tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post8941424280512275635..comments2024-02-18T07:08:41.655-05:00Comments on Desperate Chefs' Wives: 6 Survival Tips for Dating a ChefHilary Batteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17379733128452993947noreply@blogger.comBlogger79125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-61944768743677262012022-07-08T14:57:14.470-05:002022-07-08T14:57:14.470-05:00Does it get better? That all depends! Dating and m...Does it get better? That all depends! Dating and marrying a chef or anyone who is dedicated to their job is a balancing act. I haven't updated this blog in YEARS, but I can proudly say I am still happily married to my husband. The sacrifices are real and you have to talk to your spouse all the time before resentment builds up. Hilary Batteshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17379733128452993947noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-17334224057949579682022-04-27T22:24:07.404-05:002022-04-27T22:24:07.404-05:00Ive been dating a chef at a demanding 3-Michelin s...Ive been dating a chef at a demanding 3-Michelin star restaurant for about three years now. We live together and have been talking about getting married soon, but it’s been increasingly getting difficult to manage our relationship with his working hours. I work at a “9to5” type job but my role is also very demanding, and I value my career as much as my s/o does. However, it always feel like I’m the one waiting around and sacrificing to spend some quality time together, if any. It only got worse after he’s been promoted to sous…does it get better? I want him to succeed and thrive in what he does, but will there ever be a happy medium to this dilemma without major sacrifice? I question if this is a sustained lifestyle for me, especially if we get married. I love him more than anything, but I feel like I’ve reached a tipping point…Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-44864369570828343942022-04-10T15:51:37.945-05:002022-04-10T15:51:37.945-05:00I've been with my girlfriend for 7 months now,...I've been with my girlfriend for 7 months now, and she recently started in culinary school. Although we're still young, I can definitely say that she is someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, but she is nervous she'll make me feel neglected with the industry she's going into. Any tips?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-57972856511518371192021-12-01T11:02:48.093-05:002021-12-01T11:02:48.093-05:00That was extremely helpful as I'm currently si...That was extremely helpful as I'm currently sitting on that fencePollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02422519260201241513noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-65298277557429905342019-11-04T15:09:56.415-05:002019-11-04T15:09:56.415-05:00I’ve been in a relationship with a chef on and off...I’ve been in a relationship with a chef on and off for 3 years. We started out with so much time together and clicked right away. I didn’t know the life of a chef until about 3 weeks in because he was in between restaurants when we started dating. So much passion and love came through so quick that when he started getting back into that chef life I was completely in love with him. When we get to one together- it’s truly something special and I always leave him with a smile that stays on my face all day. <br /><br />We had a bad break the first time I left him, and I ended up in Alanon meetings where I found out I needed to leave him then. I change for the better but I never stopped loving him. A year went by before I saw or heard from him again. I ran into him on Halloween night in Chicago - thinking he was still living in Costa Rica. He apologized for everything he put me through and told me where he’s been the past year and that he never stopped thinking about me. We had a few romantic monuments and then another 7 months went by before I saw him last month. Every time we are together it feels like a just saw him and my heart just belongs to him. He always ends up saying all of the right things I never expect him to say.<br /><br />So, now it’s been 3 weeks since I’ve seen or really heard much from him. But last night my friend and I run into him because we were going to a show at a venue attached to his restaurant. He didn’t seem very happy to see me. I feel like I should not contact for a while. <br /><br />-AnnaAnnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16014366098599592279noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-83020324741643366852019-07-24T07:57:47.407-05:002019-07-24T07:57:47.407-05:00Hi, great to read some chef partner and wife blogs...Hi, great to read some chef partner and wife blogs and comments. I am married to an amazing and gorgeous Chef of almlst 13 years and go through peaks and troughs of being okay with being passing ships, attending social events alone or with my daughter, managing work, being a mum and the bulk of household tasks, spending 4 nights alone. I'm currently in a trough and am thinking "is this really what I want?". I love my hubby to bits but I can soon forget that when we lack quality time together. Good to know others can feel the same way.<br /><br />KWigAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-15005078489677969832018-10-23T01:18:49.206-05:002018-10-23T01:18:49.206-05:00Hi there!
