50 Things

Once I saw this list, I just had to retweet it.

50 Things They Never Told You About Being A Chef

Some of my favorites include:

#2 You'll never meet new people because your social life deteriorates into non-existance.

#13- 15  Your feet, back and hands will get destroyed.
#24 Your shortest work days will be longer than   most people's longest...
I read them with Erik and we both agreed that about 90% of these situations apply to him. when you pile it all up into this list, this is once crazy,upside down industry.

So what do you think? How accurate is this list? Would it have stopped your chef from being a chef?

Food is Love,
Hilary

Who is the Sous?

She's young. She's talented. She's hot. She's passionate about food. And your husband just hired her as his sous chef.

Yes, imagine that. A chefwife recently confided to me her fears of a similar situation in her own life. So how do you cope? Do you through doubt out and believe in your chef as a trustworthy man? And if so, will that even work after a few 80 hours have gone by with his new sous?

Perhaps you take a different route and you check his texts in the middle of the night. You hack into his Facebook, possibly create a fake account. You question his every move, smell his clothes and check for lipstick on his collar. You ask him to check in frequently and maybe, just maybe if he doesn't check in as often as you'd like, you call in a favor to a cook at his restaurant to fill you in on the chef's ins and outs....of the restaurant of course.

Infidelity in the restaurant industry is an issue that often arises here between the Desperate Chefs' Wives. How do we tackle this? I'll be honest, I don't think about it. Ever. But I've also been with Erik since 7th grade and I've never had to think about it. I'd bet that women who have been cheated on before, especially by the chef they are with, will experience more fears than those who haven't. But that's just a guess. Can anyone confirm?

Food is Love,
Hilary

At What Price?

My husband has never done a reality cooking show. No matter how many times I've begged him to, he just won't. But even if he did want to go, I can't imagine him leaving for months at a time to film a show such as Top Chef. On this season, the chef'testants competed in Seattle and I've been watching since day one. (Rooting for Sheldon) The last chef to pack up their knives was Josh Valentine, whose wife delivered their daughter during taping. Now, I just can't believe that. I don't know what I would do if my husband were working while I delivered.

I know my perspective on the matter is unique since i nearly lost my life after my first son was born, but I guess that's why they call it perspective. I'm having one more child in July, and Erik and I agree, without even thinking, that he has to be there. That's it. But maybe I'm just a rare exception to most women. You tell me. I also had no family with me in the hospital and I know Josh's wife had her mother there. Perhaps that would change my mind.

But the question is: What sacrifices to we make that allow our spouses to have opportunities? Or sometimes just CHANCES for opportunities. I love my husband very much, but there has to be a line drawn somewhere....where?

Food is Love,
Hilary

Table for Four

Considering my complaining has reduced quite a bit over the last several years, due to this blog and many of you, I'm proud to say I've really got a handle on this chef wife thing. And because of that, I'm in the best place to have another baby. I'm due in July, and very excited to be expanding my family.

Thank you all for the support over the years, because I would not have been able to handle the work that comes from children without being able to say "this chef wife thing, yeah, I got that. "

Food is Love,
Hilary

Erik Dreams of Danny Meyer

The past few nights I've been having some freaky intense dreams. People I barely knew in high school at my grandmother's house, helping my son go potty. Strange to say the least. But the other night I had a cornucopia of weirdness and I had to tell Erik. My dream went something like this...

...teaching at a new school...not sure of subjects...or grades...walking through a grassy, willie-wonka type of field...some dead decaying cats...some living cats, but inside plastic bags...checking a deadbolt for a killer out to get me...killer is mad because Erik insulted his son's girlfriend...living in a dorm...more cats in bags...

After explaining all of this to Erik, he responds with, "I dreamt about Danny Meyer"

Of course you did. Of course, Chef.


Food is Love,
Hilary

The Storm

I've been trying to think of the best way to write after the hurricane. In good conscience, I just can't give you a play-by-play of my situation. Compared to my neighbors, coworkers, and my Jersey City community, I was merely inconvenienced. I want to tell you about the amazing things happening all over Jersey City and New York that are building our communities back up, but I'm going to stick to one family tonight: The Langello/Bowden family. (Which is really three families, but still.)

When Hurricane Sandy was at its worst, it claimed the homes of my friends Hilary and Jimmy Bowden, as well as Jimmy's brother Chris and Tabitha Bowden, and Tabitha's sister and brother-in-law, Frank and Samantha Langello. They say terrible things come in threes; what a horrible trio of events. All three families have BEAUTIFUL children as well, God Bless them. These stories touch my heart personally because Hilary Bowden is dear, dear friend of mine. And on top of that, Frank Langello is the executive chef at NYC's Babbo. The culinary industry is a family all its own.

