Speak Up

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Cheating with his Career

Comment from a reader on Are The Wives Doomed? How can we help this lovely chefwife out? I'd love to see many comments, which would give our friend here a cornucopia of our genius. 

I am just discovering this site, and read through all these comments... and my question is: is anyone Christian and has advice on how to make it work with a chef? How do you prioritize God- then Husband- then Family... when your chef is only prioritizing CHEF??

I am married to a chef/owner- 10 years- been together for 13 years- have a almost 3 and a 4 year old- and we are all *suffering* in this lifestyle. Back in the day I was the first to say how great being with a chef was- I had so much freedom to do what I wanted and still had a man that came home every night (eventually)... but I was lying to myself to make my situation seem ok because the loneliness and being second to a career is not the way we are supposed to live our lives. Chef first is NOT natural. Now, I understand there is a lot more that goes into all of our stories... it is hard to sum it up... but I had thought we were "soul mates"...but the whole time he has been cheating on me- with his career. 

First of all, I don't see why he can't be your soul mate just because he put his career. I don't use the term often, but my chef husband is still my soul mate even though he doesn't always put me a notch above his career. If a soul mate is a person who is absolutely perfect, then they are as impossible to find as mother who doesn't guilt, or a child who doesn't cry. And as far as lying to yourself- I know about that. Read it in a book I think, because it certainly would never occur to me to lie in order to create a facade for my family and friends. And if my writing skills are lacking here I'll go ahead and say I'm being facetious. I don't blame you for doing it. It worked for you at the time, it got you through. 

Have you told your husband any of this? Does he know how you feel about it priorities vs. yours? My number advice is always the same: communicate. Tell him as directly as you can what is happening for you. If at all possible avoid yelling, criticising, blaming, or worst of all, nagging. If Tim and Nina Zagat could rate my nagging, I'd get a 30. And considering your close relationship with God, I'm sure you've already prayed about it, but what about praying together? 

I can't wait to hear what the rest of the ladies have to say. 

Food is Love,