The Food Boss

I've heard from other chefswives and non chefswives alike that sometimes their significant other can be a bit of a food boss. What's a food boss? It's exactly what it sounds like. Someone who tells, or "politely encourages" you what to order, buy, cook, and eat. ARG- it's beyond annoying.

I only came to realize that Erik is a food boss. But it started about 5 years ago when we got married. Erik and I have always gone grocery shopping together. I don't know why it started that way, but now it's one of our weekend traditions and I really enjoy it. Anyhow, the food boss in him kicks in right away around the produce. I get a craving for asparagus and suggest a bunch to make with some hollandndaise. STOMP. That idea is quickly squashed by the boss who kindly reminds me that asparagus is out of season in November. AGH. On the one hand, I'm happy to have a chef around who is able to act as my own personal farmer's Almanac. But on the other hand, ignorance is bliss, or in this case, satisfaction and a full tummy. I'd rather buy produce in season. It's better tasting and better for the environment. But sometimes I want an apple in April!

I'm not going to lie. I LOVE Sam's Club and Costco. And a big part of that love comes from the terribly delicious food they serve ready to eat. Pizza, churros, icees, Italian sausage, and hot dogs. I'm salivating just thinking about it. Well the other day Erik asked me if I wanted anything else to eat. I asked for a soft pretzel. We had never got one from there before and I wanted to try one. I'm willing to risk the 97 cent loss to try one. He looked at me and said, "really? They don't look good"  How good can a pretzel look anyways? It's a hunk of dough and salt? I love my husband, he bought me a pretzel and it was warm, tasty, and just what I wanted.

Does anyone else have a food boss in their life? A boyfriend who discourages you from ordering the salmon because the restaurant is known for its burgers? A friend who reminds you how fatty that butter soaked shrimp is. A mother in law who coldly questions your choice of side dish for the pot luck?

YOU are the boss of your own food destiny.

Food is Love,
Hilary

The Whole Package

Hi Everybody! Firstly I would like to thank our gracious host for allowing me the space to share my vision with you. I am grateful to her for creating a place where I can feel understood, especially when society only sees the sexy side of this industry. My name is Kerilyn Russo. I, like you, are married to a chef. A smidge over one year now, although it took a decade for my husband, Peter, an Executive Chef at LIAS (http://liasrestaurant.com) an Italian restaurant in the DC area; and I to a place where we were ready to be together as husband and (chefs)wife. Probably for the same reason you already know, it's challenging to be connected to someone who works long hours, weekends, holidays; enjoys the night life, and the temptations that come with being a creature of the night. We have our moments when, no matter how "in" it we are in our relationships, we face our doubts, our love, our future plans that sometimes do not always seem on solid ground.

For myself, during those ten years, I had to go out and experience being with someone who was available when I was (being a 9-5'er). At the time I was convinced being the girlfriend of a chef just wasn't the life for me. Dating someone who had the same hours as myself was fun at times, but I eventually realized (it took a few years) that something was missing.

It was me.

I somehow misplaced the Kerilyn who relished having a Saturday to herself when she could get stuff done, and who enjoyed going out with her girlfriends on a Friday nite (even if it was to go to the restaurant where he worked). I became aware that when I was dating my chef, I had more time for self-care, and never found myself feeling the intense guilt that I did when I knew my boyfriend was home after work when I was. It was ONLY after being with someone who was more available, that I realized that what I had was what I wanted. It hit me one day when I was laying in my bed, missing that side of myself that felt more natural, more "me", that what I had with my chef (whom I always loved, that was never the issue) was what I had been missing. I am SO glad that I had the chance to experience the contrast to what I have now, to fully appreciate the freedom I DO have. I am grateful for lifes serendipity that I had the gift of reconnection with the man who I was always meant to marry.

So away we go into being engaged, working our way toward marriage when it resurfaced. It sounded a bit like:

ME: "Honey - What are we going to do for Valentines Day??"

HIM: "I don't know honey.. The restaurant has 300+ Covers that day...It's going to be a long day!"

ME: (Sad and angry but already knowing this) "Why don't you ask (insert one of my husbands fellow Chefs names here - Someone who already has kids and is married in this industry) how THEY make it work!!!"

