Can You Hear Me Now?

Trying to get a chef on the phone is like trying to get an 8:30 table at Ko on Friday night: it ain't happening. A successful day of communication would mean I get a substantial 3 minute conversation with Erik, one in which we speak in short hand in order to maximize information shared. I'm lucky if I can get Erik on the phone, so if I do I scramble to blurt out the days events and baby milestones before he cuts me off to "put out a fire". I assumed once Erik became a corporate chef, complete with business cards and a blackberry, that he's be easier to get a hold of. HA. In theory a person with two cell phones should be more attainable, but as it turns out one phone call a day is still the norm around here. people in prison get more phone time than that.

- - -  Believe it or not, Erik just called. I haven't really spoken to him all day. It was a  5 minute conversation that abruptly ended with: "Gotta go, getting on the train".  I'll take what I can get.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Who Wins? Who Loses?

Without giving away too many details that really aren't mine to giveaway, Erik was given an opportunity- a fabulous opportunity to be the chef at a new restaurant.  But I am not thrilled, not at all. It would mean moving to Chicago. It's not the moving that concerns me, it's not the thought of having to find a new babysitter or house, it's  not even the thought of having to search and land a new job. The single greatest reason that I didn't say yes right away is my career here.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, the wives of chefs DO have careers. No, I don't mean hosting gala dinners or starring on a real housewives show. I mean a career. I am lucky enough to work at an amazing inner city school that is RUN BY TEACHERS. I am one of those teachers. And although I am part of a large group of teachers/administrators, and I work during the summer, late nights and even some Saturdays, I still get paid $47, 723.

But it seems that Erik thinks because I make less than him, because I'm not motivated by awards, recognition, or reviews for what I do-well it must not be that important. If I got an incredible teaching or administrative opportunity that required us to move Erik wouldn't do it. Not ever. So what is my value? How do the votes work around here? Do I get a certain percentage of votes based on my salary? Isn't everything equal? 50/50? HA, not in this world. No way. Let's not forget I moved to NY 7 years ago, transfered schools and uprooted my whole life to be with Erik. It was a great decision that afforded us both some amazing opportunities, including the job I've got now.

I'm torn about this whole thing. A marriage is a partnership of two people willing to make sacrifices for each other. So am I a bad wife for not wanting to move? Is is he a bad husband for asking me to? If we go then I'll resent him for taking away a job that gives me opportunities to grow and learn that I wouldn't find anywhere else. And if I say no, then Erik will resent me as he reads all the articles about how fabulous the new chef in Chicago is doing. Who wins? Who loses? And why does it always have to feel that way?

Sometimes it feels as if Erik is a teacher hater just like the rest of America is right now. But I know he's not. He adores what I do and he is my biggest fan. It's just that for Erik, the chef coats are gleaming a brighter white than the chalk on my board.

Food is Love,
Hilary

What's My Value?

Without giving away too many details that really aren't mine to giveaway, Erik was given an opportunity- a fabulous opportunity to be the chef at a new restaurant. The reason I'm not jumping for joy? It would mean moving to Chicago. It's not the moving that concerns me, it's not the thought of having to find a new babysitter, it's  not even the thought of having to search and land a new job. The single greatest reason that I didn't say yes right away is my career.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, the wives of chefs DO have careers. No, I don't mean hosting gala dinners or starring on a real housewives show. I mean a career. I am lucky enough to work at an amazing inner city school that is RUN BY TEACHERS. I am one of those teachers. And although I am part of a large group of teachers/administrators, and I work during the summer, late nights and even some Saturdays, I still get paid $47, 723.

But it seems Erik thinks because I make less than him, because I'm not motivated  by awards, recognition, or reviews for what I do-well it must not be that important. If I got an incredible r

To Make Up For A Few Complaints...

After all the times I've complained I figure its nice to show  one  of the wonderful sides of marriage. For Pete's sake I needed to create an entire blog to connect with  other women and commiserate about our husband's. If we don't celebrate the fabulous moments as well, then what's the point? Let's face it, there are reason- amazing reasons- that we treasure and adore the men we share our lives with.

I love you, Erik.

Food Is Love,
Hilary

What Will He Choose?

As a mother to a one-quarter Korean baby, I wanted to give Maverik the opportunity  to learn about his culture, as much as I can being a 100% caucasian mother. The first birthday is a big deal in Korean culture and one particular tradition at the big event, is the doljabi. Several objects are placed on a table or rug in front of the baby. The first two objects he picks up will be windows to his future. We set out for Maverik these interesting objects...

spool of yarn- long life

rice- abundance

baseball- athlete

money- wealth

drumstick- musician

notebook- scholar

pencil- teacher

knife- chef

What will he choose?

uh-oh

He picked the pencil! I can't believe he picked the pencil! In a time where teachers are being bashed left and right I don't know how I feel about him entering the classroom, but of I'd support him no matter what. he's my boy!

Just like Mommy!

but it wasn't over yet...He picked. Up. The Knife!! Wow...you should have heard the screaming from our friends, the other kids, and of course ME. WHAAAT? I joke that I'd never wish teaching or cooking upon my worst enemy, and that is partially true. But truth be told: chef, teacher, or culinary professor- Maverik will be given all the support he could possibly need- he'll need it!

