Confessions of a Fine Diner

Maybe I should be wearing the disguise.

Although in my mind I imagine myself as a perfectly poised lady peeling her gloves off one finger at a time for the restaurant coat check to guard while I eat-in reality I know I am a dining oaf at times. I used to worry-who am I kidding-I still worry about my appearance in restaurants. Are my bites too big? Are there too many crumbs around my plate? Should I shuffle this food around to look like I ate it? How much to tip!? My mind races with questions and answers all through the meal. I've learned now to enjoy the experience, but that isn't to say that I don't worry if I'm doing things "right".

Luckily today, fine dining has taken a much more casual route. Fewer restaurants require the men to wear jackets. Mario Batali plays rock music in many of his establishments. Jeans have become formal wear-when rocked with heels and a blouse. But these confessions you're about to read are criminal acts in any restaurant.

Let the confessions begin.
My first fine dining experience was at Daniel in NYC. Daniel still holds to the traditions of fine dining, jackets required, soothing music in the background, and a ballet of servers that dance around you while you eat. If you know Daniel, or any 4 star establishment, you know I was thrown into this industry like an understudy on opening night. At this time, Erik was already working for Jean-Georges at the flagship, but had never eaten anywhere as nice as Daniel. Well, we ordered the full tasting as well as a wine pairing. And needless to say our judgement was impaired when we left a $20 tip on a $550+ meal. It also didn't help that Erik's roommate was cooking there at the time. Later that weekend we made amends by hand-delivering an appropriate tip. Lesson learned: Always tip well-no matter how much wine they serve. OR Drink less.

For a couple months between culinary school and Jean-Georges, Erik worked in LA at Water Grill. One night, Erik and I went to dinner there with a fellow cook and his wife. Again, we ordered the tasting menu with wine pairings. The meal was tasty, the company was friendly and I almost made it through the entire experience without lousing it up. Just as the check arrived at the table while the server was standing right next to me, I took a drink from a wine glass and within an instant, there was a wine explosion. I must have bitten the glass and it shattered in my mouth spilling wine all over my clothes and the table. I must have looked like a wreck! Lesson learned: Clearly I didn't learn enough from Daniel about drinking too much. But I did learn never to bite down on a wine glass. (Who has to learn that the hard way anyways?)

Eventually I did learn my limits with food and alcohol. I never, repeat never drink liquor and I have a 2 drink maximum-all the time. But then comes the situation when someone buys you a drink that you just can't drink. I was at P.J. Clark's not too long ago and a nice chap bought my friend and I a shot. Well I wasn't about the drink it. So when he flipped his head back to down the tequila-I flipped my head back too-only I dumped my shot on the floor. (Sorry P.J. Clarks) But I had to! I had no where to put it and I told him I wouldn't drink it. The poor guy wasn't any the wiser. Lesson finally learned: Drink what you can drink.

I've written these stories in chronological order so at this point we are coming to the present day, give or take a few months. Erik and I went to David Chang's Ko in the East Village. Let me first say, that I am a fan of David's and I appreciate what he is doing with food. However, I am not the most adventurous eater in the world and textures can freak me out. I know everyone loves his shaved fois gras with lychee, Riesling jelly and pine nuts- (click for picture)but I couldn't get through one bite. So, I spit the foie gras in my napkin. Sorry David Chang. I only spit out one bite when the chefs weren't looking. Erik ate the rest. Since then, Erik has been back to Ko, sans the wife. Lesson learned: Bring a more adventurous eater/large napkin if you're going to chicken-out on some food.

This final confession is only a minor offense to the restaurants I eat at. The smallest of food misdemeanours. I steal petit fours. I can't help it! By the time the pretty little pastries come out I look pregnant with a tasting menu baby. But I can't resist the tempting treats so I drop them into my purse and eat them during lunch the next day. It's not really stealing since they served it too me, but it's certainly not good etiquette. And really, it is a good idea because the next day all I need is a sweat, small reminder of the delicious experience I had only hours previous. Lesson learned: None. I'm going to keep doing this, until I get caught/extremely embarrassed.

Now I know I can't be the only one who has done embarrassing things in restaurants. Although I doubt anyone can top my wine glass bite. But why not share with us and try!