I have just come across this site and ...Hi there! <br /><br />I have just come across this site and I love it! Well done for setting this up! This is a great little outlet for people to come together and share their experiences when it comes to life and love with a chef! :)<br />I have recently started dating a chef/restaurant owner. I know right, pretty full on! Ha! But the funny thing is, it hasn't been that hard at all despite the "obstacles we have." We live 2 hours away from each other and I know what you’re thinking already, we are crazy! Haha! And on top of this, our days off don’t align at all! (surprise, surprise!) So for a start it is tricky, but we are keen to see where this goes and we really make the most of the time we do get to be together! My only complaint I have thus far is that I constantly miss him and he me but absence makes the heart grow fonder as they say. We met online and the connection was pretty much instantaneous. We work well together – We have great banter and communicate with each other which we continue (when we find little pockets of free time) throughout our days. There is lots of laughs between us, we have a very similar sense of humour, same values and the importance of family. Tick, tick, tick! Clearly I am already rather smitten with him! I fully respect his line of work and am in absolute owe of his work and the work ethic that comes along with that - And yet he still finds the time for me! He always asks me about my day and is there for me whenever I need him in any way he can. We have both been through some pretty horrible relationship breakups that have ended not of our own accord and so we both very much know what we want in life and value the importance of good people so much more and we really cherish and care for each other greatly. So why am I on here? I guess I am looking for any advice people out there can give to me/to us to make this work. I know eventually one of us is going to have to make the ultimate sacrifice and move for the other and I know already that will be me. I’m 100% aware of this. But in the interim, while we are still getting into our relationship and enjoying what we have just found together, how do all of you out there make #cheflife work? <br /><br />Many thanks!<br />R - Aussie girlAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-8617468491435900422018-07-26T17:55:25.794-05:002018-07-26T17:55:25.794-05:00Just as an aside, you may want to include boyfrien...Just as an aside, you may want to include boyfriends and husbands etc as well, speaking personally as a female chef, and working with many other passionate and dedicated and hard-working chefs who are female,spouses and s/os of both genders should be included. there are a whole variety of chefs also, and depending on work enviro. I work in a 500 room hotel with 7 outlets including a banquet kitchen. So there are more 'lull' periods than just 2-4pm. If you're involved with a chef (male or female obviously) you will find their own personal story is different than the next person's. My roommate is a baker on overnights and sleeps during the day so we rarely see each other. I am a banquet chef and I work breakfast and lunch functions. So no matter whether your other half is a morning chef or lunch or dinner or overnights, 'dropping by' mostly never is cool. <br />Loads of careers are demanding and people choose assorted careers for diff reasons. A large populus of new chefs-in-training in this day and age think becoming any sort of chef is a cake walk, watch Food Network, get starry eyed, think all involved is head to culinary school, and then in no time will be a celebrity. So yeah your likely o hook up with someone with a huge ego. For the rest of us, cooking as a career is the only thing imaginable, whether it is baking overnight or serving foie gras in a Michelin star or working in a pub resto or a hospital kitchen or wherever. And as much as I love balance in my life -ie making time for friends and family, my career is first and I will not try to beg for weekends or holidays off, because a couple of family members have still not grasped those days off do not ever exist for us. And bugging about it just reminds us that we have not had a Christmas dinner at Christmas in 20 years. Or whatever. I/we signed up for this career because we are super passionate about it and knew going in (those of us without rose coloured glasses on) what the sacrifices are. You know? So if you're falling for someone who is a chef or wants to be one, you can't tell them to change careers, and you can't whine about crazy schedules, either long hours or diff schedules or short notice changes. that is our reality. Find a diff spouse with a mon-fri 9-5 and holidays free if you can't deal with instability or unpredictable or if you are the type of s/o who expects a reply to your text message w/in 2 minutes or you blow up their phone or jump to conclusios they are cheating on you/dont love you anymore/etc. When you're on the line or in middle of cooking a lunch for 300 pax, you dont get to answer your phone or