Desperate Chefs' Wives

Single Chef Seeking Night Owl

2012-01-23T19:29:00.002-05:00

Dating is hard enough without the added pressure of being a chef. I received a comment today and thought I'd help this lady out by asking all of you for advice. If we put all of our genius together, we should be able to get this lady on the right track.

So my issue comes from a different part of the spectrum. I am a 29 year old female chef trying to date!! Any suggestions with this? I am trying the online dating route and everyone seems to be working when I am off and off when I am working. I am going out of my mind! There is a high percentage of chefs dating other chefs but I am not interested in dating a co-worker to keep things professional. Any help out there?
Thanks!

My suggestion would be to make the most of your days off. Best case scenario, you have two days off that can be used to getting out there and meeting people. Although bars are so cliche, I wonder if there are any lounges where you live? Have you tried to ask your friend if they have single friends? And I completely agree that dating a co-worker is unprofessional, and oftentimes sticky, I do think that another chef at a different restaurant might not be a bad idea. Do you live in NY? I know a guy who may have access to several chefs...

Food is Love,

Hilary

Truth Is...

2012-01-18T18:54:00.001-05:00

My friend Kerilyn over at Married to a Chef has asked several women to share their thoughts on the marriage-chef-children system. Take a look at what I've written.

And don't forget, Kerilyn is having a get-together in NYC this weekend for anyone who is interested in making a connection.

Food is Love,
Hilary

NY Magazine Lifts The Veil on Fine Dining

2012-01-10T19:37:00.001-05:00

An anonymous Per Se waiter reveals some of the most intimate and surprising details of his job. The part that touched me the most and in fact brought a tear to my eye: "There’s nothing more fun than to wait on someone who is genuinely interested in the food. You’ll get a couple that comes in, and this is their one time a year, and they’re just so happy to be at the restaurant. There was this kid blogger, he was like 16 or 17, and he had blogged about how he was saving up his allowance to come to Per Se. And he did. He came by himself and had lunch."

For other workplace 'snitch' articles from the most recent New York Magazine issue, including a teacher, a banker, a bikini waxer, an ER doctor, and many more, see here.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Pool the Wives

2012-01-06T21:16:00.000-05:00

Kerilyn Russo of Married to a Chef is hosting a gathering of chefs' wives/girlfriends and any significant others this month. Russo is a certified life coach with a new website geared toward supporting those who support the chefs. Her home base is the DC area and those wives meet on a regular basis.

Saturday, January 21
2PM
Ink48 Hotel- Print Restaurant

For more information visit Married to a Chef. And don't forget to visit Kerilyn's Facebook Page.

Hope to see you there!

Food is Love,
hilary

The Today Show with My Chef!

2012-01-04T18:10:00.000-05:00

**Update** Erik will no longer be presenting the dishes he put together for the Today Show segment. A different chef will. yep. different chef.

This Sunday my fabulous chef husband will be doing a segment on tailgating for The Today Show weekend edition! I think I'm more excited than he is. He'll be cooking some fabulous burgers and other tailgating goodies from the Go Burger restaurants located in Los Angeles and New York. Although I won't be on air with Erik, Maverik and I will be the exuberant pair of fans leaning on the metal gates outside. I'm not sure of the exact times of the segment, but he doesn't have the be there until 8 AM so it's sometime after that. Set your DVRs people- this is HUGE (or us at least).

GO Burger

Los Angeles

6290 Sunset Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA 90028

New York

1448 2nd Avenue
(bet. 75th and 76th Street)
New York, NY 10021

Food is Love,

Hilary

8 Day Work Week

2011-12-10T19:47:00.001-05:00

There's a common idea in our lovely little community that being a chef wife and mother is akin to being a single mother. Why is that notion so common? Because it's true! With a little work and time I think anyone can make the best of the rough situation. But what happens when your rough situation gets even rougher?

Just when I was getting a handle on teaching and managing a middle school over 40 hours a week with a toddler at home who I never spend enough time with and a husband who gets a random "weekend" each week--BOOM. Now he's working every day. I know chefs work insane hours and days and I know my husband isn't the only chef working like a dog, but COME ON, 7 days??! And this week, when my nearly two year old was too sick to go to school, I was the one who used up two sick days since Erik is just too important to. Some days I feel spread so thin I could just peel away like stretched silly putty. My arms would dangle and wiggle dropping the numerous bags I haul to daycare, school, the park, the doctor, the mall, and back home again at some point. And then...the Saint Jude telethon comes on and realize, after all, I am the luckiest woman in the world.

Food is Love,

Hilary

100 Pound Meatball

2011-11-09T17:39:00.003-05:00

It's not often that your chef comes home and asks, "How would you make a 100 pound meatball?" Now I wouldn't even begin to tackle that challenge so I just sat, stunned. A publicity event has got my chef rolling in meatballs.

Here is a photo essay of the trek a chef takes to create a 100 pound meatball. This is only the beginning- and only the TEST ball. Today is Wednesday and it won't be ready until Monday morning.

Erik and Anthony proudly showing off their supplies for the Most Ridiculously Large Meatball ever. -BLT Steak White Plains

Anthony Micari had to heat the 30 inch bowl for it to fit into the oven.

Chef Anthony, he's really not a small guy- just looks miniscule compared to 130 pounds of uncooked meat

It's beginning to bake. I'm reminded a certain red head who's six foot loaf of bread started out very similarly to this....

A man, proud of his massive meat mound

Food is Love, (and that meatball is made with loads of love)

Hilary

I Think I'm Going to Be Sick

2011-10-06T19:38:00.000-05:00

Ok ok, so here is another question of ethics. Can you, or rather: should you sue a restaurant if you know or even suspect that their food gave you food poisoning? I'm asking because according to TMZ, Pierce Bronson's wife, Keely, is suing R & D Kitchen in LA because she claims they gave her a severe case of food poisoning which apparently gave her serious and permanent injuries. I haven't had food poisoning in a long time but I do remember it being a horribly long and suffering week. But I just don't see this claim standing up in court. How will her highly paid lawyers prove that it was the food from k & D Specifically that made her ill? I think I just answered my own question. Have you ever suffered food poisoning from a restaurant and went back at them either with a nasty phone call or lawsuit? If I knew I ate bad clams at a certain restaurant, i'd definitely call them in hopes of preventing someone else from getting sick, but I wouldn't sue.

**UPDATE**

I just heard from TMZ that what actually happened was Keely took a bite of carrot cake with a walnut shell in it! Now this is much different than tainted clams. This walnut may have fractured her tooth. And the restaurant did offer a payout, but it was rejected. If it were me and I suffered from I would consider a careless mistake, I'd expect the restaurant to pay for any medical bills. But I have a feeling she wants much much more. We'll see how this turns out. I wonder if the pastry chef was fired. I certainly hope not. Although it appears to be a careless mistake, it doesn't seem worth losing a job over.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Are the wives doomed?

2011-09-29T20:19:00.000-05:00

Tonight I got a comment from a lovely wife in need of our advice. I could email her myself but why not gather the genius of us all?

I have been a chef wife for 2 years- girlfriend for 8 before that. I told myself for 10 years that life would get better & we'd have more time together, but so far it hasn't happened. For about 9 years, I was 2nd, 3rd or 4th to various things. About a year ago he left me, saying he wasn't sure he wanted to be married (and I suspect he wanted to try out life with a new waitress he connected with. He came back a few months later, asked for forgiveness, I gave it & he has made a huge effort to make things work. But now I am questioning whether or not this life is worth it. I find myself not giving 100% to our marriage & it kills me. I love him dearly & he is one of my favorite people. I feel like we're doomed. Any advice? I'm tired of spending holidays, weekends and every night alone.

Food Is Love,
hilary

Hell's Kitchen Winner Wins My Husband! Sort of.

2011-09-21T16:37:00.001-05:00

I have a culinary guilty pleasure that I'm not above admitting. Yes, I watch Hell's Kitchen. I know that it's the trailer park version of Top Chef, but I just can't help it. Where else can you see a completely irate chef smashing cod and calling hopeless chefs donkeys? It's absolutely ridiculous but I can't help myself. And this season has proved especially intriguing because the winner receives a one year contract with BLT Steak in NYC. Yep- the winner will be working with my husband. I'm not sure yet if the prized chef will take the job and money, or just the job. It was definitely cool seeing BLT in all of the episodes and I'm glad the company was able to get so much press. BLT already has one ex-reality star working for them. Cliff from Top Chef season 2 will actually be the chef above our Hell's Kitchen alum. Interesting class of the boob tube stars.

Erik watched with me occasionally but for the most part the last thing he wants to do after working 13 hours in a kitchen is watch other people working in a kitchen.

Hell's Kitchen season 9 recently wrapped and the winner is....THIS GUY.

Paul Niedermann from Davie, FL

Looks nice, right?

he wasn't my first pick- I like Will from Jersey City, NJ but you never can tell with 'reality' TV.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Hamburglar

2011-09-19T20:30:00.002-05:00

Ethics in the workplace isn't just a workshop you've been forced to attend. It also involves more than stealing post-its or reporting a coworker of pinching reams of paper. In the restaurant industry ethics comes down to things a bit bigger than post-its: people. Is it wrong to open a restaurant and take half the kitchen staff from your old job? On the one hand you are working to create a successful business and where else would you get the best cooks, but from your previous job? On the other hand it's unethical to recruit former coworkers. On the other, other hand (yeah things are getting freaky) how much responsibility is held by the person being recruited?

Have you or your chef walked into work to find half your cooks have jumped ship? Have you jumped ship yourself and was it worth it? Have you recruited your bosses employees and slept at night?

I'm not sure where I stand on all of this. What about you?

Food is Love,

Hilary

I'm Ready For My Closeup

2011-09-08T18:54:00.001-05:00

Well, not at all actually. I was approached by yet another production company that wants to make a reality show focused on the glamour and intrigue of women married to chefs. The only thing is, they don't want wives married to famous chefs- so Mrs. Batali and Mrs. Vongerichten need not apply. They want women married to chef/restaurant owners who are attending galas and leading lives similar to the ladies on the Real Housewives. I've just emailed my contact at the company saying that I don't think such wives exist. But I could be wrong. In my experience, the women married to non-famous chefs are usually working women and mothers.

When I first started this blog in 2007 I was spending my weekend at restaurants and bars all over New York. Arm in arm with two other chef's girlfriends I was having the time of life and getting loads of PX treatment at some of the best places in the city. Four years and one baby later and I'm still spending my weekends at restaurants, it's just that those restaurants are kid friendly and dinner is around 5.

Are you a Jill Zarin? Or more of a Ramona? If you are out there reading this blog and want your Real Housewives style life shown in a reality show send me a comment or email and I'll forward your information along to the production company. This company by the way is the same company that puts on Iron Chef and Iron Chef America so they are no strangers to food shows.

Just remember if you become famous...it all started here

Food is Love,
hilary

Lights, Camera, Action!!

2011-08-04T13:29:00.001-05:00

A friend of a friend of mine is casting for a new chef competition show. So if you chef is destined for FAME then check it out. And of course please let us know if your chef decides to audition. We'd love to get behind someone we "know" and root for them!

http://magicalelves.com/casting/AW80.html

Food is Love,
Hilary

Man, I Love Her

2011-07-25T14:15:00.001-05:00

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge at a Culinary event at the Hotellerie du Quebec on July 02, 2011 in Montreal, Canada.

The stunning Catherine Middleton looks absolutely adorable in a chef coat. Most women say they love a man in uniform, well I say I love a man in a chef coat. And what's more sexy than a man in a chef coat? A woman in a chef coat. Long gone are the days of the boyfriend tee, boyfriend jeans, and boy shorts- bring on the boyfriend chef coat.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Home Turf

2011-06-24T19:59:00.000-05:00

I'm curious how often you eat at your chef's restaurants. I've known some chefs who absolutely loathed the idea of their wife and her friends eating in the restaurant they worked in. They were always paranoid that it would seem as if they are taking advantage of a great situation. I've also known other chefs and managers who couldn't get their wives to eat enough of their food. I think it had a lot to do with pride and being able to show off their beautiful wife to the entire restaurant, but also showing off their food to their wives and friends. Erik has always been somewhere between the two extremes. He's a bit conservative and prefers that I'm not in the dining room every weekend, but when I am in one the restaurants he goes all out. Oh yeah, he loves to be able to "blow it out" and impress me and whoever
else I'm with. I'm certainly not complaining, it's great to be treated like a restaurant rock star once in a blue moon.

Do you eat in your chefs' restaurants often? Do you feel comfortable eating there?

Food is Love,
Hilary

Cooking Relay

2011-06-15T05:07:00.000-05:00

Once in a while having a chef husband who comes home sometime after Jay Leno starts but before Jimmy Fallon ends, is quite beneficial. Last night I started a brisket going at 6 and he finished it off around midnight. I've also got a clean kitchen and a serving ready for my lunch at work. Teacher often team teach together, but I've never heard of chefs co-cookings. I think this may work more often...

Food is Love,
Hilary

Fire in the Kitchen

2011-06-01T19:44:00.000-05:00

Kitchens need fire. A perfectly controlled fire can cook the most delicious food in the world. Restaurants can't run without it. But what happens when the fire you need, the fire you love, turns on you and burns uncontrollably?

What happens when the industry that feeds you- literally- also drains you? I hate to be so vague, but I'm not in a place to share the nitty gritty details about our struggles. I can really only say that I feel helpless because I can't help Erik. I'll do my best to support him continue to pray for the best.

Food is Love
Hilary

Kimchi Chronicles

2011-05-15T15:53:00.001-05:00

I've always referred to Marja Vongerichten as the Queen of all Chefs' wives. Jean-Georges was my husband's first boss and a serious mentor in his culinary career. I've met Marja only ones and she was too beautifully intimidating for me to say anything intelligent to. A small "hi" tumbled out of my mouth.

You two are just adorable
Marja and Jean-Georges Vongerichten

Although the Desperate Chefs' Wives reality show is a sad April fool's day joke passed, Marja has her own legit television series on PBS. Kimchi Chronicles follows Marja and several weekly guests as they explore various Korean eateries, create dishes in her Westchester kitchen, and take part in other Korean activities. I've only just caught the tail end of one episode and it's very charming. As a mother of a one-quarter Korean son I've just got to brush up on my Kimchi recipes. Maverik has eaten bon chon chicken and pickled daikon radishes- but that's the extent of his Korean cultural food knowledge.

Kimchi Chronicles airs at 4:00 PM on PBS here in New York.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Can You Hear Me Now?

2011-04-29T21:27:00.000-05:00

Trying to get a chef on the phone is like trying to get an 8:30 table at Ko on Friday night: it ain't happening. A successful day of communication would mean I get a substantial 3 minute conversation with Erik, one in which we speak in short hand in order to maximize information shared. I'm lucky if I can get Erik on the phone, so if I do I scramble to blurt out the days events and baby milestones before he cuts me off to "put out a fire". I assumed once Erik became a corporate chef, complete with business cards and a blackberry, that he's be easier to get a hold of. HA. In theory a person with two cell phones should be more attainable, but as it turns out one phone call a day is still the norm around here. people in prison get more phone time than that.

- - - Believe it or not, Erik just called. I haven't really spoken to him all day. It was a 5 minute conversation that abruptly ended with: "Gotta go, getting on the train". I'll take what I can get.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Who Wins? Who Loses?

