Speak Up

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Waiting Sucks

I hate when people try to convince me not to have kids [yet]. I guess they are just going to be really disappointed when I do. I mean I do partially agree with them. Yes, I can always wait until there is more money, more space, more family support, more whatever. But there will never be enough money, or enough space, and my family sure as ever isn't moving to Jersey City to watch my kids while I work. I choose to rent a one bedroom apartment, I choose to be married to a chef, and I choose to live here in JC near absolutely no one. And I'm going to choose to have kids. How much longer should I wait anyways? What would I even be waiting for? More money? HA. Teachers do get pay increases each year if the district is smart, but come on: a couple grand more each year isn't much. Should I wait for my support network of family members to uproot themselves from Ohio. Fat chance. I know! Maybe I should wait for Erik to change professions, and start working a 9-5. HA. HA. HA. Waiting sucks.

DCW_NYC
-Hilary-

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

i would never want to talk someone out of doing something they felt passionately about. especially having kids. you are right, there is never "a good time". my husband is a chef. works 6 days a week. from 10am to 1am (usually) i have always been independent. of course i always wanted to see him more but i was comfortable doing my own thing. then i got pregnant. it wasn't planned. i'm 28 and didn't plan on even thinking about kids until i was at least 32. but we decided to have the baby. i would not change it for the world. we have the most amazing little boy i could ever wish for. but although i still maintain my independence, life without my chef around is a million times harder than it ever has been. again, i'm not trying to talk you out of it. i'm merely giving you a "heads up". be prepared for your emotions running high, both during your pregnancy and after the baby comes. i hate that he's missing his son grow up, and i try not to resent him for not helping as much as i need him to. word of advice...just be up front when things bother you, don't hold it in until you explode. and know that it's totally ok to spend a day (or 3) crying. and now, even though it's terribly hard raising a baby basically on my own, at the end of the day it's so worth it. good luck, and do what you feel is right for you! :)

SarahWM said...

I'm not quite where you are, but close. My body keeps telling me it's time to have kids, and it seems that all my friends are having kids too. I am so anxious to be a mom, but my chef and I would be terrible parents right now! Just married, purchased a house (1 year ago next week!), and all the debt that goes along with both of those events...not to mention the lack of time for us to be together in the same place! I'd basically be a single parent, and while I know other chef wives can do it, I don't think I'm quite ready for that challenge (especially working 2 jobs myself).

As long as the two of you agree on whether you're ready to take the next step, who cares what other people think? I think you know that you will carry the largest part of the child-rearing burden, but if Erik is supportive and willing to work even harder to help out at home as well, go for it!! There will never be enough money or enough time...if people waited for the perfect situation, they'd never have kids.

Good luck!!

Anonymous said...

I think around here especially, people are used to waiting longer to have children than you see in some areas of the country. Here, 25-26 is considered young to have your first child, while it's considered old in many other areas. That tri-state area perspective can really make it difficult for people around our age to decide to have kids. At least I've felt quite judged by others in this department.

I think the best thing you can do is to keep your reproductive plans to yourself, and make the announcement whenever you're actually pregnant and ready to share. Having kids is a very difficult decision, especially when your husband does what ours do for a living, and everyone else will have an opinion about it if you ask them. Sooo...don't ask! Once you make your announcement, anyone who says anything negative is just being a jerk anyway, and all the people who really matter (your families, friends), will be happy for you because it's clear you'll be great parents. If you guys are ready, good luck, I hope the baby making process goes nice and smooth for you!

ChefWife said...

I feel the same way about being private about having children. Last year several people guessed I would be pregnant next. How on Earth did they know about my cycle and sexual life? That made me so angry that people just assume one should be pregnant due to age and marital status.

But sometimes people just offer advice and helpful hints that aren't that helpful. I never wanted to tell anyone, even my own mother, that I was considering even planning to start trying. But here I am confessing on a blog read all over the world talking about my struggles.

I think I'm reaching out in this environment because the women who read this blog understand the almost all of the same difficulties that I face.

psa ri said...

I love that you're so honest about everything. We do all share the same struggles & it is nice to have this community. I'm sure that no matter what, you will make the right decision & things always work out the best way...

Anonymous said...

okay so again loving that i found you tonight and the night of the JBF media awards of all things...crazy. A sunday night that the hubby had to work a charity dinner and missed his family day with us and I was dusting off the stained, wrinkled, slightly torn super mom cape under duress of a day spent being abused by a darling but manipulative 2 year old.

In my experience, you will never be ready, there will never be enough time, god knows what I did with the extra time I had in my life before my kiddo as I do not recall being that productive, there will never be enough money because you will suddenly want to buy everything homemade and handspun and ANYTHING that touts making your kid smarter! even if it comes with a HUGE price tag and Target - hell you just buy a lot of stuff at Target!

I say, get a file full of great take out menus - you certainly have a plethora of choices in your area (insert me being jealous here), find a few good baby sitters (you will meet folks that will tell you about them) and well the rest you will figure out as you go!

I waited until 36 and wish I had done it earlier but then again heck it is what it is right!

OH and the very BEST part of Chef Hubbys they do not argue over middle of the night feedings - cuz' they are just getting home! BRIGHT SPOT!