. I have less than 10 weeks until Maverik Hudson is born! I can't believe it!!

Erik chose the name and it grew on me quite quickly. We love the fact that it's unique and it means "independent thinker". Plus, you'll notice the spelling of ERIK in MAVERIK too. Erik thought of that too. I chose the middle name after the Hudson River. We lived along the Hudson since we moved to the east coast over five years ago. We've been driving up and down it, traveling by train underneath it, and laying in the grass along it- I just love that river.

Along to some restaurant info...

Citysearch.com is looking for people who love going out in the city and want the chance to win cool stuff just for writing Citysearch reviews of places they’re going to anyway. It isn't just a program for aspiring writers, either. Anyone is eligible and everyone who participates will rack up rewards (think free meals, free booze, free stuff, access to exclusive Citysearch events, etc). Some contributors will also have the chance to join their editorial team eventually as professional, paid freelance writers, with their articles featured on the homepage.

Anyway, if you are interested, you can sign up at: http://newyork.citysearch.com/members/start . Just let
Keith Wagstaff know when you’ve reviewed anything and he’ll mark it down so you can get free stuff.

Keith Wagstaff

City Editor
P: (212) 373-7761 F: (212) 586-2098
keith.wagstaff@citysearch.com

Food is Love,

Hilary

Guest Blogger: John

Dear Chef Wives,

I'm not sure if anyone has done this yet, but if not then id love to be the first. Id like to give you a look inside the mind of a chef in a relationship. A little back story, I'm a 18 year old cook who has been in the industry sense I was 13. In the past two years I have been working more and more in my current restaurant where I am now a sous chef. As I have moved up through the ranks my hours have increased putting a serious strain on my relationship. When I was fifteen I met my ex-girlfriend Lyndsay, who I dated for two years and nine months, in the end she cheated on me, and when I asked why she would do this to someone she loved I realized the nature of the beast, "I wasn't getting the attention I deserved, your always to busy with your job.". I was left heart broken, and confused. Following this relationship I focused on my work, until I met my girlfriend Christine who had been a friend for many years. We started dating and were both very busy with our job, she works in retail so she works nights as well, but then things began to fall apart, I would come home after 10 hour work days and 5 hours of school, to not being able to see her because she was out with friends, slowly this began to come to a end and then we split up.

Currently Christine and I are beginning to get back together, but here is what I don't understand and maybe you woman may help me find a answer, why do friends come before your significant other? I mean I understand you have to hangout with friends, there important to, but shouldn't I get some attention, is it really enough to see her every other couple of days for a hour or so? For example: today I went to her house because she wanted to "see me", I was very excited as I have this week off from work while the restaurant is closed, she was off tonight as well, I walked in, got a kiss, and then heard "alright ill call you later, I gotta go get ready, i a\m going out with the girls tonight". Don't get me wrong I truly love Christine, I always have and so has she but I just don't know how to fix this issue.

But here is my point I really want to point out is us chefs really do try, we really do love you, and we really do think about you while were on the line. All of the cooks I work with are married and we do have a serious commitment to our relationships. I really hope no one out there thinks we don't care just because were busy, we really do wanna be with you. When I met Christine I made the point that I do work a lot and have a serious commitment to my job and food and she does understand and I'm very blessed. I understand how hard it is to be in a relationship with a chef, we tend to be a bit grouchy and I truly respect all of you out there willing to try a relationship with us. Just please understand we want to be next to you ever second just like you want to.

Regards,

John