2011-04-15T16:46:00.000-05:00

Without giving away too many details that really aren't mine to giveaway, Erik was given an opportunity- a fabulous opportunity to be the chef at a new restaurant. But I am not thrilled, not at all. It would mean moving to Chicago. It's not the moving that concerns me, it's not the thought of having to find a new babysitter or house, it's not even the thought of having to search and land a new job. The single greatest reason that I didn't say yes right away is my career here.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, the wives of chefs DO have careers. No, I don't mean hosting gala dinners or starring on a real housewives show. I mean a career. I am lucky enough to work at an amazing inner city school that is RUN BY TEACHERS. I am one of those teachers. And although I am part of a large group of teachers/administrators, and I work during the summer, late nights and even some Saturdays, I still get paid $47, 723.

But it seems that Erik thinks because I make less than him, because I'm not motivated by awards, recognition, or reviews for what I do-well it must not be that important. If I got an incredible teaching or administrative opportunity that required us to move Erik wouldn't do it. Not ever. So what is my value? How do the votes work around here? Do I get a certain percentage of votes based on my salary? Isn't everything equal? 50/50? HA, not in this world. No way. Let's not forget I moved to NY 7 years ago, transfered schools and uprooted my whole life to be with Erik. It was a great decision that afforded us both some amazing opportunities, including the job I've got now.

I'm torn about this whole thing. A marriage is a partnership of two people willing to make sacrifices for each other. So am I a bad wife for not wanting to move? Is is he a bad husband for asking me to? If we go then I'll resent him for taking away a job that gives me opportunities to grow and learn that I wouldn't find anywhere else. And if I say no, then Erik will resent me as he reads all the articles about how fabulous the new chef in Chicago is doing. Who wins? Who loses? And why does it always have to feel that way?

Sometimes it feels as if Erik is a teacher hater just like the rest of America is right now. But I know he's not. He adores what I do and he is my biggest fan. It's just that for Erik, the chef coats are gleaming a brighter white than the chalk on my board.

Food is Love,
Hilary

To Make Up For A Few Complaints...

2011-04-09T11:42:00.000-05:00

After all the times I've complained I figure its nice to show one of the wonderful sides of marriage. For Pete's sake I needed to create an entire blog to connect with other women and commiserate about our husband's. If we don't celebrate the fabulous moments as well, then what's the point? Let's face it, there are reason- amazing reasons- that we treasure and adore the men we share our lives with.

I love you, Erik.

Food Is Love,
Hilary

What Will He Choose?

2011-04-07T18:52:00.000-05:00

As a mother to a one-quarter Korean baby, I wanted to give Maverik the opportunity to learn about his culture, as much as I can being a 100% caucasian mother. The first birthday is a big deal in Korean culture and one particular tradition at the big event, is the doljabi. Several objects are placed on a table or rug in front of the baby. The first two objects he picks up will be windows to his future. We set out for Maverik these interesting objects...

spool of yarn- long life

rice- abundance

baseball- athlete

money- wealth

drumstick- musician

notebook- scholar

pencil- teacher

knife- chef

What will he choose?

uh-oh

He picked the pencil! I can't believe he picked the pencil! In a time where teachers are being bashed left and right I don't know how I feel about him entering the classroom, but of I'd support him no matter what. he's my boy!

Just like Mommy!

but it wasn't over yet...He picked. Up. The Knife!! Wow...you should have heard the screaming from our friends, the other kids, and of course ME. WHAAAT? I joke that I'd never wish teaching or cooking upon my worst enemy, and that is partially true. But truth be told: chef, teacher, or culinary professor- Maverik will be given all the support he could possibly need- he'll need it!

Food Is Love,

hilary

Desperate Chefs' Wives on NBC this Fall

2011-04-01T19:30:00.000-05:00

I've always wanted this blog to be turned into a show or best selling novel, but today gave me a heart attack. This afternoon, APRIL FIRST, Erik told me about an article he saw on Eater. "Desperate Chefs' Wives" the TV show with super famous chefs' wives such as Mrs. Colicchio, Mrs. Andres, and Mrs. Bourdain. I got nervous right away. How could they use my name? MY NAME?? At first I thought Erik was playing a cruel trick on me, but after I saw the post for myself, i went into panic mode. And all for nothing.

THIS horrible joke-story which was meant to fool all the foodies of the interwebs fooled me, THE desperate Chef's Wife, the most. I went as far as calling my step dad to get the number of his lawyer. (He was one in litigation with Usher over his record label name) Ok, Jose Andres, you got me. I guess I should have noticed the tag line that read, "april fool's" or the fact that Conan O'Brien's wife was going to be on the show, too.

Anyone else get it good today??

Food is Love,

Hilary

Hear Us Roar

2011-03-06T09:45:00.000-05:00

After doing a little web perusing I found out something very interesting...there are a generous amount of chef wife bloggers out there. I've got 17 alone on my blog role and there's probably more out there. by the way, if you know of any more chef wife bloggers- please send me the link. What does this say about us. Well, for one, blogging has become increasingly popular. I think this is due in part to the wonderful feeling of validation we feel when realizing there are others in the same boat with us. And if there are other women in the same boat- then we have more of a chance of making it through the storm safely. The old adage of "power in numbers" comes to mind. There are countless amounts of blogs in the areas of motherhood, shopping, and of course: cooking. But there is something special about our very unique group of women- which happens to include, mothers, shoppers, and cooks as well.

Also on the web, I found blogs from the wives of farmers, doctors, electricians, preachers, musicians, and soldiers. So I guess no matter who your husband is or what he does, women have an human need to find comfort in the support of other wives. And in 2011 we may not find that support at a bridge club meeting or Wednesday night fish fry, but we find it just the same.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Stuck in Resentment

2011-02-22T17:02:00.000-05:00

For those of you with children you probably know that they multiply the struggles already associated with being married to a chef- or anyone who works more than 40 hours a week. I've been really suffering trying to balance a home, a child, and full time job that requires more time than I have. I have guilt when I drop my son off at the babysitter's. I have guilt when I have to explain my son's needs to my job. And I always have resentment towards Erik for not being able to share in the work.

That may seem like a bold statement, but I'm being direct and honest and I'm not telling you anything I haven't already told Erik. I've said it and read it a thousand times: having a child with a chef is like being a single mother. I've asked Erik to help more, but he only has so many hours in the day. No matter how many times we put our heads together and make new plans for dividing up the work- it never fails to fall to me. I carry the physical work as well as the emotional stress associated with a sick baby, child care, doctor visits, teething, etc. What's a woman to do?

How do you other mothers make it work? I'm unwilling to live in resentment. resentment that, in my experience, is in most marriages, not just those of over worked chefs.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Here We Go Again

2011-02-14T20:59:00.001-05:00

I never watched Sex in the City when it was on HBO. I was in high school passing notes to Erik and worrying about English essays- it just didn't apply to me then. But now I'm a YUPpie and new mom with a serious need to unwind and SITC has got me covered. I've been inspired with Carrie Bradshaw's smooth writing voice-I've GOT to get back on this blog! And what better day to rededicate myself a day we are all perusing the interwebs in our PJs anyways- Valentine's Day!

My inconsistent blogging was due to a lack of inspiration and not enough time to spare. But since I've finally managed the working mother role I can spend more time writing.

Let's talk about a topic that comes up often for chefs' wives and girlfriends: Valentine's Day. Honestly, if it weren't for my friend Hilary offering to watch Maverik, Erik and I were going to ignore the holiday completely. We had a delicious lunch at Lupa on Sunday but now it's Valetine's Day and I'm sitting at home like any other Monday watching a commercial for none other than a Trojan Massager...nice.

PC: eatdrinkbetter.com

But the idea of lonely chefs's wives and girlfriends has been talked to death. Yeah, yeah, yeah we don't see our spouses on holidays and by now, many of us have either gotten used to it or just masked our pain. But what I want to know is HAS WORKING DURING THE HOLIDAYS CREATED JADED CHEFS? While we spend an extra ten minutes search the depths of our closet to find a red shirt or pink sweater, chefs all over the world are leaving for work ten minutes earlier to prepare for the holiday rush. The average person looks into a candle lit dining room on V-Day and sees pairs of lovely couples sharing a romantic evening. But a chef looks at the same dining room and sees deuces at tables waiting to be turned. There are no cupids and paper hearts on their mind. Right now every chef is praying they don't have to eighty six the Arctic Char.

Even if Valentine's Day was declared a legal holiday for chefs, would it make a difference or be to late to matter?

Food is Love,
hilary

Hefty Basics Giveaway WINNERS!

2011-02-05T07:32:00.000-05:00

Congrats to Mami2jcn, Karin, and Chrstine! You'll receive an email from me shortly with details. Congrats again Ladies! Enjoy your plates and maybe your chefs can cook you up something tasty on them.

Food Is Love,
hilary

Hefty Basics GIVEAWAY

2011-01-29T10:18:00.000-05:00

Although you won't normally find paper plates in my cabinets, I've come to realize even PAPER plates can be green. These new Hefty Basics are biodegradable, in-home compost friendly, and free of inks, dyes, or coatings. They even come with box top points for those with little ones at home. Hefty Basics paper plates sent me some samples and I've got FREE plates for THREE lucky readers. All you have to do is leave a comment with your email answering the following question:

Other than paper plates, what other household item would you love to turn disposable and biodegradable?

As for me, I wish baby bottles were biodegradable, they are such pain to wash!

I'll choose a winner randomly on Friday the 4th.

Good luck!

Food is Love,
Hilary

Salt Fire

2011-01-15T20:21:00.001-05:00

On Christmas day my sister made her 'famous' cobbler. She didn't have the one my grandmother gave her so she used one she found on the internet. Whoops. She it started to overflow and drip down into the bottom of my mom's new oven. And then it caught on fire. Well, luckily for us Erik was home in Ohio with me and he rushed over to save the day. As he's asking my mom for some salt to throw on it, she screams, "I have kosher and rock".

Really mom? I guess sometimes even a fire needs just the right ingredients.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Just What the Doctor Ordered

2011-01-13T20:20:00.000-05:00

A New York Chef Girlfriend emailed me this week asking about the health of the men who feed us. In my mind I don't pictures chefs being in tip top shape. How can they? They haven't got time to exercise. They eat an outrageous amount of butter just in the thousands of tasting spoons they pop in their mouths each day. They work 12 hour shifts on 5 hours of sleep. They consume late night fattening meals and drink like fish. Glamorous right?

These guys are overweight and underpaid. I've even learned of a very young, 29 year old chef who has type II diabetes. This is getting serious.

So is this a problem among chefs or just a problem among Americans? Is the industry taking a toll on the health of the chefs at the center of it?

Food is Love,
Hilary

Happy New Year, Now Let's Get Busy!

2011-01-01T22:44:00.000-05:00

Hi Ladies! It's 1/1/11 and a new year has begun. Thousands of kisses were shared in Times Square, champagne glasses have been emptied, and our resolutions have been made. so now let's get down to business! I was sent an email today from a chef wife in need of some advice and comforting and I know you all are just terrific at creating a supportive environment.

Let's talk about sex, baby. Well, at least the most PG rated conversations you can water down so that we can help each other while still maintaining a professional atmosphere here. Save the details and verbal images for another time, please.

Our friend writes:
I have been dealing lately with my husband having no interest in sex. As it is finding time for Sex is nearly impossible, due to his 15 plus hour work days, but we also have a child. He walks in the door around 2:00-4:00am and of course he and I are both too tired to put out. Then on his two days off we have a 3 year old around, so the few opportunities we have to have sex now he is too tired or would rather sit on the couch and watch TV. I am the sole initiator and then he just goes through the motions. There is no passion anymore. I haven't let myself go, I still look hot and make sure to shower everynight before getting in bed, you know just incase. I tell myself that he is so stressed from work he can't perform and his libido is low, but I can't help sometimes thinking that he is getting sex somewhere else. Like at 1:00am with a hostess, waitress or food runner. I would like to know what other Chef wives sex lives are like. Especially those with kids.

I know I can't be the only one facing this problem right now.

What do you think? Is this something that eventually happens in marriage, especially POST baby? Is it a chef thing? A husband thing? A wife thing? How can the spark be kindled once again if both husband and wife are exhausted and stressed? And how should these topics be brought to the attention of our spouses? After all this isn't really easy to talk about.

By the way, something really interesting I read in this wife's email:" I divorce my husband daily in my head and then I read some posts on your site and feel better." First of all, THANK YOU. I'm honored to be helpful! A second, I really like the idea of a mental divorce. I guess I've done it before, but never really put it into those words. Clever.

Food is Love,
Hilary

The Food Boss

2010-11-16T17:58:00.000-05:00

I've heard from other chefswives and non chefswives alike that sometimes their significant other can be a bit of a food boss. What's a food boss? It's exactly what it sounds like. Someone who tells, or "politely encourages" you what to order, buy, cook, and eat. ARG- it's beyond annoying.

I only came to realize that Erik is a food boss. But it started about 5 years ago when we got married. Erik and I have always gone grocery shopping together. I don't know why it started that way, but now it's one of our weekend traditions and I really enjoy it. Anyhow, the food boss in him kicks in right away around the produce. I get a craving for asparagus and suggest a bunch to make with some hollandndaise. STOMP. That idea is quickly squashed by the boss who kindly reminds me that asparagus is out of season in November. AGH. On the one hand, I'm happy to have a chef around who is able to act as my own personal farmer's Almanac. But on the other hand, ignorance is bliss, or in this case, satisfaction and a full tummy. I'd rather buy produce in season. It's better tasting and better for the environment. But sometimes I want an apple in April!

I'm not going to lie. I LOVE Sam's Club and Costco. And a big part of that love comes from the terribly delicious food they serve ready to eat. Pizza, churros, icees, Italian sausage, and hot dogs. I'm salivating just thinking about it. Well the other day Erik asked me if I wanted anything else to eat. I asked for a soft pretzel. We had never got one from there before and I wanted to try one. I'm willing to risk the 97 cent loss to try one. He looked at me and said, "really? They don't look good" How good can a pretzel look anyways? It's a hunk of dough and salt? I love my husband, he bought me a pretzel and it was warm, tasty, and just what I wanted.

Does anyone else have a food boss in their life? A boyfriend who discourages you from ordering the salmon because the restaurant is known for its burgers? A friend who reminds you how fatty that butter soaked shrimp is. A mother in law who coldly questions your choice of side dish for the pot luck?

YOU are the boss of your own food destiny.

Food is Love,
Hilary

The Whole Package

2010-11-07T08:42:00.000-05:00

Hi Everybody! Firstly I would like to thank our gracious host for allowing me the space to share my vision with you. I am grateful to her for creating a place where I can feel understood, especially when society only sees the sexy side of this industry. My name is Kerilyn Russo. I, like you, are married to a chef. A smidge over one year now, although it took a decade for my husband, Peter, an Executive Chef at LIAS (http://liasrestaurant.com) an Italian restaurant in the DC area; and I to a place where we were ready to be together as husband and (chefs)wife. Probably for the same reason you already know, it's challenging to be connected to someone who works long hours, weekends, holidays; enjoys the night life, and the temptations that come with being a creature of the night. We have our moments when, no matter how "in" it we are in our relationships, we face our doubts, our love, our future plans that sometimes do not always seem on solid ground.

For myself, during those ten years, I had to go out and experience being with someone who was available when I was (being a 9-5'er). At the time I was convinced being the girlfriend of a chef just wasn't the life for me. Dating someone who had the same hours as myself was fun at times, but I eventually realized (it took a few years) that something was missing.