Babbo Ristorante is holding a fundraiser for Frank and his wife, Samantha. Delicious food for a great cause, you can't go wrong. See below for details.



If you are able to give something, please click the following links:

Donate to Jimmy and Hilary Bowden and Chris and Tabitha Bowden

Hilary Bowden's home in Staten Island. Look carefully at the line of mud, that line indicates the height of the water. 

Donate to Frank and Samantha Langello

Food is Love,
Hilary

The Gift of Time

"Every weekend is so precious to us"- Erik's sincerity makes my heart ache.

We often focus on the things in our life that make us angry. The difficulties, the drama, the struggles. We spend our energy complaining about the lonely nights, lack of support, and the insane restaurant life that rubs off on our chefs. But at the end of the day, we have to make a choice about what we focus on. (Remind me of this when I'm down in the dumps)

Although Erik and I rarely get to spend time together, this lifestyle is truly all we know. The time we have is a rare gem in a mine of dirty coal. I want to spend more effort appreciating the time we have. It may be one day a week, even less on occasion, but it's our life. Erik and I are given the opportunity to relish our time together because it happens so sporadically. I think if he had a 9-5 schedule I wouldn't savor the moments we share. He wouldn't get up early so he could drop Maverik off at school. I wouldn't stay up late just to catch a few minutes with him. We wouldn't be us.

15 years ago I sat on a school bus in a band uniform accepting the beginning of something amazing. I would never have imagined the ride would be this spectacular.

Happy Anniversary, Erik

Food is Love (and today I feel full),
Hilary

Absentee Chef

Last year, Erik was traveling a lot for work. Sometimes up to a month at a time. It was really important to us both that he still be able to vote so he signed up to cast his vote via absentee ballot. Now he doesn't travel anymore for work, but works a set of hours that we are all familiar with- so he continues to vote in this way.

On his way to the mailbox he dropped his presidential absentee ballot and thought, "This absentee ballot is a metaphor for my life." 

That was incredibly sad to hear, and yet it is painfully true. He leads a double life .Chef and Erik. We talk all the time here about the things these chefs miss in life, but we rarely talk about how it affects them. I see my husband breaking down sometimes, getting overly tired, and drowning in his work. It never lasts long, but I think we should all be taking some time to consider the other side.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Rule Number 250

How could I not love Twitter after I just won $250 from Zagat!? The now household name of Zagat has once again entered its way into my house. I heard via Twitter that Zagat was holding a contest on their blog asking readers to write a new dining etiquette rule.    And I won!

If you had the chance to create a new dining etiquette rule, what would it be? No cell phones? no screaming babies? Wait for all the food to arrive before eating? No double-dipping? Let's hear what things are bugging you and what rules would squash those those irksome behaviors.

So what do I have to say to the good folks at Zagat? THANK YOU!

Food Is Love,

Hilary 

Here is my winning answer:

ChefWifeWednesday, September 5, 2012 4:50:00 PM EDT

Thank you. It's as simple as those two little syllables (and eye contact, of course) One of the most basic feelings that all human beings have is the desire to be appreciated. That means a thank you to the hostess, server, bus boy, maitre'd, the chef if possible, and of course the person paying for the meal. Those two words go a long way. It's fast, painless, and free after all.

My Bad, New Show, and Birds

A few things:

First of all, I am so sorry! Perhaps blogger changed a setting or two, but  apparently there were 22 comments from you lovely ladies that I never published. Don't know how that happened. Usually they get emailed to me and I approve them on the spot. I'll have to tinker around and make sure this doesn't happen again. I can't tell you what it means every time I read "I love your blog". I love you, fabulous readers. You are the reason this blog was written.


Secondly, Thanks to a fellow chefwife, Nina. I'm watching the last episode of Whites. This BBC comedy is modeled after chef Marco Pierre White. If you like dry British humor, then 'ave a go! This mini, six episode series is currently running on hulu. I watched a couple episodes with my chef and we both agreed it was authentic. The characters are brilliant, I think you will especially love Bib. I think we are all married to him. And Kiki, well, she's just so Kiki.

Last, but certainly not least, I've joined the masses and set up a twitter account. I won't lie, I was beginning to feel left out. So since I have ...drumroll...and grand total of....TWO followers (which include my 17 year old sister and her best friend) I'd love to have you wonderful women over there. I'm still getting the hang of it all, but at least I'm at the right lunch table now.

Food is Love,
Hilary