HIM: "Why don't you ask his wife!"

That got me thinking... He's right! I don't need to ask my soon to be husband.. who does NOT know how challenging it can be how to make it work.. I need to ask the significant others! So I began to seek out an online support refuge - somewhere where I can commune with others in the same predicament as myself... found Hilary and the valuable resource which we now find ourselves; but I wanted MORE. I wanted to talk to someone who understood. To meet face to face, to get advice, to give my support. I was almost obsessed. And so, armed with my philosophy of "What do I REALLY have to lose?" I decided I would create what I wanted to find for myself! And that's when http://marriedtoachef.com became an idea in hibernation!

I am creating an entire platform where you can find exactly what your looking for, when you need it. You need to hear stories of how others got through it? Yep, check. You want to meet up with someone on your birthday when your Chef is working? Check. Maybe a play date with your children; so you can find a break with someone who REALLY understands. Yes! I want to interview wives and girlfriends of famous Restaurateurs to see how fame adds another level of challenge to the mix. I want to focus on the different stages of our relationship; dating, marriage, having a family and the exciting (and exhausting) world of restaurant ownership! I want to hear from YOU, to help others where you might have already found a way.This site is for US! There have been others all over the world, from Australia to London, to British Columbia who are already reaching out, that have already signed up to join us. I know there is a significant other in Hong Kong who is not sure she/he has what it takes to date someone in this industry. There is a need world wide for a place for US.

Finally, let me ask you a question. How many of you who are married to someone in this industry are just as much of a foodie as your significant other? I know there are many, but I also know of many who are not. For me, I am not. I am a 9-5'er who just wants a place to find community in our similar situations. There are tons of foodie sites, guaranteed to give you what your looking for. I am not as interested in making this about what restaurant to go to and what famous chef is running the line as I am interested in YOU. The other side of the coin. What made you KNOW that you wanted to be with someone who lives in this fast paced and short tempered world? How do you 'do' it when you have children? How do you find balance in this olive oil soaked world?

Please join me in our pursuit for understanding and support. Sign up and stay tuned when the website goes live in just a few short months (January/February 2011) .

http://marriedtoachef.com

Feel free to contact me at kerilyn@marriedtoachef.com if you have any questions or just want to say Hi! Thank you SO much for this opportunity. I hope as you and your restaurant man or woman goes into the holiday season you know, without a doubt that there is someone else out there asking the same questions, finding the same frustrations, and attempting to maneuver in an industry that doesn't always give recognition to the person who makes the restaurant what it is.. their significant others.

Kerilyn Russo
Arlington,Virginia
http://marriedtoachef.com

The Worst Critic

Chefs are built to handle criticism. Well, at least they are trained to. Customers, Yelpers, bloggers, food critics and fellow chefs all have something to say about they food your chef prepares for them. On top of that, an infinite number of things can go wrong during a meal...the food is too hot...too cold...too salty...too bland...too old school...too modern...too rare...too well done...too complex...too simple...overwhelming...underwhelming...

I've heard and said them all, plus a few. But what happens when the food you are criticizing is that of your own chef? I hope I'm not alone in this one. I feel such relief when I find out that I'm not alone.

Erik is a great chef. He was trained by the best (CIA, school of Jean-Georges). He's been featured in various publications and has an ongoing professional relationship with the Gohan Society. All that said, sometimes I don't like what he makes at home. And I've made the terrible mistake of telling him. You would have thought I insulted his intelligence and come to think of it, he probably felt as if I did.

I've learned my lesson and I always keep my mouth shut, but not too long ago if Erik asked how I liked something he made, I would answer truthfully. What was I thinking? It's not as if I hated any of the meals he's made for me. But a few times, gasp...the food just wasn't to my liking. I told Erik a couple times that the dish was too salty and he always replied the same: "Well, I guess since you hate all my cooking, I'll never make anything for you again." OK, Woah.

Needless to say he has since cooked for me, but I was in shock. After all, he DID ask. Didn't he want to know? I didn't make a face when I tasted the meal. I didn't spit it out. I enjoyed it and ate it all, but just had that one, insignificant comment.