It was me.

I somehow misplaced the Kerilyn who relished having a Saturday to herself when she could get stuff done, and who enjoyed going out with her girlfriends on a Friday nite (even if it was to go to the restaurant where he worked). I became aware that when I was dating my chef, I had more time for self-care, and never found myself feeling the intense guilt that I did when I knew my boyfriend was home after work when I was. It was ONLY after being with someone who was more available, that I realized that what I had was what I wanted. It hit me one day when I was laying in my bed, missing that side of myself that felt more natural, more "me", that what I had with my chef (whom I always loved, that was never the issue) was what I had been missing. I am SO glad that I had the chance to experience the contrast to what I have now, to fully appreciate the freedom I DO have. I am grateful for lifes serendipity that I had the gift of reconnection with the man who I was always meant to marry.

So away we go into being engaged, working our way toward marriage when it resurfaced. It sounded a bit like:

ME: "Honey - What are we going to do for Valentines Day??"

HIM: "I don't know honey.. The restaurant has 300+ Covers that day...It's going to be a long day!"

ME: (Sad and angry but already knowing this) "Why don't you ask (insert one of my husbands fellow Chefs names here - Someone who already has kids and is married in this industry) how THEY make it work!!!"

HIM: "Why don't you ask his wife!"

That got me thinking... He's right! I don't need to ask my soon to be husband.. who does NOT know how challenging it can be how to make it work.. I need to ask the significant others! So I began to seek out an online support refuge - somewhere where I can commune with others in the same predicament as myself... found Hilary and the valuable resource which we now find ourselves; but I wanted MORE. I wanted to talk to someone who understood. To meet face to face, to get advice, to give my support. I was almost obsessed. And so, armed with my philosophy of "What do I REALLY have to lose?" I decided I would create what I wanted to find for myself! And that's when http://marriedtoachef.com became an idea in hibernation!

I am creating an entire platform where you can find exactly what your looking for, when you need it. You need to hear stories of how others got through it? Yep, check. You want to meet up with someone on your birthday when your Chef is working? Check. Maybe a play date with your children; so you can find a break with someone who REALLY understands. Yes! I want to interview wives and girlfriends of famous Restaurateurs to see how fame adds another level of challenge to the mix. I want to focus on the different stages of our relationship; dating, marriage, having a family and the exciting (and exhausting) world of restaurant ownership! I want to hear from YOU, to help others where you might have already found a way.This site is for US! There have been others all over the world, from Australia to London, to British Columbia who are already reaching out, that have already signed up to join us. I know there is a significant other in Hong Kong who is not sure she/he has what it takes to date someone in this industry. There is a need world wide for a place for US.

Finally, let me ask you a question. How many of you who are married to someone in this industry are just as much of a foodie as your significant other? I know there are many, but I also know of many who are not. For me, I am not. I am a 9-5'er who just wants a place to find community in our similar situations. There are tons of foodie sites, guaranteed to give you what your looking for. I am not as interested in making this about what restaurant to go to and what famous chef is running the line as I am interested in YOU. The other side of the coin. What made you KNOW that you wanted to be with someone who lives in this fast paced and short tempered world? How do you 'do' it when you have children? How do you find balance in this olive oil soaked world?

Please join me in our pursuit for understanding and support. Sign up and stay tuned when the website goes live in just a few short months (January/February 2011) .

http://marriedtoachef.com

Feel free to contact me at kerilyn@marriedtoachef.com if you have any questions or just want to say Hi! Thank you SO much for this opportunity. I hope as you and your restaurant man or woman goes into the holiday season you know, without a doubt that there is someone else out there asking the same questions, finding the same frustrations, and attempting to maneuver in an industry that doesn't always give recognition to the person who makes the restaurant what it is.. their significant others.

Kerilyn Russo
Arlington,Virginia
http://marriedtoachef.com

The Worst Critic

2010-11-05T19:49:00.000-05:00

Chefs are built to handle criticism. Well, at least they are trained to. Customers, Yelpers, bloggers, food critics and fellow chefs all have something to say about they food your chef prepares for them. On top of that, an infinite number of things can go wrong during a meal...the food is too hot...too cold...too salty...too bland...too old school...too modern...too rare...too well done...too complex...too simple...overwhelming...underwhelming...

I've heard and said them all, plus a few. But what happens when the food you are criticizing is that of your own chef? I hope I'm not alone in this one. I feel such relief when I find out that I'm not alone.

Erik is a great chef. He was trained by the best (CIA, school of Jean-Georges). He's been featured in various publications and has an ongoing professional relationship with the Gohan Society. All that said, sometimes I don't like what he makes at home. And I've made the terrible mistake of telling him. You would have thought I insulted his intelligence and come to think of it, he probably felt as if I did.

I've learned my lesson and I always keep my mouth shut, but not too long ago if Erik asked how I liked something he made, I would answer truthfully. What was I thinking? It's not as if I hated any of the meals he's made for me. But a few times, gasp...the food just wasn't to my liking. I told Erik a couple times that the dish was too salty and he always replied the same: "Well, I guess since you hate all my cooking, I'll never make anything for you again." OK, Woah.

Needless to say he has since cooked for me, but I was in shock. After all, he DID ask. Didn't he want to know? I didn't make a face when I tasted the meal. I didn't spit it out. I enjoyed it and ate it all, but just had that one, insignificant comment.

Please tell me your chefs are the same way. And if they are, how do you deal? Do you still provide honest feedback or do you do the fake "yum" smile that we so often see on TV?

Since the over salty experiences I've decided just to keep my thoughts to myself. It's really not worth it. Maybe it's worse for Erik since I'm not a food critic, patron, or chef....I'm his wife.

Food is Love,
Hilary

My Little Sushi Boy

2010-10-29T18:43:00.000-05:00

I just had to share a picture of my little sushi. My wonderful sister, Christina made this costume and I just love it. I can't wait to take him trick-or-treating. too bad I'll have to eat all his candy for him.

Happy Halloween!!

Food is Love
Hilary

Giveaway Winner

2010-10-28T20:11:00.000-05:00

Using Random.org, I've got a winner for JAN KARON’S MITFORD COOKBOOK AND KITCHEN READER giveaway!! Congrats to Chelsea (CER)!! Your cookbook is on its way- ( as soon as I get your address). So send us some pictures of your final dishes and let us know your favorites.

And coming soon....

Maverik's food themed Halloween costume

Food is Love,
Hilary

Cookbook Giveaway!

2010-10-18T18:17:00.000-05:00

Hey ladies, I've got a great giveaway for you all! All you have to do is leave a comment with your name, email, and the answer to the following question:
What is your favorite deep fried dish?

In honor of the south's fried chicken and recent episode of Unwrapped, I've been thinking about fried foods. my favorite? Good ol' french fries. I just love hot, salty, fried spuds with a heap of ketchup on top. mmm.

This month, Penguin Books is proud to present the paperback edition of the gorgeously designed JAN KARON’S MITFORD COOKBOOK AND KITCHEN READER (Penguin Books; On-sale now). Jan Karon is the # 1 New York Times bestselling author of the Mitford Series (35 million copies in print).

Millions of readers have discovered the delights of a trip to Mitford, North Carolina and they’ve all found themselves hankering for mouthwatering dishes like Father Tim’s Rector’s Meatloaf and Esther Bolick’s delicious Orange Marmalade Cake. Now, Jan Karon makes it easy to satisfy all these cravings and many more.

Along with 150 fabulous recipes, this four-color cookbook features Jan’s personal reminiscences, dozens of beloved scenes from the Mitford books, jokes, cooking tips, and a story never before published in the novels.

Good Luck! I'll be choosing a winner at random in about a week or so and I'll notify you via email.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Security in Marriage?

2010-09-26T10:00:00.000-05:00

A reader of DCW just wrote to me and presented some thought provoking questions. She is a chef girlfriend and has concerns about her chef boyfriend's late night hours. Especially the time between closing time and his arrival back home. Does anyone else experience this chef time travel? Occasionally- meaning about once a month- Erik has dinner with some of the other chefs. Most nights though he's too tired to go out. Plus he's not much of a drinker at all. But I know some chefs like to get a drink or grab a bite before heading home and if there isn't enough trust built into the relationship-those hours can feel like an eternity.

Another question the reader brought up was that if she were married to her chef, "would there be more security?" Would her worries go away? I say NO WAY. If you have doubts before getting married those doubts will still be there no matter what a piece of paper says. But that certainly doesn't mean there isn't any hope. Trust, in my opinion, can be built and cultivated as long as both people in the relationship are willing to work and communicate.

What do you all feel about the idea of marriage creating a more secure relationship? Did things change when you got married? Were they easier? More trust? Less.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Cupcake Skulll

2010-09-07T17:01:00.000-05:00

One of the many friends I've met via blogging, facebook and general interwebs is Jessica. She blogs about her life as a newlywed chef's wife and culinary student. What a combo! Check her out at Chef in Training.

I saw her clever tattoo on Facebook and I had to share. For someone who will never get a tattoo I have a strange fascination with those relating to cooking.

I just love the wooden spoon and whisk "cross bones". I asked Jessica about her tattoo....

When did you get your pastry skull tattoo?
I got my "cupcake skull" tattoo (as we call it) October 21st 2009

Do you have a name for it?
Not necessarily a name, just my cupcake skull

How did you think of it? Had you seen that design somewhere?
We (my chef and I) thought it up when he offered to do a sleeve or half sleeve, or something for me for going to culinary school. I wanted to do a skull and crossbones in honor of him. He is always pushing me to be better than I am, thus making me a great person. We decided to look around online a bunch for a "cupcake skull", however, a lot that we found were with a skull just sitting in the frosting, not what I envisioned. I have a friend who works at a reputable Tattoo place here in Omaha, so I came to him with the idea. His name is Seth and he works at Big Brain. I love how it turned out. I just went in with ideas of how I wanted the frosting to look, the bottom, and the whisk. I told him "just go home and look at your own wooden spoon" HA! Turned out better than I imagined, he is a talented artist.

Does your husband have any cooking related tattoos?
Ohh yea. He has many, I can ask him if I can photograph them for you, if you are interested.

Do you have any other tattoos?
The cupcake skull is my third. I have my sign (cancer) on my back between my shoulder blades and my daughter's name on my back also.

Do you get a lot of comments on it? I find it fascinating!
I do. This summer was the first time I was able to really show it off. I got tons of compliments on it. I had one guy at a fair call it a "bunny thing" which he was trying to get me to come to his booth. I ignored him, he is ignorant. I went to Branson over my birthday and I got tons of compliments down there. Mostly people tell me they have never seen anything like it. Which was really why I wanted it the way it is. Oh, and my husband's family loves it! Its funny to hear his grandma compliment it!

Any plans for more?
I have plans on finishing the sleeve however far we decide to go with it. I get ideas and pass them by my artist. He is very excited to do the next one. He is very glad that the whisk in my "skull and crossbones" is the only one that I want, he said it was very hard to make it thin enough and still fill it in with the gray. My next tattoo is one that my chef found, its a memorial tattoo for the baby we lost, it will be a matching tattoo for us. Trust me, I will post pictures of the work I have done as its done. Also, its funny that I like tattoos so much, I hate needles but the end result is very worth it. It just feels like a bad sunburn.

In the vague future I'd like to share Jessica's chef's tattoos but this post is all about her!

Other tattoo posts:
Tattoo Chefs

Marks of a Chef

Food is Love,
Hilary

The Wedding Ring

2010-09-03T19:49:00.000-05:00

A fellow (soon-to-be) chefwife and reader just emailed me and asked if I could write about the topic of wedding rings. Laura from Tahiti is planning a wedding and needs a little help. Her soon-to-be chef husband is saying he can't wear his wedding band to work. What are your experiences with this?

It's been nearly 5 years since I had the very same conversation with Erik. He also said he wouldn't be able to wear his band at work. I'm a little embarrassed to say that I pretty much told Erik he had to wear it. Looking back, I wish I had a little more tact when approaching the matter. But after all, it's a public symbol of our marriage, love, and commitment to each other. He has worn it ever since the day I put it on his finger and never had a problem cooking with it. Although it did fall off his hand when he was swimming in Long Island Sound a few summers ago. After borrowing a little kid's pair of goggles, he found it! The water wasn't clear either! What a miracle.

Should a chef have to wear his wedding band at work? Would the argument change if the chef were a wife with an cumbersome diamond on her finger?

Food is Love,
Hilary

Word Play

2010-08-16T20:23:00.000-05:00

Can I pass you the what?
You need the huh?
This was made how?
I have to what with this thing-a-ma-jig?

Not a week goes by when I don't look at my chef with a perplexed and dazed expression and ask "what did you just say"? I may have married a chef but that certainly does not make me one by proxy. I am still clueless, even after years together.

Don't get me wrong though, I have learned some tricks. I have a best friend who shares her knowledge freely, her name is "Google". And then there is the bible, LaRousse Gastronomique. This giant encyclopedia contains words that even the chef doesn't know. It also comes in handy when you can't figure out how to spell the word for a google search.

To ease the learning curve for anyone with a chef in their life, I have noted some of my favorite translations below:

Bain Marie = A water bath for keeping cooked food or dishes warm or without allowing them to continue cooking. OR fancy term for a metal container.

Mirepoix = a culinary preparation of diced vegetables. Uh, OR you could just call it a mixture of carrot, onion and celery.

Roux = a cooked mixture of equal amounts of flour and butter used to thicken sauces. I like to think of it as the awesome mix that makes awesome mixes more awesome.

What words stumped you? Which ones would you share?
Let's start the chef wife dictionary!
Take that Chef Smarty Pants.....

-BK

Don't Hate the Player

2010-08-12T16:35:00.000-05:00

As the outdated saying goes, "don't hate the player, hate the game". So should we be upset with our husbands for their personalities that drive them to be hard working night owls or hate the profession itself? It's really pretty obvious, we love our husbands or else we have walked a while ago. But in the heat of the moment who gets yelled at? Although I've cursed the industry from time to time, it just doesn't have the same effect as riling up my husband. Just something to think about.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Status Update

2010-08-12T16:21:00.000-05:00

After reading my post about being super lonely I realize how depressed I seemed. Funny too, since that wasn't even the lowest point of the last few weeks. I felt as if Erik and I trudged through one of the toughest times in our relationship (excluding highly hormonal high school fights). The extra days and hours that he's been gone really built up seemed to drag me down. After talking about it, yelling and crying about it we both finally saw each other's perspectives. I admitted as well to driving him away- wanting him to feel as miserable and lonely as I did. I'm only human. It still sucks not seeing Erik as much as I'd like and even worse- knowing Maverik only gets half an hour with his dad in the morning. These trying times will make us all stronger.

Food is Love,

Hilary

The Big D

2010-08-04T08:21:00.001-05:00

And I'm not talking about cup size here- The big D-divorce. We are long past the days of after school specials and sit-coms preaching to us that its never the fault of the kids and all that stuff. Is it just me or was the concept of divorce more talked about in the 80s? Nonetheless, divorce still happens. All the time. Both Erik and I are the children of divorced parents, but so what to me. All the family drama I have has nothing to do with the fact that my parents aren't married. I'm sure things would be intolerable if they had, in fact, remained wed.

In high stress marriages such as being married to a chef I would imagine that the idea of divorce comes up often. Not often as in every month, but often as in many of these types of relationships must be strained. I'll be honest and say the idea has floated through my mind in the heat of arguments, but I've never considered it an option. I love my husband and although the pain of being without him most days and nights does exist, it certainly doesn't weigh enough on me to call it quits. But I'd be the first person to understand that these types of relationships don't always work.