reply to messages. I love my job too much to feed someone's insecurities and risk losing my job. <br />Yeaeh you know ltrs are often about compromise. A woman or a man who has CHOSEN to be a chef of whatever kind has done so voluntarily and by choice. Which is why I say the only relationships that survive are chef and chef, for we are the only ones who are fully ok with schedules and sched changes and long hours, and smelling like onions or garlic or pork or whatever else weve been working with all day, and not desiring to cook a 5 course meal for family every time we have a reunion or even come home after a 12 hour shift. <br />However, when there is energy or time, yes we do play with food and so you are correcí, throw the Mon - fri exact food budget out. You wouldnt tell an artist to not spend any money on new paints or canvas or whatever. <br />And finally, not mentioned here, we are experimenters and for most part eat anything - aside from the odd fellow chef I have worked with say who is allergic to X Y or Z. So if you are a picky eater, accept the home kitchen can be used as a playground for all sorts of things, unless your chef s/o person has same restricted diet as you do.<br />Ok well I'm writing this after a 12 hour shift, which began at 4am lol so I apologize for the rambling. You can expect a whole lot of this from your chef spouse/s/o also :))Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-54349552792999753742017-08-12T19:57:16.476-05:002017-08-12T19:57:16.476-05:00Hello ladies -- I've been married for 25 years...Hello ladies -- I've been married for 25 years to my guy, who's been a restaurant manager for the last dozen or so. After many years of assuring me that he's looking for work outside the industry in order to have a better balance of life and work, he now says this is what he loves to do, is good at, and can't seem to find other work that will pay enough (which I know is true). While I appreciate all the hope and optimism and courage many of you profess, I also hear the pain and loneliness and sorrow that many of you experience ... and here's what I want to say, from my own years of living with this situation: DO NOT SACRIFICE YOUR OWN WELL-BEING. This man that you love is NOT the only man in the world. You will NOT die or shrivel up and be miserable if you decide to move on. Think about what you want from a relationship, from a marriage: a few hours here and there of companionship, but spending most nights and weekends and holidays alone? Your man might be a great guy, you might love him, but please think carefully about making a commitment to someone whose chosen career is one that makes a good marriage (especially with kids!)very, very difficult. Are you wondering why I'm still married? Me too, LOL ... but I am at the other end of my working life, and know that if I leave now, I will likely spend the rest of my life alone and struggling to make ends meet; staying is partly an economic decision for me. But honestly, if I were fifteen or twenty years younger, I would move on as kindly as possible, honoring both his desire to do the work he loves, and my desire to open myself up to the possibility of finding someone who shares my values for a more balanced life and a better quality relationship. Just my two cents; maybe this will help someone who's on the fence. Much love and strength to you all.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-1354159880380864782017-06-25T13:56:20.151-05:002017-06-25T13:56:20.151-05:00Hi,
I just started dating a Chef about a month and...Hi,<br />I just started dating a Chef about a month and a half ago and I'm beyond frustrated. He lives 35 miles away without D.C. traffic and if I want to see him most of the time it's me driving to him and sitting in his restaurant for three hours taking the 5 min he has here and there. He only has off Sunday and Monday and I work 9-5 during the week. When he is off he wants to sleep til noon. Aside from a movie, all we've ever done is eat out. He doesn't even have food in his house, he brings home food from his restaurant. I ask him to call, he never does. I sometimes don't hear from him until 4 or 5 in the afternoon. He never says anything sweet about missing me or liking me, I say it all. How on earth am I supposed to build a bond with him? He doesn't seem to care about how it hurts me. Maybe it shouldn't this early on but I'm trying so hard and it feels like his job will always be first. Please help. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09823964557038514310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-91064235542820816932016-12-11T12:08:57.800-05:002016-12-11T12:08:57.800-05:00Juliana - you are from NYC? I just started dating ...Juliana - you are from NYC? I just started dating a chef and am feeling a lot of the frustrations you are which is why I started looking online for support. A lot of my friends just simply don't understand. <br /><br />Hopefully we can connect and commiserate!<br /><br />Iris - NYCLost Lenorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13589960027377032629noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-31473544090666576982016-12-11T12:03:16.197-05:002016-12-11T12:03:16.197-05:00Hey Juliana,