Please tell me your chefs are the same way. And if they are, how do you deal? Do you still provide honest feedback or do you do the fake "yum" smile that we so often see on TV?

Since the over salty experiences I've decided just to keep my thoughts to myself. It's really not worth it. Maybe it's worse for Erik since I'm not a food critic, patron, or chef....I'm his wife.


Food is Love,
Hilary

My Little Sushi Boy

I just had to share a picture of my little sushi. My wonderful sister, Christina made this costume and I just love it.  I can't wait to take him trick-or-treating. too bad I'll have to eat all his candy for him.

Happy Halloween!!

Food is Love
Hilary

Giveaway Winner

Using Random.org, I've got a winner for JAN KARON’S MITFORD COOKBOOK AND KITCHEN READER giveaway!! Congrats to Chelsea (CER)!! Your cookbook is on its way- ( as soon as I get your address). So send us some pictures of your final dishes and let us know your favorites.

And coming soon....

Maverik's food themed Halloween costume

Food is Love,
Hilary

Cookbook Giveaway!

Hey ladies, I've got a great giveaway for you all! All you have to do is leave a comment with your name, email, and the answer to the following question:
What is your favorite deep fried dish?

In honor of the south's fried chicken and recent episode of Unwrapped, I've been thinking about fried foods. my favorite?  Good ol' french fries. I just love hot, salty, fried spuds with a heap of ketchup on top. mmm.



This month, Penguin Books is proud to present the paperback edition of the gorgeously designed JAN KARON’S MITFORD COOKBOOK AND KITCHEN READER (Penguin Books; On-sale now). Jan Karon is the # 1 New York Times bestselling author of the Mitford Series (35 million copies in print). 

Millions of readers have discovered the delights of a trip to Mitford, North Carolina and they’ve all found themselves hankering for mouthwatering dishes like Father Tim’s Rector’s Meatloaf and Esther Bolick’s delicious Orange Marmalade Cake. Now, Jan Karon makes it easy to satisfy all these cravings and many more.


Along with 150 fabulous recipes, this four-color cookbook features Jan’s personal reminiscences, dozens of beloved scenes from the Mitford books, jokes, cooking tips, and a story never before published in the novels.

Good Luck! I'll be choosing a winner at random in about a week or so and I'll notify you via email.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Security in Marriage?

A reader of DCW just wrote to me and presented some thought provoking questions. She is a chef girlfriend and has concerns about her chef boyfriend's late night hours. Especially the time between closing time and his arrival back home. Does anyone else experience this chef time travel? Occasionally- meaning about once a month- Erik has dinner with some of the other chefs. Most nights though he's too tired to go out. Plus he's not much of a drinker at all. But I know some chefs like to get a drink or grab a bite before heading home and if there isn't enough trust built into the relationship-those hours can feel like an eternity.

Another question the reader brought up was that if she were married to her chef, "would there be more security?" Would her worries go away? I say NO WAY. If you have doubts before getting married those doubts will still be there no matter what a piece of paper says. But that certainly doesn't mean there isn't any hope. Trust, in my opinion, can be built and cultivated as long as both people in the relationship are willing to work and communicate.

What do you all feel about the idea of marriage creating a more secure relationship? Did things change when you got married? Were they easier? More trust? Less.


Food is Love,
Hilary

Cupcake Skulll

One of the many friends I've met via blogging, facebook and general interwebs is Jessica.  She blogs about her life as a newlywed chef's wife and culinary student. What a combo! Check her out at Chef in Training.

I saw her clever tattoo on Facebook and I had to share. For someone who will never get a tattoo I have a strange fascination with those relating to cooking.

 I just love the wooden spoon and whisk "cross bones". I asked Jessica about her tattoo....