Has anyone considered divorce? Been through it yourself? Maybe your relationship with your chef is your second marriage....or his? Of course-your comments are encouraged to be as anonymous as you like.

I suppose my purpose in writing this is to see if there is anyone out there who is contemplating the big D and is in need of an ear and an audience to give constructive advice and encouragement.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Vote for Maverik!

2010-07-31T14:22:00.000-05:00

I promise not to flood this blog with my baby's pictures, but just this once...I need your help!

I entered this picture of Maverik in a photo contest and it ends tomorrow. There are over 1500 entries and Maverik debuted at number 6! But over the week he's dropped a bit. Please vote for him on any and all computers you can get ahold of!

Here is the link: Maverik!

By the way, the prize is $250-not bad, right? Remember, the voting ends tomorrow!

Thanks in advance!

Food is Love,

Hilary

This Lonely Life

2010-07-24T20:24:00.000-05:00

Today, and this whole week really, is one of those times when I feel as if I've been kidding myself every time I say that I'm used to being married to a chef. Who am I trying to convince anyway? Yes, I have come a long way from a whinny, complaining, glass-half-empty person, but I'm not living in some deranged stepford wife bubble. I'm lonely and I'm bored.

Erik has been working 6 or 7 day weeks putting in nearly 90 hours a week to open a new restaurant in the Financial District. I was lucky enough to get out of the house yesterday, sans Baby, and treat my friend to a "friends and family" lunch at the restaurant. But that was really just a sliver of normalcy.

I got back from visiting my family in Ohio a couple weeks ago. I spent two weeks there, and it was great. I was able to introduce Maverik to most of my family and enjoy all the benefits of grandparents. My mom put him down for his naps everyday and watched him so I could go to the gym with my sisters, lay out and otherwise not be tethered to the baby. It was fantastic. But now I'm home again and due to the heat wave here I haven't even been able to get Maverik out of the house much. Erik leaves for work before the baby and I get up and he's home much later than we've gone to bed. I'm still on maternity leave, so I don't even have the stress and responsibilities of work to distract me from my absent husband. I secretly wish he would come home one day and say that he's taken a job working nine to five as an All-Clad cookware tester or something. He'd scoop up Maverik in his arms, grab me close and say that he'd never open a restaurant again, that he'd never travel again and that being close to his family means more to him than anything else in the world....

As reality has it though- I married a chef. A chef who loves what he does. A chef who usually works Monday to Friday, so I really can't complain. I hope I don't seem ungrateful, although I know I do. I just needed to vent about how rough the last two weeks were.

Food is Love,
Hilary

My Version of...

2010-07-12T07:24:00.000-05:00

The Chef and I met years ago and food brought us together. I had never met anyone as interested in all things culinary like myself, as my future husband. This mutual passion has been a constant in our relationship and I must admit I feel a little trashy.

You see, the chef became a professional gourmet but I just remained obsessed.

One might use the term “foodie” to describe my pursuits. I now shake my head in disapproval, as I have always shied away from the term, “foodie”. Somehow I associate it with the whore at the rock show who rolls up on the band just hopping to get a piece. A groupie, who can't play an instrument but loves to going to the show.

Food might as well be the sexy lead singer and wine, the shirt less drummer because I throw myself at them each and every time I get the chance. No reserve, just smutty abandon. It is out of control. I want to know the details - the how, the who, the what and why. And like any good groupie, I don't stop until I get what I want.
Maybe one day I'll write about my lecherous escapades and late night romps with the dynamic duo. A seedy memoir of sorts. Until then I’ll simply continue to ponder my own perverse psychology, wondering why I can never say no and why I always want more….

-BK

Living in a Laboratory

2010-07-07T09:14:00.001-05:00

From my friend, BK:

The chef and I moved into Brooklyn for more space. We knew this would be an easy task considering our first apartment was no larger than a furniture display at IKEA. Before moving, I dreamed of small dinner parties at an actual kitchen table and room on the counter top for things like a coffee maker.

I know, I know it’s the little things that make me happy….

The chef, however, had different plans. Room for the chef meant he could start a new food inspired hobby. I now live in a beta test kitchen for the chef’s microbrewery. My quirky yet adorable apartment smells like an unclean sports bar after a Big Ten football game. I spend my mornings tiptoeing around copper coils, bags of grain and carboys.

This might not be a problem for most people, but I am not graceful. I am not the girl that glides beautifully across the room. I am a100 pound bull in a china shop, smacking into everything on the floor.

Typically, I am overwhelmed by the chef’s enthusiasm for his career and his activities. Most of the time, I am a pretty awesome wife. However, the laboratory he has created now dominates my once clean kitchen. I love beer as much as the chef does but It’s difficult to throw a dinner party when the IPA is fermenting on the table. The process ends up looking like a dirty snow globe….exactly. Try and picture that.

Is it too much to ask for certain chef hobbies to be left at work? Do most chefs test their skills in their personal space? I need to know if this behavior is normal because I am about a 12oz. bottle of beer away from losing. my. mind.

Fresh Look On Things

2010-07-05T10:31:00.000-05:00

As you know I'm in the process of giving CPR to my blog that is in need of some new life . I've teamed up with a fabulous chef wife who will be helping me keep it fresh and fabulous here. Before you read some great posts by my co-host, here is her introduction. Like I did in the infancy of this blog- she'll remain anonymous- you know how those chefs can be about their name being out there.

Meet my new pal:

I have been an avid reader of Desperate Chef Wives for some time now. I discovered Hilary and her blog shortly after she began writing. At the time, I had just moved across country with my husband in order for him to begin his professional career as a chef. Needless to say there were moments of loneliness. However, when I began to read Hilary's posts, that feeling dissipated.
Two years later and another move back across the country, I have learned an exceptional amount about the industry - for all it's faults and wonder. Now, Hilary is gracious enough to give me the opportunity to provide comfort, humor and fortitude in the same manner she provided me.
But who am I? Well first and foremost, I'm terrible at introductions. So rather than attempt to complete a clever and well-written description, I thought it would be best to unload a list of labels that give you a brief glimpse into my crazy little world....

Designer. City Dweller. Cocktail lover. Useless furniture collector. Lousy dinner cook. Wanna-be baker. Makeup obsessed. Beer advocator. Morning hater. High heel accumulator. Flea market shopper. Workout dodger. Roof top gardener. Wisecracker. Poor spelling skilled. Food captivated. Chef wife.

Again, I'm thrilled for the chance Hilary is giving all of us to connect and support one another. It takes a unique individual to live a life less ordinary and us wives, girlfriends and partners in this industry have quite a perspective. It's exciting to have a place to share the stories and anecdotes of our everyday experiences....all thanks to the first Desperate Chef Wife and happy new mother.....

It's Written On Her Face

2010-07-02T19:44:00.000-05:00

Albrecht Durer painted "A Chef and his Wife". I absolutely LOVE the look on her face. What do you think? There has got to be a great story behind their relationship. She's thinking, "Why is there a live bird in my house? I clean and clean all day just for my chef to come home and make a mess in the kitchen. And look at his shirt! He's bursting at the seams, he hasn't shaved in days, well- he's making me a delicious meal and making enough money for me to buy this amazing head dress for my bad hair days...oh, I do love him so...

Food is Love,
Hilary

And the Winner Is/My Blog is Dead

2010-06-21T14:04:00.002-05:00

The book contest winner, by random selection is DCW_Jess! Congrats Jess, email me your address so I can forward it to the publisher. Jess won a new hardback book by Jane Green-Promises to Keep.

In other-yet related-news this blog is totally dead! This contest only had 2 applicants! TWO! I know I have not been keeping up with it. I am completely brain dead when it comes to new topics. I want to write because this blog has given me so much as far as friends and personal relief- but for the life of me, I just can't come up with new material. And I suppose in a way I should be grateful because my life seems, well, balanced now. I have less of a NEED to write to cure my own insanities. My husband is still working crazy hours, especially now with the opening of a new restaurant in lower Manhattan. He still travels at length, his next trip will be Chicago for 4 weeks in September. Even though my chefwife life is still the same, I'm more content with it. More able to attach the challenges as they come and accept the difficulties that come with the territory. I love my life, like I always have, but now it's more peaceful.

I'm not sure of the future of this blog...we'll see.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Book Giveaway!

2010-06-15T10:11:00.000-05:00

The good people at Viking have a copy of Promises to Keep by Jane Green ready to send out to a lucky Desperate ChefsWives reader. I've already started this novel about love and friendship and can't wait to finish it- in between midnight feeding and diaper changes. Of course the female chef character is one of my favorites a fresh change from the saturation of male chef characters in books and television.

Jane Green has written 12 other novels, several of which made the New York Times bestseller lists. She'll be on tour this summer as well.

New York, NY- Upper East Side Barnes and Nobles: Tuesday, June 22- 7 PM

Charlotte, NC- Sykes Learning Center at Queens University: Thursday, June 24-6:30 PM

Pawleys Island, SC- Litchfield Books' Movable Feast- Friday, July 2-12 PM

From Jane Green's website:

Callie Perry has a pretty perfect life. It may not be everyone’s idea of happiness – her husband spends more time travelling for his job as a commercials director than he does at home – but it works for her. It gives her time to work – she is a successful family photographer – and be around for her two kids, and her friends. She lives in Bedford, New York, is beloved by all who know her, and wakes up every morning grateful for how happy she is.

Her younger sister, Steffi, the baby of the family, has never grown up. In her early thirties and the epitome of a free spirit, she’s never held down a job, or a boyfriend, for longer than six months. Her latest incarnation is as a vegan chef. She’s living with the latest unsuitable man, in a sixth floor walk up in Soho, and her parents have almost given up hope that she’ll ever learn what it is to be responsible.

Lila Grossman is Callie’s best friend. Single, she’s finally met the man of her dreams. Ed has a son she adores, a crazy ex-wife she doesn’t, and she finally feels ready to settle down. If, that is, their goals are the same.

And then there are Callie and Steff’s parents. Walter and Honor . Divorced for almost thirty years, they haven’t spoken for most of that time. They may share two grown-up daughters, but it is agreed by all who knew them, they share little else.

Until they all receive a shocking phone call that changes their lives forever, and brings them all together one short, snowy winter.

Promises to Keep is about the hard choices we sometimes have to make; about having to be a child, long after you’ve grown up, and mostly, about the enduring nature of love.

Want a hardback copy of your very own? Just leave a comment sharing what you look for in a friend. Common interests? Companionship? A pal to laugh with? A serious soul sister? I'll chose a winner randomly on Sunday, June 20 so submit before then! Good Luck!!

Food is Love,

Hilary

Eat Chicago

2010-04-12T17:15:00.003-05:00

Chefwife, Sondra, from Minneapolis, wants to plan a surprise trip to Chicago for her husband. What a great idea by the way! Her dilemma is that she has no idea where to take him to eat. And I have to admit, I have no clue either. She's seeking our help here. Does anyone know of some great places to eat in the windy city? Or even better, do your husband or boyfriends know of any great places to eat? Sondra is a bright lady and knows that chefs are not easy to please and won't be satisfied with the local Olive Garden or Red Lobster. She is interested in really impressing her man with some respectable and delicious food.

Erik recently bought a cookbook from a place called Alinea in Chicago. They've got fantastic reviews and I know a group of chefs who flew to Chicago just to eat there. That's a start-but it's all I've got-until I talk to Erik.

So let's get our ideas flowing and help out Sondra.

Thanks ladies.

Food is love,

Hilary

Maverik Hudson Battes

2010-03-29T14:05:00.004-05:00

What a week! Last Friday Erik and I went to the hospital and had a beautiful, healthy baby boy! Maverik was born 6 pounds, 15 ounces, and 19 inches long. Everything went very well up until the point that Maverik was delivered. He came out great, but about 20 minutes passed before the placenta was delivered. As it turns out, I had an inverted uterus attached to the placenta and had to be rushed to the OR. I lost so much blood that I also had a blood transfusion. Needless to say, it was a crazy and terrifying night. Erik was a wreck while I was in the OR because he didn't know what was going on. My doctor was amazing-she is retiring this week and in all her career had never experienced this problem. But she studied in school and remembered what to do. If she had not acted as fast as she did I don't think I'd be typing this right now. A couple days later, I had to go back to the ER for some fluids due to complications with the transfusion. Then a day after that Maverik was taken to the NICU in an ambulance where were stayed for about 36 hours. The first week of Maverik's life we were at a doctor or hospital every day.

All of this still has not hit me. I'm trying to write about it in hopes that I might be able to get in touch with the trauma I experienced. We are home now and Erik is back to work.

I never appreciated life, family, or prayer as much as I do now.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Chef Advice

2010-03-15T10:44:00.002-05:00

My younger sister is 15, and with the big wide world in front of her and she's trying to make sense of things and chose a career path. She's a competitive gymnast and cheerleader with great grades. But what does she want to do? COOK. She has a opportunity to spend the last two years of high school going to her regular high school in the morning then heading over to "cooking school" where she would simultaneously earn high school and college credits. The program is wonderful; my other sister when through a similar program- only she went to "zoo school" at the Columbus Zoo. I think it's a great idea, but my chef husband, on the other hand, is going to try his best to stop her.

Does it seem a little odd that my husband discourages people from going into the same industry that puts food on our table? It has nothing to do with my sister either; he tells everyone to avoid professionally cooking. His argument is that the industry isn't what most people think it is. I agree. My sister watches cake decorating shows and enjoys cooking very much-but does she really know what cooking in a restaurant entails? She wants to open a cake bakery: "Coco's Cakes". Does she know the road to get there can be scary and painful? Can she handle day work weeks including holidays and late nights? Then again, how can she know unless she tries?

But who knows, maybe she is tough enough. Is it Erik's job to simply present the facts of the industry or should he throw in his two cents and influence my sister? After all, she's only 15 so I think that she should go into the cooking school program , and in the end if she decides its not for her then she will have at least learned some useful skills.

Do your husbands and boyfriends encourage or discourage youngsters from entering the world of all things food.

Food is Love,

Hilary

(Un)Necessary Kitchen Product?

2010-03-14T14:47:00.000-05:00

I saw a kooky kitchen gadgets on Jay Leno the other night. What do you think about them?

This odd looking alien thing is an auto stirrer for sauces. The Autonomous Saucier keeps the liquid moving in the pan while you occupy yourself with other cooking tasks. No more burned sauces. The product hails from recent Olympic break up-Canada and costs $40. Three silicone rubber feet turn around and keep the sauce moving.

Would you buy it? I might, as a gag gift.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Sugary Drink Tax?

2010-03-12T13:34:00.005-05:00

NY Governor Paterson and NYC Mayor Bloomberg are supporting a tax on soda and other sugary drinks. The proposal is support by major groups and unions and also being fought by many others.

Let's start with the facts:

How much will the tax be? a penny-per-ounce excise tax

-12 cents per can
-$1.44 per 12 pack

Which products will be taxed? non-diet sodas and other drinks containing large amounts of added sugar,

What's the point? an economic incentive for children, adolescents and adults to reduce consumption of sugared beverages and choose healthier, lower-calorie alternatives such as water, low-fat milk, and diet soda

What's the OTHER point? $450 million in revenue from the tax this year ($1 billion over a full fiscal year) will be dedicated to preventing deeper cuts to health care programs at a time when the state must close an $8.2 billion deficit.