DCW_NYC
-Hilary-

One Stop Shopping

It's pretty funny that people are lead to my website via Google by entering very random search queries. They ask for help dealing with being married to a chef and also ways to meet single chefs. These two groups of women should really get together. Maybe I could change my site name ...
Search/Date/Marry: A girl's guide to finding, hooking, and making true love last with a chef.
Too long?

Here's a list of my favorite keywords that lead to DesperateChefsWives.com

1. most chefs burnout

2. married chef problems/lonely chefs wives/married chef issues/relationship advice for working chefs

3. single chefs

4. marrying a chef

5. perry st chef housewife-I'm not a housewife!

6. gay chefs

7. wives of chefs support group

8. my husband is a chef /alone

9. chefs in a recession

10. is mike colameco married/is david chang married?/is aaron sanchez married?/johnny iuzzini married?/is whylie dufresne married?

11. chefs and family time

12. how to take care of chef's hands

13. my husband is a chef and he's always gone

14. korean desperate for a chef

15. My favorite: its hard dating a chef.

No kidding.

DCW_NYC

-Hilary-

Milk Bar

I was reluctant to go to Milk Bar, David Chang's newest eatery, because I'm not really a dessert person. It's not that I don't like dessert, I just don't like it after I eat. I like cake and ice cream, cookies and chocolate as much as everyone else, I would just rather eat them in the morning. But we were a few blocks away from Milk Bar on Sunday, which is attached to Momofuku so we walked over.

The size is small with tables to rest your elbows on (don't tell Molly Manners) but no chairs. They've got a generous menu with pies, cakes, soft serve, cookies, flavored milk (a la Milk Bar) and even those delicious pork buns Mr. Chang is so famous for. The blondie pumpkin pie was so good I felt guilty eating it. The soft serve flavors we got were snicker doodle and fudge brownie and they were tasty, too. But my favorite thing was the corn cookie. I love corn. I love cookies. I really love corn cookies. I liked the open kitchen, it definitely made the place feel warmer and more roomy.

BUT as much as I love Mr. Chang, I've got to give him some advice. And please, Mr. Chang-these are free. Let's call them your Christmas present.

1. Speed up the service! I don't mind waiting for quality food, but the pies, cookies and cakes were already made. Pre-cut those suckers.

2. If #1 is not an option for you, may I suggest this: I didn't order a drink because I wasn't thirsty. But after all those sweets I wanted a soda really bad. The thing is, the line was out the door. I wasn't about to wait 30 minutes for a drink. So, what you could do is get a vending machine with your own drinks in it. You know, flavored milk and Dr. Pepper. I'd pay double to have a cool drink ASAP.

Hope this helps!
DCW_NYC
-Hilary-

Ko No You Didn't!

For those of you who don't subscribe to the heart-pounding suspense of the Ko diaries, Momofuku Ko is now open for lunch. Not such a huge deal for most restaurants, but for some reason David Chang has got NYC wrapped around his finger. Not only that, but the new lunch menu is longer and more expensive than the dinner menu. There are 16 courses at $150 per person and it's a three hour tour. Lunch is only served Friday-Sunday. And OF COURSE Erik had to get a reservation. For one. Now, this happened a while ago when he first got a single reservation to Ko. He got it on a day we both had off and was kind enough to cancel. Not this time. Although I won't see him Monday night (back to school night) he's taking a huge chunk out of our day to go to Ko. What a freak! And don't even tell me to go with him. 1. The ressy is a single. 2. I wouldn't spend that kind of money on Mr. Chang's food. Yes, it's good and I can totally appreciate the approach he takes to cooking. He's a stylized creator. However, it's just not my style. But have a great time, Erik. Really.

DCW_NYC
-Hilary-

KO at Last

As the previous post stated my chef and I went to KO tonight. Here is what he's got to say on the event. Thanks, Erik!

The obsession started well before the restaurant opened. The other Momofuku restaurants have been among my favorite in NYC. I loved what the restaurant represented to me. They play by their own rules, and cook food that chefs and serious foodies want to eat, completely without pretense.

When the Ko reservation system went live my obsession became unhealthy. I truly wanted to go, but what I was really obsessed with was getting a RESERVATION. I wonder if the Momofuku website has a counter for all of the attempts made by each registered user. I have no doubt that if there was, my counter would be in the thousands. I actually looked into getting a new computer to increase my connection speed in order to give me an edge during the 4 seconds a day that reservations are available.