When did you get your pastry skull tattoo?
I got my "cupcake skull" tattoo (as we call it) October 21st 2009

Do you have a name for it?
Not necessarily a name, just my cupcake skull

How did you think of it? Had you seen that design somewhere?
We (my chef and I) thought it up when he offered to do a sleeve or half sleeve, or something for me for going to culinary school. I wanted to do a skull and crossbones in honor of him. He is always pushing me to be better than I am, thus making me a great person. We decided to look around online a bunch for a "cupcake skull", however, a lot that we found were with a skull just sitting in the frosting, not what I envisioned. I have a friend who works at a reputable Tattoo place here in Omaha, so I came to him with the idea. His name is Seth and he works at Big Brain. I love how it turned out. I just went in with ideas of how I wanted the frosting to look, the bottom, and the whisk. I told him "just go home and look at your own wooden spoon" HA! Turned out better than I imagined, he is a talented artist.

Does your husband have any cooking related tattoos?
Ohh yea. He has many, I can ask him if I can photograph them for you, if you are interested.

Do you have any other tattoos?
The cupcake skull is my third. I have my sign (cancer) on my back between my shoulder blades and my daughter's name on my back also.

Do you get a lot of comments on it? I find it fascinating!
I do. This summer was the first time I was able to really show it off. I got tons of compliments on it. I had one guy at a fair call it a "bunny thing" which he was trying to get me to come to his booth. I ignored him, he is ignorant. I went to Branson over my birthday and I got tons of compliments down there. Mostly people tell me they have never seen anything like it. Which was really why I wanted it the way it is. Oh, and my husband's family loves it! Its funny to hear his grandma compliment it!

Any plans for more?
I have plans on finishing the sleeve however far we decide to go with it. I get ideas and pass them by my artist. He is very excited to do the next one. He is very glad that the whisk in my "skull and crossbones" is the only one that I want, he said it was very hard to make it thin enough and still fill it in with the gray. My next tattoo is one that my chef found, its a memorial tattoo for the baby we lost, it will be a matching tattoo for us. Trust me, I will post pictures of the work I have done as its done. Also, its funny that I like tattoos so much, I hate needles but the end result is very worth it. It just feels like a bad sunburn.


In the vague future I'd like to share Jessica's chef's tattoos but this post is all about her!

Other tattoo posts:
Tattoo Chefs

Marks of a Chef

Food is Love,
Hilary

The Wedding Ring

A fellow  (soon-to-be) chefwife and reader just emailed me and asked if I could write about the topic of wedding rings. Laura from Tahiti is planning a wedding and needs a little help. Her soon-to-be chef husband is saying he can't wear his wedding band to work. What are your experiences with this?

It's been nearly 5 years since I had the very same conversation with Erik. He also said he wouldn't be able to wear his band at work. I'm a little embarrassed to say that I pretty much told Erik he had to wear it. Looking back, I wish I had a little more tact when approaching the matter. But after all, it's a public symbol of our marriage, love, and commitment to each other. He has worn it ever since the day I put it on his finger and never had a problem cooking with it. Although it did fall off his hand when he was swimming in Long Island Sound a few summers ago. After borrowing a little kid's pair of goggles, he found it! The water wasn't clear either!  What a miracle.


Should a chef have to wear his wedding band at work? Would the argument change if the chef were a wife with an cumbersome diamond on her finger?

Food is Love,
Hilary

Word Play

Can I pass you the what?
You need the huh?
This was made how?
I have to what with this thing-a-ma-jig?

Not a week goes by when I don't look at my chef with a perplexed and dazed expression and ask "what did you just say"? I may have married a chef but that certainly does not make me one by proxy. I am still clueless, even after years together.

Don't get me wrong though, I have learned some tricks. I have a best friend who shares her knowledge freely, her name is "Google". And then there is the bible, LaRousse Gastronomique. This giant encyclopedia contains words that even the chef doesn't know. It also comes in handy when you can't figure out how to spell the word for a google search.

To ease the learning curve for anyone with a chef in their life, I have noted some of my favorite translations below:

Bain Marie = A water bath for keeping cooked food or dishes warm or without allowing them to continue cooking. OR fancy term for a metal container.

Mirepoix = a culinary preparation of diced vegetables. Uh, OR you could just call it a mixture of carrot, onion and celery.

Roux = a cooked mixture of equal amounts of flour and butter used to thicken sauces. I like to think of it as the awesome mix that makes awesome mixes more awesome.

What words stumped you? Which ones would you share?
Let's start the chef wife dictionary!
Take that Chef Smarty Pants.....

-BK