I got all of this info from the NY State website. Support of the proposal also comes from The Alliance for a Healthier NY.

New Yorkers Against Unfair Taxes has put together a petition with over 13,500 signatures to date.

Why they're upset:
-this tax hurts the people who can least afford it-the middle and lower classes
- 6,000 union jobs in the beverage industry will be lost
(taken from their website)

How do I feel about the tax? Well-to be honest I'm not sure. I don't drink sugar soda, but I do buy juices and really it doesn't matter about me because it's not a tax on Hilary's grocery bill only. As a citizen I have the option to make a choice about things that affect all the citizens around me.

It doesn't impress me that supporting the proposal are major groups and unions. As a member of the teacher's union I've been clumped into a group that supports certain politicians and proposals that I never supported as an individual.

I am a huge believer that childhood obesity is a major problem in the US and we are only doing about 5% of what should actually be done. Will a tax on sugary drinks stop people from buying them? Some yes, but enough to make a difference? I doubt it. I see the way that parents of my students and the students spend their money in the inner city here in New Jersey. Will a 12 cent increase on soda or those gross sugar chubs stop teenagers at the corner store and sway them toward a bottle of water? Not in my experience.

Think about adults. When we go out to dinner, the cheapest beverage to order is a glass of tap water. That certainly doesn't stop us from ordering a soda (diet or not) that's been marked up way too much or worse than that a &15 glass of wine that the restaurant spend for two bottles of the same drink.

Is it the government's job to stop obesity in this way? Should they be dictating what we buy based on taxes? I do think the government has a tremendous amount of power that potentially (key word) can be used to help us. Consider what happened after smoking was banned from most bars and restaurants around the country. To me, it's become more taboo and less cool for people to smoke. So how can we make poor eating habits less cool? If the government can do that-we might be set.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Baby Shower

2010-02-22T17:25:00.005-05:00

Although it may be taboo or poor etiquette or whatever-Erik and I threw our own baby shower this weekend. Erik was able to showcase his talents and made the most delicious food. One of the (often overlooked) benefits of being married to chef. He made 36 hour roasted pork shoulder sandwiches with pickled jalapenos, baked beans, 5 cheese macaroni and cheese, cob salad, jalapeno mashed potatoes, and an assortment of artisnal cheeses and fresh salsa.

We received so many fantastic gifts, I finally feel relieved about being prepared for Maverik to come. I mean I'm still scared of course-but I feel better now that my house is filled with all the necessities. I feel so loved!

Food is Love,

Hilary

Guest Blogger: Jill

2010-02-18T18:26:00.008-05:00

My story, complaints, fights, and concerns sound exactly like each and everyone of your stories. My story/relationship I thought ended with my chef two months ago.

I met my chef late night at a club in Atlantic City almost two years ago (no surprise there when else would I meet a chef). We had instant chemistry and became exclusive immediately. The first few months was a whirlwind of great restaurants, late nights and awesome food. When I first met my chef he had Sundays off and then that changed 2 months later where he worked the entire weekend. Reality started to set in when our only time together was spent on a Wednesday night, his hours were taking a toll on me and on the weekends I was left without a boyfriend.
The "talks" began a few months after we were dating...with me asking.."when are you going to have time for me? If we ever have a family when are you going to be around? How can you not have a
401k? Why do you work 60 hours a week for crappy pay?"

I love my chef very much and he had this great dream of opening his own restaurant. Every dollar he made he saved for this restaurant, which means he lived at home! He is 28 and I am 27 I own my home so you can understand the frustration of having a 28 year old bf who still lives with his parents so he can save money. And so in the back of my head I was always thinking..what about me? What about us and our future?
So my dreams of our life together had to involve his dream as well. I love my chef so much and I really thought he was the man for me, but what came with the package was this career, lifestyle and passion that
I didn’t understand. I tried to immerse myself into the culinary world. I found the chef wives blogs, watched the cooking shows etc. Every time that I would think of marrying him and starting a family I saw myself alone. This caused a lot of anxiety and fear. Then I realized I life like that will not make me happy and that I didn't want to marry a man who only has 1 day a week for me and 6 days with his job. The hardest part during my relationship was excepting that that is OK to feel that way. There is nothing wrong with me because I cant except a life like that. I tried to convince myself so many woman can HAPPILY be with their chef bf's or husbands why cant I. I just realized that I'm just not built that way, some people they can except it but I couldn’t. It was only thru talking to my friend when she said to me, "I couldn’t do it I couldn’t marry a man that works like that", for me to finally feel validated with my feelings.

So the best thing to do was come to terms with the fact that this is not the life for me. We were really starting to resent each other he wanted me to accept him for who he was and what he did (rightfully so) but I also wasn't happy. And the best thing we did for each other was give one another up. We mutually decided to break up in December…Now the key here is I never asked my chef to stop being a chef (I secretly hoped and prayed he would for my own selfish reasons) but when you truly love someone you want them to be happy. To be selfless is truly loving someone.

As of this writing it has been 2 months since our break up and more changes have taken place during this time then in the last year and a half I've known my chef. My chef soon after him and I broke up started calling me all the time and said he wanted me back. Then he said he was doing a lot of thinking about what he wanted out of life and said he just wants a wife and kids and that's what truly makes him happy. Then he told me he bought his own place. After a year and a half of b*tching to get him to move out he buys his own place within a matter of 2 months of us breaking up! AND THEN he called me said I have something to tell you...he said he was getting out of the restaurant business and is going back to school full time for. Nursing! I'm thinking WTF! Now these aren't things he's just "saying" he legitimately has bought his own place and he has enrolled in college. So where am I right now…dumbfounded. So I am taking it slow, he of course wants to get back together. To imagine a life with my chef in another career and for him to give up his dream of opening a new restaurant is hard to wrap my arms around. But he has convinced me that the restaurant industry doesn’t truly make him happy and doesn’t love him back the way I do. I'm excited for this new adventure to see where it takes us.

Lessons I've Learned Dating a Chef

1. Be honest with yourself with what you really want and what you can handle.
2. His career will NOT get easier it will only get tougher
3. Don’t ask if he's working on NYE or Valentines day the answer is always yes
4. Being alone will not kill you.
5. Wanting the same things in life is key to a successful relationship
6. Chefs are married to their careers
7. I learned I'm not ok with being with someone who is married to their career
8. I never want to be second to anyone's career nor do I deserve it.
9. Don’t ask someone to give up their happiness for you (i.e. their career and passion)
10. Don’t ever give up your own happiness for someone else.

Pizza Makes Me Smile

2010-02-13T15:48:00.004-05:00

For the second year in a row Motorino restaurant in NYC (Brooklyn & East Village) has donated to my school's annual auction. Although I've yet to meet Alyssa, the chef wife of chef owner Mathieu Palombino, she generously put together a basket of Italian goodies for me to pick up. This was the perfect opportunity to head over to Motorino to try their pizza which is getting some amazing reviews and awards. This includes Best New Artisan Pie (2009) Time Out New York and "Best Pizza Place on the East Coast" by Rachel Ray. Help me out Alyssa if you've any other trophies to share.

Well, not only was the pizza absolutely delish with the light and airy dough, but we couldn't stop eating. We came in for ONE PIE. We had the sopressata piccante but halfway through decided we just had to try the brussels sprout pie that everyone has been raving about. I'm so glad we went for the second pie! I was overstuffed in the end, but it was well worth the slight abdominal pain. Pizza makes me smile.

What really made me smile though was the note Alyssa left on her bag of auction goodies I was picking up.

"You don't want to be the guy keeping a pregnant woman from her pizza. TRUST ME." Beautifully worded my friend.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Worst Holiday Ever *UPDATED

2010-02-12T14:40:00.004-05:00

For anyone in a relationship with a chef or restaurant employee you know how nuts Valentine's Day can be. First of all, whether or not your significant other is scheduled to work-you know they are busting their tail making pre fixe dinners on the 14th. And if you happen to have the day off with your main squeeze, are you willing to go out and eat on such a busy night?

Oh course Erik is working on Valentine's Day and at first I thought I'd head over to BLT Fish and do the usual dinner for one at the bar then head home with Erik after he wraps things up. But as it turns out-I'm tired at 7 months pregnant! I'm not going out in the dead of winter to eat alone. So my second choice was to celebrate V Day on Monday since I assumed Erik would take Monday off. Well, I assumed wrong. Valentine's is erased this year.

What are your plans? Does your chef have the day off? Will you enjoy a romantic dinner for two? Massages? Chocolates? Roses? Or something unique and completely off the wall.

Food is Love,

Hilary

UPDATE**********

Last night around midnight when Erik came home he handed me a Valentine's Day card. I suppose it was the perfect time to exchange the cards since we weren't going to be together on Sunday. And really, my main disappointment was never about the holiday itself, but the fact that the last three weeks Erik has been either out of town or working like crazy. I was dreading another long lonely weekend. After I opened the card he handed me a bag of sour Skittles-man does this guy know me. I opened the bag to find a bright green note inside. I knew right away that it must be a Valentine's Day plot, but I couldn't figure out how he did it. The my great surprise the note said that not only did he have his normal Sunday off but that we would be eating at Jean-Georges's Nougatine. And the best part-he had known for DAYS that he had the day off. I can't believe he didn't spill the beans. I am blessed to be able to spend time with Erik. Perfect Valentine's Day gift.

HeART Contest from POM Wonderful

2010-02-10T19:14:00.003-05:00

My dear friends over at POM Wonderful are celebrating Valentine's Day and American Heart Month with a special art contest. The rules are simple:

1. Create an original, heart-themed work of art.
> Use any medium.
> Incorporate the POM Wonderful logo, including both the words “POM” and “Wonderful.”
> Use any type of POM packaging in your art piece (optional).

2. Take a high quality photo of your masterpiece 2Mg (maximum).
3. Register in the POM Community or log in if you have a profile.
4. Upload your photo using the form below. Include title and explanation of your work.

And the prizes are GREAT!!

Grand Prize: A POM Gift Basket including a Flip Video, a $100.00 American Express gift card, a $250.00 donation to The American Heart Association in your name and more.

Community Prize: A Wonderful POM Pack of POM Products including 100% POM Juice, POMx Coffee, POMx Bars and a POM Backpack.

Good Luck!!

Hilary

The Gift of Giving

2010-02-01T06:05:00.000-05:00

Come mid-March I'll be home awaiting the arrival of Baby Maverik. I'll be so sad not to be working, and if it were 100% up to me I'd work up until active labor kicks in. I'm going to work as hard as I'm able to so that I can stay connected to school for a smoother return come September. I'd like to help out with the annual spring auction fundraiser by reaching out to my chefwife friends for support.

Does your husband have a cookbook to donate? A restaurant gift certificate? A new set of cooking tools? Items are donated to my charter school (which receives less than 65% of the budget of the public schools) and then bid on by parents and staff. This event is our most beneficial fundraiser. If you're able to make a donation (monetary or otherwise) I'd be happy to pass along our tax ID number so that you can receive just one of benefits of giving to others.

If you know someone or an organization that is willing to make a donation to my school, please pass along my email to them. Thank you in advance.

desperatechefswives@gmail.com

Food is Love,
Hilary

Calling All Wives!

2010-01-30T16:06:00.002-05:00

Lauren, a writer I recently met, is writing an article and would like some input from wives/girlfriends of chefs and other restaurant people. See her note below.

Four years ago, my father's close friend, a chef, committed suicide by driving his car down the wrong side of the interstate and crashing into an 18-wheeler. He died almost instantly. His two small children in the back seat of the car were not hurt. At the time, I wondered what could drive a person to do this and if it had anything to do with the ups and downs of his culinary career.

I am now writing an article about substance abuse and depression in the food service industry. I know it's prevalent - government studies have confirmed that - but I don't think the general public is really aware of these trends.

I am looking for chefs in the NYC area who have struggled with alcohol, depression and/or drug use on the job. I am looking for candid stories from people who don't mind talking on the record.

The article is being edited by an editor at New York Magazine, and will be pitched to another publication later this spring.

The best way to reach me is laurensausser@gmail.com

Thanks, Lauren

Here I Am!!

2010-01-22T17:50:00.003-05:00

I know it had been a terribly long time since I've wrote anything. I wish I could write here more.

My recovery from the accident has been progressing well. Over the Christmas break I went to my folks house in Columbus, Ohio and didn't really do much of anything. Well, I ate a lot and went shopping a few times, but overall I took it easy. Around New Year's Eve my knee finally stopped hurting me. I'm able to walk fine now, but I am suffering from some severe back pain. I'm sure it's a combination of my third trimester and the accident. I have less than 10 weeks until Maverik Hudson is born! I can't believe it!!

Erik chose the name and it grew on me quite quickly. We love the fact that it's unique and it means "independent thinker". Plus, you'll notice the spelling of ERIK in MAVERIK too. Erik thought of that too. I chose the middle name after the Hudson River. We lived along the Hudson since we moved to the east coast over five years ago. We've been driving up and down it, traveling by train underneath it, and laying in the grass along it- I just love that river.

Along to some restaurant info...

Citysearch.com is looking for people who love going out in the city and want the chance to win cool stuff just for writing Citysearch reviews of places they’re going to anyway. It isn't just a program for aspiring writers, either. Anyone is eligible and everyone who participates will rack up rewards (think free meals, free booze, free stuff, access to exclusive Citysearch events, etc). Some contributors will also have the chance to join their editorial team eventually as professional, paid freelance writers, with their articles featured on the homepage.

Anyway, if you are interested, you can sign up at: http://newyork.citysearch.com/members/start . Just let
Keith Wagstaff know when you’ve reviewed anything and he’ll mark it down so you can get free stuff.

Keith Wagstaff

City Editor
P: (212) 373-7761 F: (212) 586-2098
keith.wagstaff@citysearch.com

Food is Love,

Hilary

Guest Blogger: John

2010-01-06T18:09:00.000-05:00

Dear Chef Wives,

I'm not sure if anyone has done this yet, but if not then id love to be the first. Id like to give you a look inside the mind of a chef in a relationship. A little back story, I'm a 18 year old cook who has been in the industry sense I was 13. In the past two years I have been working more and more in my current restaurant where I am now a sous chef. As I have moved up through the ranks my hours have increased putting a serious strain on my relationship. When I was fifteen I met my ex-girlfriend Lyndsay, who I dated for two years and nine months, in the end she cheated on me, and when I asked why she would do this to someone she loved I realized the nature of the beast, "I wasn't getting the attention I deserved, your always to busy with your job.". I was left heart broken, and confused. Following this relationship I focused on my work, until I met my girlfriend Christine who had been a friend for many years. We started dating and were both very busy with our job, she works in retail so she works nights as well, but then things began to fall apart, I would come home after 10 hour work days and 5 hours of school, to not being able to see her because she was out with friends, slowly this began to come to a end and then we split up.

Currently Christine and I are beginning to get back together, but here is what I don't understand and maybe you woman may help me find a answer, why do friends come before your significant other? I mean I understand you have to hangout with friends, there important to, but shouldn't I get some attention, is it really enough to see her every other couple of days for a hour or so? For example: today I went to her house because she wanted to "see me", I was very excited as I have this week off from work while the restaurant is closed, she was off tonight as well, I walked in, got a kiss, and then heard "alright ill call you later, I gotta go get ready, i a\m going out with the girls tonight". Don't get me wrong I truly love Christine, I always have and so has she but I just don't know how to fix this issue.