Food Is Love, 

hilary 

Desperate Chefs' Wives on NBC this Fall

I've always wanted this blog to be turned into a show or best selling novel, but today gave me a heart attack. This afternoon, APRIL FIRST, Erik told me about an article he saw on Eater. "Desperate Chefs' Wives" the TV show with super famous chefs' wives such as Mrs. Colicchio, Mrs. Andres, and Mrs. Bourdain.  I got nervous right away. How could they use my name? MY NAME?? At first I thought Erik was playing a cruel trick on me, but after I saw the post for myself, i went into panic mode. And all for nothing. 

THIS horrible joke-story which was meant to fool all the foodies of the interwebs fooled me, THE desperate Chef's Wife, the most. I went as far as calling my step dad to get the number of his lawyer. (He was one in litigation with Usher over his record label name) Ok, Jose Andres, you got me. I guess I should have noticed the tag line that read, "april fool's" or the fact that Conan O'Brien's wife was going to be on the show, too. 

Anyone else get it good today?? 

Food is Love, 

Hilary 

Hear Us Roar

After doing a little web perusing I found out something very interesting...there are a generous amount of chef wife bloggers out there. I've got 17 alone on my blog role and there's probably more out there. by the way, if you know of any more chef wife bloggers- please send me the link. What does this say about us. Well, for one, blogging has become increasingly popular. I think this is due in part to the wonderful feeling of validation we feel when realizing there are others in the same boat with us. And if there are other women in the same boat- then we have more of a chance of making it through the storm safely. The old adage of "power in numbers" comes to mind. There are countless amounts of blogs in the areas of motherhood, shopping, and of course: cooking. But there is something special about our very unique group of women- which happens to include, mothers, shoppers, and cooks as well.

Also on the web, I found blogs from the wives of farmers, doctors, electricians, preachers, musicians, and  soldiers. So I guess no matter who your husband is or what he does, women have an human need to find comfort in the support of other wives. And in 2011 we may not find that support at a bridge club meeting or Wednesday night fish fry, but we find it just the same.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Stuck in Resentment

For those of you with children you probably know that they multiply the struggles already associated with being married to a chef- or anyone who works more than 40 hours a week. I've been really suffering trying to balance a home, a child, and full time job that requires more time than I have. I have guilt when I drop my son off at the babysitter's. I have guilt when I have to explain my son's needs to my job. And I always have resentment towards Erik for not being able to share in the work. 

That may seem like a bold statement, but I'm being direct and honest and I'm not telling you anything I haven't already told Erik. I've said it and read it a thousand times: having a child with a chef is like being a single mother. I've asked Erik to help more, but he only has so many hours in the day. No matter how many times we put our heads together and make new plans for dividing up the work- it never fails to fall to me. I carry the physical work as well as the emotional stress associated with a sick baby, child care, doctor visits, teething, etc. What's a woman to do?

How do you other mothers make it work? I'm unwilling to live in resentment. resentment that, in my experience, is in most marriages, not just those of over worked chefs. 

Food is Love, 

Hilary 

Here We Go Again

I never watched Sex in the City when it was on HBO. I was in high school passing notes to Erik and worrying about English essays- it just didn't apply to me then. But now I'm a YUPpie and new mom with a serious need to unwind and SITC has got me covered. I've been inspired with Carrie Bradshaw's smooth writing voice-I've GOT to get back on this blog! And what better day to rededicate myself a day we are all perusing the interwebs in our PJs anyways- Valentine's Day!

My inconsistent blogging was due to a lack of inspiration and not enough time to spare. But since I've finally  managed the working mother role I can spend more time writing.

Let's talk about a topic that comes up often for chefs' wives and girlfriends: Valentine's Day. Honestly, if it weren't for my friend Hilary offering to watch Maverik, Erik and I were going to ignore the holiday completely. We had a delicious lunch at Lupa on Sunday but now it's Valetine's Day and I'm sitting at home like any other Monday watching a commercial for none other than a Trojan Massager...nice.

PC: eatdrinkbetter.com

But the idea of lonely chefs's wives and girlfriends has been talked to death. Yeah, yeah, yeah we don't see our spouses on holidays and by now, many of us have either gotten used to it or just masked our pain. But what I want to know is HAS WORKING DURING THE HOLIDAYS CREATED JADED CHEFS? While we spend an extra ten minutes search the depths of our closet to find a red shirt or pink sweater, chefs all over the world are leaving for work ten minutes earlier to prepare for the holiday rush. The average person looks into a candle lit dining room on V-Day and sees pairs of lovely couples sharing a romantic evening. But a chef looks at the same dining room and sees deuces at tables waiting to be turned. There are no cupids and paper hearts on their mind. Right now every chef is praying they don't have to eighty six the Arctic Char.


Even if Valentine's Day was declared a legal holiday for chefs, would it make a difference or be to late to matter?

Food is Love,
hilary

Hefty Basics Giveaway WINNERS!

Congrats to Mami2jcn, Karin, and Chrstine! You'll receive an email from me shortly with details. Congrats again Ladies! Enjoy your plates and maybe your chefs can cook you up something tasty on them.

Food Is Love,
hilary