I just started dating a chef and I&...Hey Juliana, <br /><br />I just started dating a chef and I'm in NYC. I started googling around for resources to find some support. I'm happy to swap information if you're around!Lost Lenorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13589960027377032629noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-27528680983514097632016-11-23T00:01:53.211-05:002016-11-23T00:01:53.211-05:00So glad that I stumbled across this blog. It's...So glad that I stumbled across this blog. It's exactly what I needed right now. Being a chef wife can be really lonely and frustrating. It's nice to see that I'm not alone here. <br /><br />A little of my story: married for 6 months to a director of operations/corporate chef for a group with multiple restaurants in CA and NYC, Chicago, DC and soon to be openings in Houston and possibly Toronto (restaurant openings AHHHH!!! I've been through 3 openings with my dude and they are NOT FUN). Restaurants across the country = splitting time amongst them all = travel for weeks at a time. The hubs has been in this position for about 4 months and prior to this, worked as an executive/corporate chef for two other restaurant groups. Hours are long, time is so limited, and he was told he would be required to travel approximately 40-50% of the calendar year. It's hard enough when he is home in NYC for work with super long work days and then when you add travel...ugh! <br /><br />I'm not sure if this is allowed...I find that it's hard to talk to family and friends that aren't in the same boat and can't relate. I would love to swap information with anyone willing that would like to chat/vent/cry together. Chef wives need supoort from one another! :)<br /><br />Juliana - NYCJuliananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-31447773021862890422016-11-18T22:04:20.830-05:002016-11-18T22:04:20.830-05:00I am in a similar position. I have been with my ma...I am in a similar position. I have been with my man for over a year. His schedule will probably be the end of our relationship. I find myself resenting him often and worry about our future. He is 34 and did not go to culinary school, so I think he has moved up as far as he can. It makes me very sad. I am supportive but inside, it kills me. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-89496353759505122192016-09-15T07:11:55.110-05:002016-09-15T07:11:55.110-05:00I understand the disengaged thing, especially duri...I understand the disengaged thing, especially during opening, tastings for new jobs, restaurant week, etc. I think the best thing is to express that you feel pushed away (they may not know). But it's important to do it in a very careful way- learn from my mistakes!! Don't nag, yell, scream, or rant on and on. Chefs have hard exteriors, but very sensitive feelings.Oree Koblentzhttp://www.dailycheapscrubs.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-19366591528176875632016-08-05T04:23:16.335-05:002016-08-05T04:23:16.335-05:00Hi all,
I've been dating a chef in France for...Hi all,<br /><br />I've been dating a chef in France for 6 months now. At first, it was great; he was in the process of setting up a new outfit and there was still some time for me/us. <br /><br />The long and short of it is I believe I've fallen in love with a chef robot; if he's not working, he's busy with orders, interviewing staff, resting up, etc. There's little emotional energy left for me and I'm finding this difficult to handle. It's not that I can't deal with my time without him around; it's just that a ghost-like element has entered our relationship where I'm finding that I have to work really hard to ensure that the disconnect doesn't grow around us. He is not good at texting or calling and I can go for days without hearing from him. It doesn't help that he works in the evenings until 1am most nights and we live 30 minutes by car from each other. This week, for example, we've not seen each other at all due to his work commitments and he's sent me only two texts, neither of which were particularly inspiring.<br /><br />He says he loves me and thinks I maybe the right person for his happy ever after. I love him; I just can't stand how much his work gets in the way of what could be a wonderful relationship. Part of me wonders whether these chef guys were initally drawn to this profession because they have issues relating to unavailability. Or is it just my one, sigh.<br /><br />CK - FranceAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-25583253463934125382016-05-18T16:08:58.385-05:002016-05-18T16:08:58.385-05:00Hi all- I'm writing here because I've come...Hi all- I'm writing here because I've come to a crossroads in my relationship and aren't sure which direction to go. 5 months ago I moved halfway across the country to live with my boyfriend of a year. He had moved 4 months prior for a Sous Chef position. The city is awful, neither of us have had any luck making friends. I've gone through more jobs in the last 5 months than in my entire work history combined before the move. Back home he worked long hours but I had friends and family to spend time with so it didn't seem that awful. Most nights he doesn't get home until 11:30 at the earliest and as late as 1:30. To