But here is my point I really want to point out is us chefs really do try, we really do love you, and we really do think about you while were on the line. All of the cooks I work with are married and we do have a serious commitment to our relationships. I really hope no one out there thinks we don't care just because were busy, we really do wanna be with you. When I met Christine I made the point that I do work a lot and have a serious commitment to my job and food and she does understand and I'm very blessed. I understand how hard it is to be in a relationship with a chef, we tend to be a bit grouchy and I truly respect all of you out there willing to try a relationship with us. Just please understand we want to be next to you ever second just like you want to.

Regards,

John

Guest Blogger: So You Wanna Date a Chef? Good Luck!

2009-12-30T14:39:00.001-05:00

When I first met Brian and he said he was a Chef, I nodded. Smiled even. When he said he was a chef at one of the best restaurants in Chicago,--my eyes lit up! I assumed, like most girls, that this meant a whirlwind romance of fancy dinners prepared for me daily, lots of time to spend together, and of course,--being able to get into places I normally can’t snag myself. Well. One out of 3 ain't bad.

It was hard at first. To see the burns and the cuts from that darn mandolin. And the calluses on his right hand that will never go away. It’s great to be with someone who is so passionate about their work. But it’s also not great to be with someone who is so passionate about their work.

Time. Meet your new enemy!! Time is now my new fear. It used to be sharks but I am now more afraid of time than anything in this world. Because time feels to never be on your side. And you will know what I mean if you decide to date a chef. My best advice is that you just relax when you do see him. Don’t make big plans or god forbid reservations at a restaurant. I made that mistake in the beginning of our relationship. Thinking that this was like all the other 9-5 er dudes I have dated. They simply don’t have TIME.

In the morning when he has to go to work, I feel as if there’s a referee standing there with a stop watch time ticking away. “It’s 11:40 am,!!! “Babe, I gotta go to work” is the line you get used to hearing.
We went to eat at NoMi at the Hyatt downtown, and the server asked if I too work in the industry. “No I replied” and Brian told him that I travel for work a lot and am gone on my tour. (Very much like George Clooney’s character in the movie Up in The Air.) The waiter joked “Well it’s not like you get to see him anyhow.”

The sad thing? It’s actually 100% true.

I joke that I sometimes hate his work. I don’t but I sometimes hate that they get him 90% and I get him 10%. He argues that it’s more like 80 /20 but I disagree.

If you are going to date a chef, realize that you can never really be “normal”. You aren’t going to have those dates on a Saturday night of dinner and a movie. You aren’t ever going to spend New Year’s Eve together or maybe Christmas either. You are going to have to spend time alone some nights waiting for him to get out of work. Which is never soon enough. I fall asleep sometimes and he will call me and wake me up. And that’s fine. Get used to his crazy hours.

Sunday is going to be your new favorite day. Or Monday.

I suggest that you don’t just tolerate his work. Really understand his business. Learn to love it. Cause then it is something you both are passionate about. Right now I am reading Foie Gras Wars all about the ban here in Chicago and the origins of Foie Gras.

Sure, you’ll never know as much as he knows,--he went to culinary school to learn all those things!! To me MAC is always going to be makeup and computers not knives.

For all the women who DO NOT work in the service industry, it’s a lot harder for us than a women who works WITH their boyfriend. You go 12 hours without seeing him. Daily. So I do recommend that you get used to text messages, photos from your phone and of course maybe an email thrown here and there just telling him he’s awesome and you’re thinking about him.

Book I am also reading now that is a MUST READ: The Soul of A Chef by Michael Ruhlman. It’s a page turner for sure and you learn of my new idol, Brian Polcyn of Forest Grill, http://www.theforestgrill.com who has something many Chefs lack, balance between home and work, with a successful restaurant, wife and 5 kids.

Book NOT to read, Anthony Bourdaines’s Kitchen Confidential. I love Anthony Bourdaine but I won’t read it because I am scared to read what really goes on in those kitchens. Sure. The “industry” has a notorious reputation for all Chef’s being cheaters and sleazebag drunks who cheat on their wives and girlfriends. Yeah. Don’t want to read that.

But there are the few chefs who just want to be normal. Who want to be happy not just in their work but outside their work as well. They want it ALL!

They want an actual relationship. They want some kind of normalcy. Some do want to be married and some do want kids. (And that whole urban legend of Chef’s not being able to have kids due to the heat in the kitchen is totally untrue.)
I learned that me complaining about not being able to see him isn’t ever going to help anything. So I just accept it. It’s going to take time to really accept his schedule. I am still working on it. He feels guilty that he’s at work all the time, but I always tell him it’s OK!!!

These guys, these Chefs,---they have tons of stress mentally and physically. So just do your best to be there for him. When he’s had a rough day at work be the one who gives him a back rub or takes him out for a beer and a chat. Or maybe just put some lotion on those darn rough hands of his!

Marianna Harrison

I'm Fine, But Not Fine

2009-12-23T20:08:00.002-05:00

Nearly two weeks ago I experienced one of the scariest nights of my life. I was meeting three teacher friends in West New York and I was walking alone to a restaurant. I was crossing the parking lot when a cab made a left hand turn (running a stop sign) and hit me. The front of the cab struck my left hip and I fell on the ground. I'm not sure how I fell or even how I landed because it all happened so fast. The first person to see me was ...of course...the chef of the restaurant. He was outside on a break and he helped me to the curb, called 911, and stayed with me until my friends got there. What a great guy. A couple of ambulances came and since I was able to walk on my own I went to the hospital about a mile down the road with my friends. After four long hours in the ER, I finally heard the babies heartbeat and I was immediately able to relax.

The baby is fine. I had an ultrasound a few days later and the breathing and movement are all great. All in all, I suffered some bumps and bruises, but I'm still in a lot of pain. My knee is really messed up and it's been hard to walk ever since. Hopefully that will go away in another week or two. My back is aching all the time as well. Emotionally though, I'm a wreck. That night was so scary and Erik was all the way in Hawaii opening a new resto. He was able to fly home the next morning to took care of me. I'm so grateful for him being able to come home so quick.

My friends certainly go to to know me on a new level that night. Let me tell you-if you want to get to know someone better-spend the night in the ER. The urine samples, personal questions asked by doctors, and my big belly hooked up to heart monitor all let my friends in pretty close that night.

As far as the cab driver goes-the police filed a report and we've hired a lawyer. That won't be over for another year or so, but I'm glad someone else is handling all of the paperwork.

My goal now is to relax during my Christmas break, heal my leg, and enjoy the holidays.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Be My Guest!

2009-11-25T16:30:00.003-05:00

Come one come all, my blog is your blog. Thanks to a couple of ladies who've suggested I invite guest bloggers I'm happy to open my blog to you all. There are no particular themes-please write about whatever you'd like. Chefs, restaurants, recipes, children, dating, Thanksgiving, anything! Email me your stuff (photos welcome) and I'll post it here.

desperatechefswives@gmail.com

On a side note, Erik has Thanksgiving off! I am shocked to find out he doesn't have to work, which is great because on Friday morning he's leaving for Hawaii for three weeks. He'll be back on the 21st just two days before I leave for Ohio. ...like ships passing in the night...

I'm thankful for web cams, email, and cell phones. I'll miss my husband, but I'm happy he's spending some cold months in the eighty degree weather on a tropical island. After all, if he's going to be working 12+ hours a day 6 days a week, then the seventh day might as well be spend on the beach.

I hope everyone has a lovely Thanksgiving filled with food, family and friends.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Always A Reason Why

2009-11-21T07:19:00.005-05:00

I've written over 400 posts on this blog since it started about two and half years ago. I'm really proud of this blog too. But clearly, something is going on that's preventing me from writing as much as I used to. I hate it. The same ideas are not flowing through me anymore and I've really been asking myself, "well, why?". I used to fluff the question off assuming that I've simply run out of ideas. The more I think about it though I know that's only a half truth. My best guess is that I feel less connected to Erik's career.

It even feels hard to write that. But it's true. Erik worked for Jean-Georges since he started as a cook, still in culinary school. Jean-Georges was the front runner above all over fine dining chefs and restauratuers in my mind. I idolized him. And why not? I watched as my husband quickly fell in love with a career and lifestyle through the school of Jean-Georges. As Erik was training and learning I was reading the same blogs that all the industry people and foodies do-belonging to neither group. I was going along for the ride and loving every minute of it. I labeled myself first not as a friend, wife, or woman, but as a chef's wife.I even considered making the label permanent with a chefwife tattoo. I don't even like tattoos. When the Bragard uniform catalogue came in the mail I would quickly turn to the page of Jean-George and sigh in gratitude that he was taking care of us-mind it in a far distant way.

Things are different now. Not only does Erik work for a new company, in a new position but I've become less connected to what he's doing. I still turn through the Bragard catalogue to see Laurent Tourondel there, but it's not the same. I just don't ask about employee drama anymore, I've stopped reading the blogs altogether, and I see myself now as a unique person first, chefwife, friend and sister later. I do also have to say that when Erik joined BLT it was 24 hours before I knew I was pregnant so I'm sure that has something to do with it too.

I am still completely 100% supportive of my husband-just not wrapped up and overwhelmed in his work. Before he travels I get all of the hotel information for him such as: do they have a gym...laundry service...shuttle to the airport...shuttle to the restaurant...? Really though, that's also for me to have a little peace of mind. I eat at the BLT restaurants and ask lots of questions about this new restaurant group. I still stand tall when people ask, "What does your husband do?".

What does all of this mean for the Desperate Chefs' Wives? I am still completely committed to the connections I've made with other wives and girlfriends. I would love for the blog to last forever, but I am struggling to write since it's not on the forefront of my mind anymore. And now that I've been direct with you-what will you think of me?

Food is Love,
Hilary

Depression

2009-11-10T16:11:00.003-05:00

I had no idea how many wives and girlfriends were concerned about their chef's emotional well being. When I posted the last entry I expected advice to come flooding in from you all, but instead I learned that run down, worn out, depressed chefs are more common that I thought. After reading all of the comments it seems like most of these men are suffering from exhaustion. Keep in mind that I don't know any of these people, only what has been shared with us on this blog. But I do think that depression is a characteristic of over worked chefs that no one is interested in writing about. We've read all about chefs and how much they love to eat and drink after hours. They've been called womanizers and drug addicts and their lives have been glamorized as such. But behind the closed doors of our homes, these chefs are struggling to become something great and make a living to support themselves and loved ones all while cooking, prepping, hiring, firing, ordering and receiving.

My advice? Well, I'm not an expert but I do have a perspective that I think might help some. I think there are some questions that need to be asked. For instance, is there a purpose to all of the work? Line cooks and even sous chefs will work very hard, but if the goal is to become an executive chef and work up through the ranks of a restaurant, then keep at it. There will come a time when the long nights get slightly shorter and the payoff will come. But if the goal is to cook and go home, then there is no reason to work in an environment that isn't conducive to a healthy emotional life. Also, who is training your chef? If these men are working under a 4 star executive chef with a lot of knowledge available, then keep at it. But working under a chef that isn't willing to train and guide isn't worth any sort of heartache or pain.

Talk to your chefs. Tell them how worried and scared you are that they are too overworked to enjoy life. I know my concerns often come out as nagging, so I have to work very hard to make sure that I express myself in a loving way-not an angry way. And let me tell you-I'm still working on it.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Wanted: Some Serious Advice

2009-11-05T18:24:00.003-05:00

Okay ladies, we have a fellow chef wife in need of our advice and support. She left a comment that leaves me concerned. I know the best hearts and minds in the world have crossed this blog, so I know we can help this woman in need.

Hello Hilary and all,

I'm so desperate for help, and I know this is totally off topic from sushi. But like I said, I'm desperate for help.

I believe my partner is suffering from depression and/or exhaustion from his job. He is the head chef in a new restaurant that is less than a year old. He is working close to 20 hours a day, 5 days a week.

He said he has seen a doctor, but he is still reluctant to tell me what happened. Until he is ready to tell me, I have no idea what to do.

Can anyone please, please give me some advice. What do I say? What do I do? Who do I talk to?

Food is Love,
Hilary

Sushi Etiquette

2009-11-04T16:39:00.003-05:00

I've been to several sushi restaurants ranging from buffet style to 3 star Manhattan fine dining to grocery store selections complete with plastic green grass. As one of the most popular Japanese foods here in the states, it's surprising that most people, including myself, have no idea the proper way to eat the fish filled rolls. For instance, I always dipped my sushi rice side down in the soy sauce, but I guess I've been doing it wrong all of these years. Oh! And don't even think about leaving your chopsticks in your rice bowl. Check out this website to find out why and read a complete How To on Sushi Eating.

Thanks to Jerry for bringing this link to my attention.

For a listing of Sushi restaurants in Canada please click here.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Pasta Marathon

2009-10-29T16:20:00.003-05:00

Not, not a sprint towards the nearest Olive Garden -it's the NYC Marathon-powered by Barilla pasta. I always heard that carbs were good before a long workout-and there's no workout like a 26.2 mile run through New York City. Barilla pasta has provided a pasta dinner for 15,000 runners for the past 5 years. You know Barilla, they are the pasta company with those absolutely romantic commercials set in well decorated apartments and villas. On Saturday night 7,000 pounds of pasta will be cooked up and served at Tavern on the Green in Central Park. Lorenzo Boni, executive chef of Barilla Pasta will be heading the event preparing Barilla Tri Color Rotini Pasta, Barilla Cellentani with Artichokes,and Baked Barilla Piccolini® Mini Ziti with Roasted Vegetables and Ricotta Cheese. Lorenzo is a true Italian too, raised in Bologna, Italy and trained all over the country.

The dinner will begin at 4:30 PM on Saturday, October 31 and tickets are on sale for runners as well as the general public for $25. They can be purchased starting today at the Jacob Javits Convention Center. So if you're not into dressing up like Jon and Kate Gosselin or dancing to the Monster Mash this year, head on over to Tavern on the Green for some delicious pasta dishes.

Good luck to all the runners!

Food is Love,
Hilary

Great Gathering of Chefs, Battman!

2009-10-18T17:54:00.006-05:00

Alan Batt, aka Battman released his latest two books today at the Mandarin Oriental hotel in NYC. The Great Gathering of Chefs was just that having chefs from all over sign 100 copies of the books Small Things Savory and Small Things Sweet. They feature stunning photography and recipes from some of the greatest chefs and restaurants in the city. Such notables included Greg Brainin from Jean-Georges, Craig Koketsu from Park Avenue Winter, George Mendes from Aldea, and my husband, Erik representing Perry Street.

The event raised money for Action Against Hunger, an agency designed specifically to battle global hunger. Al Gore is working with the organization to create another documentary, No Hunger. Visit AskAlGore.org for more information. Since Erik is working for BLT currently, but signed books next to his Perry St photo, he was lucky enough to sit with his BLT coworkers. There was even an seat empty next to Erik so I helped pass the books along the signing assembly line. That is of course after I got a taste of a duck hot dog from the d'artagnan station. I'm in love with duck hot dogs now. MMMFood is Love,

Hilary

POM Wonderful, with Caffeine!

2009-10-10T16:15:00.000-05:00

I was sent a couple more packages from the folks at POM Wonderful. The first one was a new iced coffee drink. No, no, no, it doesn't taste like pomegranate. But like their line of pomegranate juices, it has tons of antioxidants,not to mention hormone free milk, organic sugar cane, and no preservatives. Since I'm preggers I can't really drink the stuff but Erik was more than willing to test out the new drinks. Those adorable bulbous containers really pack a punch. Erik was caffeinated after finishing and also like drinking it. I took a little taste too of the chocolate flavor and it didn't taste like it was mixed with a "chocolate" concoction, but real milk chocolate. Tasty.

