Speak Up

Friday, June 15, 2012


Although most of us here are married to or dating a chef I know that you all must know of single chefs. Perhaps you even have an ex boyfriend you left amicably and wish love upon them. Well, send them this way. Good luck! 
Food is Love, 

The long, demanding and anti-social hours make chefs and successful relationships a recipe for disaster. But now help is at hand thanks to a brand new TV show.
Teaming up with one of the best matchmakers in the business, the show will find the perfect partners for the nation’s single chefs.
If you’d like to meet the girl of your dreams, or just find out more, please contact Tom at chefcasting@cineflix.com
Cineflix Productions makes more than 400 hours per year of programming for US and international broadcasters, including the hit show AMERICAN PICKERS, PROPERTY BROTHERS, COLD BLOOD, WILLIAM SHATNER’S WEIRD OR WHAT, and the award-winning NAZI HUNTERS. Visit www.cineflixproductions.com for more info.

Monday, June 11, 2012

The Truth About Babies

A lot of you have either recently had babies or are thinking about having children and want to know how to deal with the struggles. I'd love to shed some light on this, based only on my personal experience, well, because...that's all I know. And don't get me wrong, children are wonderful little bundles of love, but I'm not going to talk any more about that. Why? Because you've heard that crap your entire life. If you want to know all the good stuff about having kids, go watch something on the TLC channel, show up to a baby shower, or read a greeting card. I'm going to give it to you straight. Of course I'll preface this by saying I have a two year old, Maverik, who is such a wonderful piece of my life. Not just because he's lovely, but because how we work is lovely.

This seems fitting. Maverik 
Having a child is hard work. Now that's a cliche if I've ever written one. But you knew that anyways. You know they are lots of work because they have to be changed and burped and fed nonstop in the first year. They cry and they need, need, need you all day long. But that's easy; that's common knowledge. Here is what mom's don't tell you: sometimes I don't want to be with my son. Sometimes, I don't like him. If you have labeled me a bad mom by those last couple of statements, please read on. I assure you I'm a fabulous mom because I am able to acknowledge those taboo emotions that ALL MOTHERS FEEL. (And if they don't feel it, they are just not aware of it.) It's not a crazy notion either. I mean when a two year old has a tantrum because he want to screw the lid on his own sippee cup and you don't let him because that would only lead to a mess- of course you want to get away. And when it's the end of the day and he's now onto his third tantrum while you're trying to get through to the cable company, it only makes sense that a mother would not like her child in that moment. My advice: if you want to have kids, or already do, then be honest with yourself. Kids wreck your body, your paycheck, your house and your love life. They get sick and force you to take off work. (you KNOW a chef isn't going to miss a day of work) Then you've got the guilt to deal with. Guilt for being a mom and not joining your friends for dinner when no sitter is to be found. Guilt at work for taking sick days for the baby. And of course the guilt for your own child because you aren't there every two minutes for them. Guilt that you can't give them everything you'd like. Guilt when you get mad and raise your voice. Guilt.

The other thing mom's don't really talk about it the emotional work that children require. Of course as a chefs' wives you know you'll be doing 95% of the babywork. But that work isn't just diapers, cleaning, cooking, laundry, doctor's appointments, park visits, googling what that rash is, baby-proofing, planning birthday parties, taking/uploading/editing/ordering pictures, picking up medicine, administering medicine, taking temperatures, disciplining, building towers, reading books, giving baths, applying Desitin....I'm sure you get the picture.

The most exhausting part of being a mother for me is the emotion behind all of the above. For instance, taking Maverik to the doctor is work enough, but before any of that has to happen, I have to first realize he's sick, then decide if he needs to go or not, make an appointment, make sure I've got cash to pay the copay, and take off work is needed. Because of Erik's hours he literally isn't able to do any of those things. But I would feel so much better if he were there by my side reassuring me that Maverik is just a little sick and doesn't need to go or cleaning up vomit instead of me. I mean it would be a miracle if I came home and Erik told me Maverik was sick and that he took care of all of this- because that's how it is for the chefs. They don't even have to WORRY about the children, because mommy takes care of the work and and worry. 

This is something that Erik and I are constantly working on. I'd absolutely love if Erik came to me and said, "We should start planning for Maverik's birthday party," or "I think he's due for a check up soon, can I take care of that?" It may seem insignificant, but the emotional work behind being a mother is a heavy load to carry.

I hope I didn't scare anyone into a childless life, but I guess I just want everyone else to be as informed as I was about children. If you do choose to have children, I want you to be as happy as I am because you are not afraid to say, "I need a break".

Food is Love,

Monday, June 4, 2012

Six Days Suck

We have played a career tug of war between 5 and 6 day work weeks. We're losing right now to a six day work week and it really sucks. I get caught up in doing more to keep this house sailing straight because I feel bad that Erik doesn't have time. But then I get resentful that I'm working so hard at work and then at home. No breaks. He's doing nothing. Nothing. And I have this terrible condition that makes every request I present to Erik sound nagging. No cure. Debilitating really. So sad.

What's a wife to do? I mean I went away for the weekend and came home to hardly any food in the fridge, no bags replaced in the garbage, a dirty litter box, a giant pile of unopened mail, and the laundry half done. I struggle between leaving these things out (which they are currently) or letting my own OCD take over and cleaning up. After all, I'm the one who lives here more than Erik. He pretty much just lays his head here. What does he care if the fountain outside is getting grimy, or the floor needs mopped.

Do I want Erik off for the 6th day so I can spend more time with him, or start holding him accountable for more work? Both.

Ugh...I hate the word vent. But there, I sure did.

Food is Love,

People, They're the Worst

I don't get people. I'm sure she's a lovely woman and fabulous blogger. But something about the name The Not So Desperate Chef Wife seems insulting. Or is it? I mean, I'm not desperate. It was originally a play on words for a show I never watched. Would The Desperate Housewives be insulted that I changed their name? Hmm... I guess I'm not insulted after all. According to some illogical adage, I should feel flattered. In a way, I do. But if you get inspiration from someone, giving credit where credit is due is always courteous. A link would due. I'll give her a link.  It's what I do. 

Food is Love,