At 5:15 today when I tried one of my random middle-of-the-day reservation attempts I saw an open slot at 6:15 for today. I immediately clicked on it knowing that if someone got to it faster than me, it would be over. So after countless failed attempts, I actually got a reservation during a time that Hilary and I could actually go to! We had about an hour to get dressed and drive from Jersey City to the East Village.

Ko was an experience I will never forget. I will spare you the details of the food. Everyone with a computer has written a detailed documentation of each course with pictures to go along with it. In that sense, the surprise was somewhat ruined for me, because I knew what to expect. But by no means was the experience ruined. The food was exciting and playful. He pushes the envelope with combinations of certain flavors, without getting too avant garde. At least for me. (Hilary will tell you that she will eat anything. I am telling the world right now: HILARY IS A PICKY EATER!!! I had to eat at least 3 of her courses because she was wierded out by soft, custardy textures.)

The place is not for the masses. No wines by the glass, only pairings or bottles. No coffee, no tea, only espresso. Wooden backless stools. However, it was so incredibly up my ally, it’s incredible. Ko is a restaurant that many chefs (including myself) have always dreamt of doing. I congratulate David Chang on having the balls to actually do it.

Momofuku Ko-here I come!

WOW! Erik just snagged a ressy for tonight...in about 45 minutes! So I'm out the door. And weird timing too because Mr. D. Chang himself just at at Perry St.

DCW_NYC
-Hilary-

Momofuku Ko-not so fast

I hadn't even warmed my seat in Momofuku last evening when an older couple sits down to eat and I witness some serious Momofukcan't action. Cory (GM) comes over the the couple (who haven't ordered yet) and offers them a ressy at KO instead. They say they are regulars but haven't been there yet. Opportunity of a lifetime. Damn. We totally missed out. But so did the couple. No sooner had Cory walked them outside to call ahead to KO saying he got a couple to fill the spot, than a walk-in at KO got it right from under their noses. I couldn't believe it; KO can't even hold on to their own spots.

The food at Momofuku was great as always. Too bad my chef ordered things he knows I don't really care for: sweatbreads and other animals parts he didn't mention until after I ate. Which is better. The pickle plate was tasty and of course the steamed pork belly buns-I could eat about 12 of those.

DCW_NYC
-Hilary-

Momokuku Ko-Brutal, ChefHusband- Understanding

As you know, my chef has been trying to get a ressy at Momofuku Ko since it opened. The problem with Ko, and yes it is a problem, is that there are only online reservations and and they fill up in seconds. Seconds! Despite my pleading message to Chang earlier this week I have not heard back from him. Maybe he doesn't read this blog? What a shame.




So last night Erik was trying to get a late night reservation at Ko hoping that someone had cancelled. Well, some ONE did. A single reservation opened. Just one. He took it. I guess on the website you are not able to keep inquiring about a table for 2 so I was going back between one and two and of course there was only ONE stool left at that damn noodle house. We played back and forth with the idea that he should go and shouldn't go all at the same time. ....but you'll be tired...I've been trying to get a ressy for so long....but you're leaving me on Easter....

We even tried calling in a favor. The verdict from Camp Chang. "It's a space issue". Space? But I take up so little space.

Eventually my chef being the man I married cancelled the reservation.

Who has reservations for one anyway?

DCW_NYC
-Hilary-

Dear David Chang

Photo courtesy of Off The Broiler

Good day Mr. Chang,

Though we've never met I did once sit two seats down from you at Degustation. I'm writing today to inquire about Ko. Who the heck isn't inquiring about that place? You see, I've got a major problem on my hands. My chef, Erik Battes, is more than dedicated to getting a ressy at Ko, but as you very well know-it is harder than impossible to accomplish. Twice he's been beat out for one of your spots in under a minute. All we want is to experience Ko as you would like us to. And I don't think you've intended on alienating the less-than-warp-speed-mouse-clickers. What can I do to get a pair of stools saved for my chef and I? (any late Saturday night, Sunday or Monday?) After all, I am asking very nicely.

Your friend in food,

Hilary Battes