The second package POM sent was two new juice flavors. It was the regular pomegranate juice with nectarine and kiwi flavors added. I definitely liked drinking them, again in those adorable bulbous containers. But I think I like the original pomegranate better. However, if the pure pomegranate juice is a bit too strong for you, then the kiwi or nectarine is perfect. It doesn't taste watered down, just less strong.

No matter what they put out, I just love the POM line of drinks.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Check out their website at Healthybuzz.com or pomwonderful.com

The Chef is Back

2009-10-09T15:51:00.003-05:00

Finally!! Erik came home last Sunday and I've been just elated ever since. We went to dinner at Locanda Verde and it was amazing. There is nothing like my Sunday dinners with Erik. The first thing he said when I picked him up at the airport..."you're huge!" Some people thought that was insulting, but I couldn't be more pleased with the compliment. I'm 16 weeks and I felt the baby moving last night! Erik was excited too, but he was also half asleep. Hopefully baby Battes will do an encore performance soon.

While Erik was away it seems he really got into the groove of his new job. I get the impression that he has more value there as an employee than before. And his new company has a PR firm, Bullfrog and Baum (one of the best) that sets Erik up with all sorts of promo events. I don't know how other chefs feel about promotions. And actually I don't really know Erik feels since he hasn't done that many. On Monday, he'll be cooking with other restaurants at and Autism Speaks event in the financial district. On the 18th he'll be signing Battman's new book: Small Things Savory, at The Great Gathering of Chefs. He'll sign next to the mozzarella he made way back when at Perry St. That may be slightly weird since he's not representing Perry St anymore, but I think it will be fun and Battman even said I can come! I love these events. I hope to bump into my promo event buddy Wylie Dufresne; he is probably the nicest chef I've ever met. Oh, and Erik is taking a class from the Gohan Society: Mastering Fish the Japanese Way.

There is so much going on but it all feels right. I'm so glad to have my chef back.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Guest Blogger

2009-10-02T18:14:00.002-05:00

I was honored to be asked by ChefWidow to guest blog on her site while she was at Disney with her family. I wrote about the fears I have of becoming a mother and all that comes with it. Check it out.

An except:

"Maybe I’m just a 26-year-old, scared-as-hell, soon-to-be mom with an individuality complex? Perhaps it’s selfishness. I do expect to be giving up my weekly dinner dates in New York with my husband-but only if I can trade them in for Sunday family meals. "

Also, check out the other guest bloggers who rocked the blog this week.

Food is Love,

Hilary

This Wife Can Cook

2009-09-30T18:09:00.003-05:00

With Erik gone in Charlotte, I've been left to my own devices. I'm totally capable of cleaning, paying bills, feeding cats, and maintaining hygiene. But at the beginning of the month I was nervous for my own health that I'd end up polishing off a box of corn dogs or buried under salt and vinegar chips. As it turns out, I'm not half bad at cooking. I never gave myself a chance to cook because Erik always made a large meal or two at the beginning of the week. Not only that, but I grew up on mid-western semi-poor people food and I'm not above eating vegetables from a can or making mashed potatoes from a box. Erik on the other hand, doesn't really like having that stuff around. Well Erik ain't here now.

I'm no "king of the kitchen" but I can certainly hold my own enough to keep me fed and satisfied. Erik comes home Sunday and I'm curious to see how the chef reacts to another cook in his kitchen. I won't be taking over or anything but there will be a few new rules around here.

1. Vegetables-fresh or canned- will be served with every meal.

2. More chicken, less ground beef.

This shouldn't be too much of a change so I think the chef will be able to deal.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Blog, Already!

2009-09-26T13:56:00.003-05:00

I'm an awful blogger! I haven't been keeping up with the Desperate Chefs' Wives, but it certainly isn't because I don't love all of you! I wish I had more energy to write more often and bigger brain for brilliant writing ideas. Overall, things are going well sans the chef husband. He comes back in 7 days and let me tell you that can't come soon enough. The autumn leaves are turning, the air is crisp and I can't stand my favorite season without my chef. We were married in the fall, October 25, and way back fall of freshman year high school we started dating. We were planning on going to Per Se for our 4 year wedding anniversary but in the end we decided not to. As much as I want to try Chef Keller's food, there is no way I'm paying $275 per person for them to modify the menu for pregnant me. If I go to Per Se I want the full Per Se experience, raw fish, rare meat and all. So we are still up in the air about the big anniversary dinner. So that's the skinny on things-which I'm totally not anymore. (yay!)

Food is Love,

Hilary

Kanye, No Way

2009-09-18T17:41:00.003-05:00

Occasionally various writers from TMZ send me stories related to food, chefs and celebrities. I've never posted anything because the stories are usually petty and just don't fit the mood and style of this blog. But I got something interesting in my inbox today and I thought I'd pass it along.

Kanye -- The Unkindest Cut of All

Wolfgang Puck has a P.R. problem -- one Kanye West ... and he's screwing with the menu.

CUT -- Wolfgang's Bev Hills restaurant -- has menus with pics of various celebs on the cover, including Kanye West, President Barack Obama, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Angelina Jolie.

Last night, several tables got dealt Kanye menus and complained to the server, who obliged by trading up.

We spoke with the manager of CUT, who confessed people were handing back Kanye menus even before his hateful VMA stunt last Sunday. We think you know his record.

But truth be told, the manager says people have also turned back menus featuring Obama and Arnold.

The restaurant will boldly continue to deal in Kanye.

I had a couple reactions to this news.
#1- Way to go to all those diners who thought they deserved a less offensive menu. I would certainly chose an Obama or Arnold trading card-I mean menu over Kanye. Even before he was a major jerk hole to my kid sisters' idol Taylor Swift, I don't think he belongs on a menu with the likes of Obama.

#2- Why does Wolfgang even have celebs on his menu?? What do celebrities have to do with food? Or politicians for that matter? I was raised in Los Angeles, California for 17 years before I moved to New York/New Jersey 5 year ago. Looking west to LA I'd say Wolfgang is sooo Hollywood. I don't see pop culture celebs and politicians lasting a NY minute on any menus around here.

Going along with the needless yet occasionally addicting non-information TMZ lends, I have a drop of juice on the Austrian chef. He was in the process of being approved by the Board of Trustees at the Bel-Air Country Club but he was DENIED because of his then wife and business partner, Barbara Lazaroff. The club didn't like her and didn't want her around. I don't know if he ever re-applied, we had left LA by then and I haven't been to the club since. And really, who cares anyway?

Food is Love,
Hilary

Oh, My Achin' Head!

2009-09-15T16:28:00.002-05:00

Since last Thursday I've had a dull, aching headache and I'm going a little bonkers from it. I have to say that on a pain scale it's only about a 4-6, depending. But, it just won't go away. Normally, I let the headache ride for about a day before taking any meds. Sometimes they go away on their own and I'd like to avoid pills as much as I can. I've taken two Tylenol since last Friday-and neither worked. I really don't want to take too many, considering the bump I'm growing is really a HUMAN inside of me. (Still freaking out about that.) I have tried the pressure point thing between my pointer and thumb-nothing. I have done some IMT on myself. IMT is Integrated Manual Therapy, a holistic approach to treating pain-among other things. If you place one hand on your back and one on the pain, then usually it goes away. The contact activates the kidneys to filter out the "bad stuff". That worked great-but only when I'm doing it. I can't exactly walk around looking like I'm mid-hokey pokey.

HELP!

Food is Love,
Hilary

Oh, and Erik has only been gone for 8 days and it feels like 8 weeks. Is it October 4th yet?

Pressure Cooker on TV!

2009-09-10T12:35:00.000-05:00

I've been spreading the news about the documentary movie Pressure Cooker and now you can all see it! I tried so many times to get to the theatre when it was playing in NYC, but I could never work out my schedule. Well, lucky for me and you the movie will be on BET this Saturday, September 12 at 6:30 PM. This is not a movie you want to miss so set the TIVO or DVR if you won't be in at that time. Since its debut in May, Rotten Tomatoes has rated this authentic documentary at 89%!

Jennifer Grausman, daughter of C-CAP founder Richard Grausman, is very excited to share her documentary Pressure Cooker. This touching film follows three seniors at Philadelphia’s Frankford High School, who find an unlikely champion in Culinary Arts teacher Wilma Stephenson. A legend in the school system, Mrs. Stephenson’s hilariously blunt boot-camp method is validated by years of scholarship success that’s taken countless students from the city’s working-class neighborhoods to the top culinary schools in the country. And under her fierce direction, the usual distractions of high school are swept aside as Erica, Dudley and Fatoumata prepare to achieve beyond what anyone else expects from them.

Again, the trailer for Pressure Cooker:

Facebook fanatic? Become a fan of Pressure Cooker.

It will be my first time seeing the movie on Saturday as well and I'd love to hear what you have to say about it so come back and comment.

Food is Love,
Hilary

26 Days and Counting

2009-09-08T17:30:00.003-05:00

Erik left this morning for Charlotte, NC for FOUR WEEKS! He's part of the opening team for a new restaurant there and he's gone until October 4. I'll be busy with doctor appointments, school stuff, a bridal shower, and visiting others. My brother goes to school in Boston now so he'll probably drive down one weekend. My step sister just moved to Reading, PA and that's only about an hour and a half away from here so I plan to visit and help her unpack.

Of course on top of all that, and more importantly too, I'm 11 weeks pregnant. I wish Erik were around, but I can survive these next four weeks without him. He just better plant himself in NYC in March so he doesn't miss the birth!

But no matter how busy I try to make myself, I'm still going to go crazy for Erik, especially on Sundays. I'm used to Saturdays and weekdays alone, but Sundays-they'll be rough. Traveling is a new aspect to Erik's job that we never had before. I'm wondering if there are others out there who have techniques or ideas to deal. I do have iChat on my mac to Erik and I can at least "see" each other that way.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Chef Cheaters

2009-08-31T07:21:00.001-05:00

An anonymous commenter suspects that her chef is cheating and asks that I post about the topic. I find myself reading fewer descriptions of chefs as alcoholics and cheaters, but I'm not convinced either way, that it's due to chefs turning straight edge or writers getting tired of the same sad chef description. New York Magazine wrote a piece on the Desperate Chefs' Wives blog saying:

"Chefs tend to be notoriously bad husbands and boyfriends, and the reason is obvious: They’re at work all night, they love to pop corks and hit the dummy
pipe, and there are always foxy waitresses, servers, and even diners eager for
the “fourth course.” But don’t despair if you’re stuck with one of these
scoundrels. There’s a blog for you."

I don't like to think of chefs as such "bad boys"-probably because that's not my thing. But I do know some of some chef drinkers, toquers and cheaters. However, that exists in any industry. For the most part though, the chefs I know aren't cheaters. But we can't deny that even well-known chefs have bad track records.

-UK celebrity chef John Burton Race walked out on his wife and 6 children for another women he now lives with, and has a child with.

-Gordon Ramsay has been accused of cheating on his wife, Tana-but as far as I know they are still together.

-And of course, the Top Chef Season 5 cheaters both Hosea and Leah has significant others back home and they cheated on national television-with each other.

So it is out there ladies but I wouldn't suggest avoiding chefs all together or dumping yours now out of fear. Bring your concerns here if you suspect an unfaithful chef. We can talk about it and find a solution. And given the circumstances of being married to a chef, who's to say wives are never tempted stray? But if you know for a fact that your man has cheated, my advice will always be the same: leave, now.

The New York Magazine article I mentioned earlier ended with this:

"Desperation aside, the author's own domestic situation seems rather stable,
which kind of detracts from the site's entertainment value, you know? What it
really needs is more sob stories! We want a blog that reads like a chef-y
telenova! But given what goes on in those naughty chef circles, it's only a
matter of time. We'll wait, breath baited."

HA. Well, keep holding your breath then because this chef and wife are better than ever. A four year wedding anniversary in October, a new job, and a baby due in March. Life is good.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Chef + Wife + BABY

2009-08-30T07:57:00.005-05:00

A while back, I would spend my time vacuuming and planning. I had a big production planned to tell Erik I was pregnant. This of course was a long time before I was ever even planning to have children. ...He would be working at Perry St, I would come in late, just before closing glowing with a content grin on my face. Someone would tell him to come upstairs because I woman was about to tell her husband she's pregnant. He'd come up and look for the woman, and then he'd see me and I'd nod my head and smile... If you're a fan of I Love Lucy like I am ( I own every episode) then you know this is very similar to the way she told Ricky she was pregnant.

Well, that fantasy is still just a fantasy. After realizing Erik did not want a production when he found out, I had to scratch everything. It was for the better anyways since I can never keep a secret from Erik. We were watching TV on a random Wednesday that he and I had off and Erik suggested I take the test. So a little while later I snuck away and took it. I know the box says to wait 2 minutes but that thing went positive in about 2 seconds. But I still waited 2 minutes. I told Erik to check the test in the bathroom and look for a plus sign.....I've never been as happy as that moment with Erik. He was in shock for 4 days until he got the handshake from my doctor. Moments later the whole Jean-Georges company knew, including my chef wife pal, J.

In the end, I'm glad I didn't take the test alone. The last 5 years it has been just Erik and I out here and we've had to do everything with just each other. And now, we'll be raising a baby on our own. It's not ideal, but it is just the way it is.

I'm ten weeks along, due March 30. I will be finding out the gender as soon as Erik gets back from is 4 week Charlotte opening. Except for some pregnancy acne(ugh!) everything is great so far!

Food is Love,

Hilary

SA-TUR-DAY, Hey!

2009-08-25T16:35:00.004-05:00

I've waited 7 years for Erik to have a normal weekend. Saturday and Sunday? I still can't believe it. We had our first full weekend a couple days ago. As much as I've wanted this, it will take a slight adjustment. I'm used to working on school stuff on Saturdays. I spend the better half of the morning grading papers and planning for the week ahead. That won't/can't change, I need that extra day to get those things done. But what will change is Saturday morning cleaning and laundry. I have a partner! I've cut my cleaning time in half by doing it with Erik. We swept, mopped, dusted, cleaned the litter, bathroom, and kitchen in less than and hour! One good thing about a little apartment, little cleaning.

I can't wait to go to weddings-unheard of before now. And Erik will be available for school events I'm hosting-my jobmates only know Erik from stories. I considered a moving our normal standing Sunday dinner date to Saturday, but I'm so used to Sundays that I'd like to keep it that way. Of course all these Saturday fantasies can only come true if my chef isn't traveling at the time.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Chef Mumbles

2009-08-21T05:57:00.003-05:00

We've been having a lot of trouble around here getting Erik to keep the CPAP breathing machine on at night. He takes it off without knowing it and seems delusional when I tell him to put it back on. Well this time his delusions turned into an audible chef mumble. Have a read:

Me: Put the mask back on.

Erik: Why? What is going on?

Me: Just put the mask back on so we can go back to sleep.

Erik: Sleep? We're sleeping?

Me: Yeaaaah....

Erik: So we're not making amuse bouche?

Hilary: [rolled over and gave up]

Food is Love
Hilary

Non-Flood, Non-Emergency

2009-08-19T18:54:00.004-05:00

This is just so silly I have to share.