make things worse a couple months ago he admitted to drunkenly kissing one of his co-workers at one of their usual 'after work drinking sessions.' We've moved on from this and thankfully the girl is no longer employed with the restaurant but that thought will always cross my mind. <br /><br />Now he is saying that he wants to move to either Chicago or NYC or San Francisco to pursue his dream of working at a Michelin Star restaurant. The idea of living in those cities/very small,expensive apartment/him working 14+ hour shifts... scares the sh*t out of me. I love him and imagined us spending our lives together but when he talks about his future he keeps using language that just refers to what he'll be doing- not us. He's told me multiple times that he wants me to be there with him but I don't know if I'm cut out to be a "Chef's Wife." How do you guys keep your sanity and happiness when the only person you know is gone all the time? If I've had trouble making a single girlfriend in a city of less than 100K... I can't imagine the difficulty doing so in one with millions. Will the drinking and partying ever stop? Our lease is up in two months and I have to decide whether to go with him and support him or leave because I'm afraid of not being cut out to be his partner in crime. <br /><br />Ashley, COconfusednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-78986121395247211512016-02-04T01:54:24.347-05:002016-02-04T01:54:24.347-05:00Hi Swe, I'm in NYC and feeling the same, needi...Hi Swe, I'm in NYC and feeling the same, needing support. Let me know if you'd be interested in trying to get some of us together!buncehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00774549043682951507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-73502685817356758092016-01-29T21:12:44.281-05:002016-01-29T21:12:44.281-05:00Hi SWE, It's pretty rare that we'd meet up...Hi SWE, It's pretty rare that we'd meet up anymore. I'm two kids deep which takes nearly all of my time. But it's never too late to try again. There are also loads of other chefs' wives on Facebook in the group "married to a chef". Hilary Batteshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17379733128452993947noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-38273157756384426022016-01-29T10:52:47.139-05:002016-01-29T10:52:47.139-05:00Hi do you still meet NYC ? I could use some suppor...Hi do you still meet NYC ? I could use some support.! Appreciated reading these comments. It's not easy!Swehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01282273424924294838noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-56919848823818990502015-11-01T04:22:21.674-05:002015-11-01T04:22:21.674-05:00I just left my chef and I already miss him. We sp...I just left my chef and I already miss him. We spent a few hours together and he was sleeping pretty much the whole time. We've been together for 2 and a half years now. He was a cook for the first year and a half and now he's a chef. Something about that transition just made our lives harder. We have always find ways to make it work. We try to talk everyday but lately it has become harder and harder. He has talked about leaving his job to do something else so that we can have a family but it makes me feel guilty. I don't want him to leave a job that he loves and is really great at for me. What if we don't work out. I love him so much but sometimes I wonder if that is enough.Lau lovehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00083445268001672319noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-35450616702897571492015-11-01T04:21:25.383-05:002015-11-01T04:21:25.383-05:00I just left my chef and I already miss him. We sp...I just left my chef and I already miss him. We spent a few hours together and he was sleeping pretty much the whole time. We've been together for 2 and a half years now. He was a cook for the first year and a half and now he's a chef. Something about that transition just made our lives harder. We have always find ways to make it work. We try to talk everyday but lately it has become harder and harder. He has talked about leaving his job to do something else so that we can have a family but it makes me feel guilty. I don't want him to leave a job that he loves and is really great at for me. What if we don't work out. I love him so much but sometimes I wonder if that is enough.Lau lovehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00083445268001672319noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-87213514544804175082015-09-18T19:14:48.720-05:002015-09-18T19:14:48.720-05:00It has made me feel soo much better to find this b...It has made me feel soo much better to find this blog and hear that other people feel the same way! I met my chef while travelling and moved across the world to be with him. He works long hours and likes to stay after work for a drink with the boys, meaning he often comes in very late at night. Being away from my support network of family and friends in a new city makes things more challenging, and although we usually have one day off together per week I can't help feeling a bit neglected/lonely when he chooses to spend some of the little time he has off with his friends (although I totally