Trying to get a chef on the phone is like trying to get an 8:30 table at Ko on Friday night: it ain't happening. A successful day of communication would mean I get a substantial 3 minute conversation with Erik, one in which we speak in short hand in order to maximize information shared. I'm lucky if I can get Erik on the phone, so if I do I scramble to blurt out the days events and baby milestones before he cuts me off to "put out a fire". I assumed once Erik became a corporate chef, complete with business cards and a blackberry, that he's be easier to get a hold of. HA. In theory a person with two cell phones should be more attainable, but as it turns out one phone call a day is still the norm around here. people in prison get more phone time than that.
- - - Believe it or not, Erik just called. I haven't really spoken to him all day. It was a 5 minute conversation that abruptly ended with: "Gotta go, getting on the train". I'll take what I can get.
Food is Love,
Hilary
This blog is a place for wives, girlfriends, significant others, and anyone else stuck to a chef to come together and chirp to each other about how to deal with the nonsense that goes along with being the wife of a chef. I was struggling to live with a ghost of a husband who I never saw until I met two other chefs' wives that saved me. It was then that I realized there must be more who need love and support too, right? Hilary, First Lady Desperate Chefs'Wives instagram @hilarya25
9 comments:
...it's tough I know. You want to call and share moments or just say hi and you "can't". I learned years ago that there's always going to be a "fire to put out" or my favorite "buns in the oven" (really!)...but the truth is they are NOT off curing cancer! It's dinner...dinner in a restaurant that I couldn't afford if I wasn't comped! After a series of important calls, like telling my husband his dad had died, our son was in hospital, and I'd been in car accident it was time for him to answer the phone and wake up! To realize he's not above the daily call that needs to last for more than one minute...yes, there's busy, and then there's life threatening and the idea that the kitchen is some sacred place that wasn't tarnished by human visits or phone calls is crazy and I for one was over it years ago. Now I call, he answers, we talk...no it's not on and on, but we BOTH share our day and connect...He also calls and talks to kids everyday after school, OR we go by and have dinner in kitchen with him. What's great is this isn't some sit down hard to have conversation...he actually just starting calling! It was nice that way and not feeling like I was always the one calling.
Stick with it and tell him how you feel...have a time or a plan and make the commitment to stick to it! On those long days it's nice to connect...especially with kids!
i know this feeling very well! it seems like a whole day before i even get to talk.
I find texting a good way to stay connected too:) Could be short "How's it going?" or sometimes a little word of encouragement if one of us is having a hard day. There's something intimate about the silent communication and feeling the phone vibrate in your purse knowing it's your man (haha)
Happy Mother's Day!
Ah yes, the lost art of conversation. I am just finishing up a teaching practicum (whew sooooo much work! I am EXHAUSTED after every day) while he is a month into a newly opened restaurant. I think I remember what his voice sounds like ;)
But the teaching part gets better right? You build up your stamina?
Yes, Anon, it DOES get easier. Teaching is more exhausting in the beginning and it although the work doesn't get easier, you will become better at it.
The hardest part is when you finally are WITH them and their minds are still in the Kitchen Vortex & processing what they did that day and what to do tomorrow. When all I really want to do is tell him a funny thing that happened that day, or a crisis I'm in, or even just "lay in bed" with him :) Men aren't too great at multi-tasking by nature anyways, so trying to get them to be "at home mode" is so hard. It's hard to switch of "the kitchen" mode.
I find that sending a cute text to him before he walks into work & receiveing an messsage back with "I love you" makes me happy. He also brings home food or things he knows I would like home to show that he thinks about me even when we aren't together.
I get food occasionally too, but worse than that, Kala, is I get PICTURES of what he's working on! That is such a tease!
Coming across this post this evening couldn't have been more perfect!
My chef has recently started at a new restaurant, and like all - working all the hours under the sun.
I just feel so alone at the minute! I can't even get a text from him during the day as he can't get a signal, and when I do occasionally see him on his split for an hour it's like he may as well not even be there.
We're also supposed to be trying for a baby but seeing as we hardly ever see each other any more, it's proving difficult.
These chefs really should come with a warning strapped to their chests when they come strolling into our lives. Just to give us a heads up on what we're getting ourselves in for.
Sorry to rant - just no one else who understands.
Yasmin
Cambs, England
Hi Yasmin,
I agree, there should be more of a warning for these guys!! Good luck on the pregnancy-to-be!
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