I knew for a few days now that the condo building we live in would have the water shut off today from 10 AM until 3 PM. No big deal, Erik and I leave before then and come back much later. So you can imagine how shocked I was when I came home today around 6 to the sound of the water running in the kitchen. My fears seemed so real that I was about the burst into tears. It wasn't long ago that I left the bathroom fauceet running while I took a shower. )Sorry to the ones living in #1907.) I didn't even get the front door shut or the lights turned on as I did a tip-toe-run to the kitchen through 6 inches of imaginary water. Once I got the faucet off and the lights on I came to realize that the floor was bone dry. Thank goodness the sink was clear, except for a pan that was soaking over the edge of the sink. If the stopper had been in place, my house would have been ruined-not to mention all 19 floor beneath me. Well, maybe only the 19th and 18th floors would have been soaked.

...so someone left the faucet on...

But it doesn't end there, ladies. I turn around to make sure there was no water on the floor. After all that, the image of a soaked floor in my mind was hard to erase. What did I see before me? Light coming from the fridge. The door was open all day long! Not a crack either that happens when the freezer is too full and a slam of the fridge door will leave that little crack. I'm talking at least 4 inches wide open. So wide in fact that the light was on. Go to your fridge now and test it-see how far you have to open the door to get the light on. It's far! I guess a giant Sam's Club ketchup was bent to the side propping the door open. Most of the food actually survived, especially the things in the drawers and on the bottom shelf. But the giant 2 pound block of extra sharp Cheddar that I just bought yesterday-unopened, was all melted inside the package. It was directly under the light bulb and completely sweaty. Gross. I haven't really looked at the other food since I thought it best just to shut the door and keep it shut. This was after I had to make dinner by opening the door and getting everything out at once like a stealth fridge thief.

... so someone left the fridge open...

All in all, everything is fine now, but for those first moments when I got home I was freaking out. And although I do my best to avoid blame...I have to say on behalf of myself that I wasn't the last one to leave the house today. I'm just saying...

Food is Love,
Hilary

Goodbye Perry St

2009-08-15T08:35:00.010-05:00

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

Big changes around here. After working for Jean -Georges since his externship at the CIA, Erik is moving on to new challenges. And I have a feeling this is harder for me than it is for him. First of all, (agree or disagree) you all know how involved I am in my chef's career. I've met so many people in the past 7 years. Most of the cooks, chefs, GMs, and wives have come and gone as the industry tends to dictate, but I'll be continuing to connect with some dear friends long after my midnight visits to Perry St cease to occur. I'm not sure how how the new company will react to my blog so to keep on the safe side I'll keep some things on the qt for a while. What I can say is that I'm about to deal with something many of you know about: traveling. I knew this when Erik accepted his new job, and I'm going to do my best to get through it. Expect most posts to come in September when Erik will be gone for 4 weeks. Yep.

I'm thrilled for the new job and apprehensive at the same time, especially about the traveling. But I'll count on you ladies to help get me through that-should I need it. August brings two fresh starts: Erik's new job and a new school year.

January 2006, New Fulton Fish Market

Original Perry St crew from right to left:

Erik Battes, Justin Basdarich, Greg Brainin, Paul Eschbach, Greg Vernick, Jean-Georges

Believe it or not, three and half years later and all theses guys (now except Erik) still work somewhere within the JGV company. Despite what some may say, JG is a great man to work for. And who better to take over the chef de cuisine position at Perry St than Jean-Georges's own son, Cedric.

Adios Perry St.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Two of a Kind

2009-08-11T18:09:00.008-05:00

Not sure who caught Tony Bourdain last night on No Reservations. I usually really like the show but last night he showcased San Fransisco and it seemed as if he didn't really like it. I've only been once and I certainly wasn't a restaurant enthusiast back then, but I guess I thought Anthony would have highlighted more unique or interesting food. That's besides the point. I couldn't help but notice that one of Anthony's food friends, Oscar Villalon, looked like a bizarro east coast version of The Feedbag's own Josh Ozersky.

See for yourself.

Oscar photo from SF Gate.com

Ozersky photo from Serious Eats

Perhaps Josh Ozersky doubles as a San Fran writer and food enthusiast. Then again, who would lead a double life in the same profession? In my double life I'd do anything but work with kids...something interesting like a an antique collector or bonsai trimmer.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Chef Mumbles

2009-08-07T09:09:00.003-05:00

This one is particularly odd as my husband acknowledged he was talking in his sleep, yet continued to mumble about custard. I was laughing so hard the whole time, my stomach hurts. Have a read:

"I know this is going to be ridiculous.... The custards haven't set. We have to make a new batch."

"How do you make custard?"

"You need eggs."

"How many?"

"Read the recipe."

"I don't have a recipe, can't you just teach me?"

"I'm not here to teach you; make more custard." (He's tough!)

"Can't we just put the custard in the freezer to set?"

"That might work. This is ridiculous. I'm in the bed!"

Erik was recently fitted for a CPAP ("see-pap") machine to help him sleep at night since he has sleep apnea. However, he hasn't quite gotten used to the breathing machine and until he does these mumbles are going to continue.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Live-In Maid

2009-08-05T09:52:00.002-05:00

As far as chores and housework go around here, I pretty much do it all. I'm no superhero, after all we only live in a one bedroom. I made a decision a long time ago to do most of the work because even though I work full time, I certainly work less than Erik and have time to do it. After a while though I started getting resentful. I'm sure you're not surprised there. At some point Erik had to start taking some responsibility around the house at the very least to save me from killing him. I didn't need the help, but I needed the support. We have a partnership and I'm not going to be stuck doing the dirty just because I "only"work 45 hours a week. We working it out that he cleans the stove and bathroom, helps with the cat litter, irons his own shirts, and pays the rent and garage bills.

Things get a little sticky around summer time. Although I'm a teacher I work during the summer part time at the school doing administrative work. So with all the extra time I pick up more of Erik's work. I don't mind ironing or cleaning the bathroom; it keeps me busy. But somehow this whole summer Erik hasn't done a thing! How did that happen? How did I let that happen? So now I'm blowing up and pissed off not because I have to do more work, but because Erik doesn't seem to care about anything other than cooking or eating....would you guess he's an only child?

Food is Love, (and frustration)
Hilary

Best New Restaurants

2009-07-31T13:28:00.010-05:00

Tyler Kord, No. 7

Courtesy Bon Appetit via Grub St

Bon Appétit’s latest edition will boast the: " Top 10 Best New Restaurants in America” and not one but TWO of the restaurants are those that I love.

Number one: Ok, so I've never actually been to The Greenhouse Tavern in Cleveland, but I've been reading the chef's wife's blog, Chef Widow, for a couple years now. I was drawn to her because when I started reading her blog she was moving back to Ohio from NYC and I was desperate to do the same. She's super supportive of her chef and family and I love that. Head to her site for a great giveaway going on now.

Number two: Actually it's No. 7. Brooklyn's own Tyler Kord opened No. 7 last summer and it's been so great ever since. I met Tyler when he was cheffing with my husband at Perry St. He also has an amazing wife and an incredibly fat cat. When visiting No. 7 in Fort Greene, don't leave unless you've had the fried broccoli.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Dough Dreams

2009-07-31T07:40:00.008-05:00

Washington Square Park a couple weeks ago

My younger sister, bless her soul, wants to be a pastry chef. Her fourteen year old dreamer mind wants to own a cake shop when she's older. When Erik heard this I could see how uncomfortable he was. He wanted to tell her to do anything in the world but cook/bake. But he also didn't want to crush her dream. At around 8 0r 9 I remember my father saying I shouldn't be a news reporter because they lie. I almost died; during that summer all I wanted to do was report the news with my mic made from an apple on a Popsicle stick. I ended up teaching and I'm the happiest person in the world doing that.

For a soon to be sophomore I think she's a pretty good savory cook. She made me dinner not too long ago-garlic sauteed shrimp and rice and she explained the steps along the way too as if my parents kitchen was a studio. I have a feeling she's been strongly influenced (like many people) by the Food Network. Shows like Ace of Cakes make it seem like being a pastry chef is all about cleverly icing cakes in a funky office with all your pals. There really isn't a show on the Food Network or any network that shows how demanding cooking and baking really are. There are plenty of books (Kitchen Confidential, Spiced , The Sharper Your Knife the Less You Cry, etc. ) but the books are slightly less available and certainly less appealing to teenage girls.

I really don't know what to tell my sister. She's a great student, gymnast (I coached her her first few years), and cheerleader. And she's young enough that her mind might change three dozen times before settling down with a career. She might also end up with her own fake cake show selling the improbable dream to a new generation of wide-eyed teenagers. The career really makes no difference to me so long as she's treated right and happy about it.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Chef Mumbles

2009-07-29T08:00:00.000-05:00

Getting reading for work this morning I heard the chef muttering something in bed.

"How many wings are here?"

"Um....2?"

"No, there are way more than that, there are at least 5 birds cooking. Can't you smell it?"

Now, he's dreaming about chicken. Or come to think of it, that could be turkey or even squab. We'll never know.

Food is Love,
Hilary

A Hard Post to Write

2009-07-28T10:45:00.003-05:00

One of my fears on this blog has been that I come off too whiny and other women who have tougher situations will disrespect me. I always think about doctors' wives, firefighters' wives, police officers' wives, and military wives. I don't want others thinking I made a blog out of something useless or unnecessary. My fear became a reality when I got a comment by a women married to a man in the military. Some of you may have read her comment posted on "Search Party" but I'll include it here for reference.

I, on the other hand, found your blog by hitting "next blog" and stumpled on it...I was fasinated by the content and had no idea there was a need for this forum. I do feel for all of you. I'm sorry that your boyfriends/husbands work long hours and leave you home alone or just feeling alone. I'm sure the 14, 15, 16 hour days are long and when he comes home he's tired and maybe deep down because of this you're not being completely fulfilled in the relationship and that might make you doubt why you're in it. I get it. My husband doesn't have to be a chef for me to get it. I'm happy that you have eachother to listen and simply know that someone else is out there feeling the same lonely pain. It's not unlike the support groups I have for my life. We all marry or date these men who have their lives and passions and no one puts a gun to our head to make us stay...we stay because we love them and it becomes our lives too. We should embrace our lives. Move on with your own lives as much as you can. A good relationship is two lives not staring only at eachother, but standing next to eachother moving in the same direction.

With all due respect to fellow women, some of you sound a bit too wrapped up in the sadness of it and the drama instead of taking the hard times as they come and realizing how good you have it! You all are so lucky! You have these men who you love and who love you and they may work a long day but oh my good they come home and they are safe and happy doing what they love!! You are so lucky and I feel like you don't see it or really appreciate it as much as you should. I know it's hard to look for the good and the bright side, but you have to. You have to. Life gets harder...sometimes for you and sometimes for others. You're growing to grow older and have kids and the focus will shift from longing him to have an 8-10 hour day to real problems and I fear you're not being happy and grateful now, when you should be.

My support group I mentioned is for wives of military men...mostly men who have been hurt or killed in Iraq. My husband has been gone this tour for 2 years...I've seen him 3 times during that time. I go for days and days, a few times weeks with no email or word from him. I go to bed at night not knowing if he's safe...or when me and the kids will see him..or if we will see him. I helped choose this life and I know and pray someday it will change.

I'm in no way trying to "trump" your pain. I know its all how we're built and what we can handle. But try, for me, to keep things in perspective and be happy and grateful for what you do have.

The reality of it all is that there is a need for this blog, otherwise no one would read it. We have all found comfort in the stories shared by others. I've worked very hard to make this a playful blog as well. "Chef mumbles", stories of reality chef TV, silly anecdotes, and links to other food related articles make this blog fun, too. As you can see I'm feeling very defensive because I feel attacked by Rachel. I can't imagine what her life is like married to a man who is on tour in Iraq let alone in the military. But unlike Rachel, I never once made my case seem worse than anyone else's. In reference to her last paragraph, in my experience, when someone says "I'm not trying to..." it means they are very much trying to (in this case trump our pain). I married a chef, she married a military man. No one is better, nothing is harder, no one is greater. We are all given struggles in our lives to overcome. Some we can handle, some we can't. It is what it is. My life is wonderful and if readers don't see how happy I am, then I guess I'm not getting that part across.

Rachel, thank you for reading my blog and commenting. I hope your husband and his fellow troops come home quickly and safely to their families and I'm sorry if you feel like I'm not grateful for my life. It must be difficult reading a blog like this in your situation so it seems like you would be much happier not reading it, though I welcome you here anytime.

Food is Love,
Hilary

Matter of Knife and Death

2009-07-27T08:44:00.007-05:00

No tool is as useful and necessary to the chef as his knife. Before Erik was a chef I knew nothing about knives. And now, well, I still know next to nothing but I'm certainly more aware of the styles, purposes, and different types of steels used. I also know they cost a lot, but thank goodness for tax write-offs. And because of the durability of the knives, Erik doesn't need to buy a new one that often. I'd say he splurges on a new knife every 4 or 5 years, but when he does I hold my breath at the final cost. These knives are made of all kinds of crazy steel and then gone through some crazy process to make them hard as rocks so they don't come cheap. Last week Erik headed over to his favorite knife store: Korin. Chef or not, this store is worth a visit. They have the most beautiful and unique knives as well as tableware, cookbooks, and sushi bar items.

He came out with a 240 millimeter Suisin Damascus Ginsan-Ko Gyutou with and ebony and silver handle, engraved with his name, a sharpening stone, and these awesome Japanese scrubbers called Sandclean, for cleaning pots and pans. I tried them on the caked on grease on my stainless steal pots and they are spotless! And I didn't even use any cleaning products. It kind of looks like a crazy sea creature and it feels like sandpaper, but it works great!

I seemed to get sidetracked with the scrubbers, but the knives just don't excite me like they do for Erik.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Search Party

2009-07-26T15:18:00.004-05:00

My best friend (of the non-human form) is the Internet. I could spend all on day on a computer if I had the time. Amazon, Facebook, email, blogs, news, and all the other websites that are silly yet powerfully addicting. (cakewrecks, failblog,craigslist) Writing on this blog is therapeutic for me; I can't get enough of the Desperate Chefs' Wives. The more women who read, email, and comment give me good ideas and support. I don't know what I would have done without you ladies the last couple of weeks when Erik was working so much. But how were you all led to this unique site? I have a feeling it's mostly Google or some other search engine. I remember also searching "dating a chef" and coming up empty handed. But now the first website listed is this one and I'm so glad that others have found the blog when searching for help.

However you found me, I'm so glad you did because now we are all a little less alone.

Food is Love,

Hilary

BBQ Road Trippin'

2009-07-19T17:31:00.005-05:00

I came across a new blog today and I just have to share it with you since it involves a chef and his wife. Pete Daversa, the Pitmaster at one of my favorite go-to restaurants, Hill Country is going on a BBQ tour. Traveling with Pete is his wife, Kristin and dog, Marley. They're traveling to BBQ joints East of the Mississippi and writing about the sights, sounds, and food on the way.

I would love to go on a food tour with Erik, but I don't think I'd choose BBQ. I'd love to go on a burrito tour in the southwest. I'm all about cilantro, cheese, avocados, and sour cream covering a couple scoop-fulls of meat, wrapped in a soft flour tortilla.

BBQ Road Trippin'

Don't forget, there is still time to get a free Ben & Jerry's ice cream!! CLICK HERE

Food is Love,

Hilary

Would anyone else want to road trip it with their chef (should they have the time off)? And where would you go? What would you eat?