understand that this is very important!) instead of with me, especially as get-togethers usually involve alcohol and run late into the night. I was in the habit of waiting up until 1 or 2am to talk to him when he gets in, but ended up exhausted, run down and performing badly in my job with only 4 or 5 hours sleep. I am trying to get to sleep earlier now without him, but I just miss that end of day chat/cuddle and hate falling asleep on my own. I feel really trapped as I feel that if I leave the relationship I am throwing away something really great and leaving behind a wonderful person, yet if I stay I am committing to a life that I might never find makes me truly happy. I had a strong family growing up and want the same for my children down the track, with a father who is there for them and a husband to spend my evenings with. Now after only a year together it can feel so hard to coordinate time together and I feel like it is sometimes a 'chore' for him when he would rather be at the pub with his mates. Thanks for creating such a supportive community here to share our stories xxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-27457835598960531892014-12-04T01:12:14.018-05:002014-12-04T01:12:14.018-05:00Ive been with my chef boyfriend for 4 and a half y...Ive been with my chef boyfriend for 4 and a half years. We met at a restaraunt and after 10 months I left the restaraunt to go back to my normal work 9-5. For the last two years I have been miseable, always missing him, upset, crying myself to sleep and wishing we could spend more time together. I always tell him this, but he turns it straight around on me and usually goes with the quotes 'theres not much left of me after work' and 'i'm just so busy' and 'i am looking at the future give it a few years'. <br />Recently (3 mths ago) I woke up and just stopped caring about us. I stopped crying and stopped waiting for 'us' time. we purchased a house 12 months ago, I feel like we have made a mistake buying it, as now instead of being lonely at someones house, I now go home to a lonely 2 hectare property too far away to see my friends and I am completely alone. I suggested having someone move in so i feel less alone and not so scared, but he doesnt want to do that.<br />I am at my wits end. I stopped caring about US and our relationship without even realising and now I feel stuck. I am at my wits end and I cannot go on like this for another few years. I can't wait until we have children for him to 'change' (he tells me if we have children he will have to change) i am having anxiety attacks and I am ready to leave but I am scared as well because I do love him... but I hate US! I am 24 and he is 32... And I feel like I am too young to be a side platter for him that is expected to be happy about seeing him an hour every week. <br />He won't commit his days off to me because he wants to go hunting and fishing to 'clear his head' and I find myself waiting around for him, then when he finally comes home he ust gets drunk. HELP ME has anyone else made the break up move with financial tie downs I am losing my mind... Thanks for listenin.. LizAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648374498406854611.post-59627624130905910682014-12-04T01:11:48.302-05:002014-12-04T01:11:48.302-05:00Ive been with my chef boyfriend for 4 and a half y...Ive been with my chef boyfriend for 4 and a half years. We met at a restaraunt and after 10 months I left the restaraunt to go back to my normal work 9-5. For the last two years I have been miseable, always missing him, upset, crying myself to sleep and wishing we could spend more time together. I always tell him this, but he turns it straight around on me and usually goes with the quotes 'theres not much left of me after work' and 'i'm just so busy' and 'i am looking at the future give it a few years'. <br />Recently (3 mths ago) I woke up and just stopped caring about us. I stopped crying and stopped waiting for 'us' time. we purchased a house 12 months ago, I feel like we have made a mistake buying it, as now instead of being lonely at someones house, I now go home to a lonely 2 hectare property too far away to see my friends and I am completely alone. I suggested having someone move in so i feel less alone and not so scared, but he doesnt want to do that.<br />I am at my wits end. I stopped caring about US and our relationship without even realising and now I feel stuck. I am at my wits end and I cannot go on like this for another few years. I can't wait until we have children for him to 'change' (he tells me if we have children he will have to change) i am having anxiety attacks and I am ready to leave but I am scared as well because I do love him... but I hate US! I am 24 and he is 32... And I feel like I am too young to be a side platter for him that is expected to be happy about seeing him an hour every week. <br />He won't commit his days off to me because he wants to go hunting and fishing to 'clear his head' and I find myself waiting around for him, then when he finally comes home he ust gets drunk. HELP ME has anyone else made the break up move with financial tie downs I am losing my mind... Thanks for listenin.. LizAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com