This Lonely Life

Today, and this whole week really, is one of those times when I feel as if I've been kidding myself every time I say that I'm used to being married to a chef. Who am I trying to convince anyway? Yes, I have come a long way from a whinny, complaining, glass-half-empty person, but I'm not living in some deranged stepford wife bubble. I'm lonely and I'm bored.

Erik has been working 6 or 7 day weeks putting in nearly 90 hours a week to open a new restaurant in the Financial District. I was lucky enough to get out of the house yesterday, sans Baby, and treat my friend to a "friends and family" lunch at the restaurant. But that was really just a sliver of normalcy.

I got back from visiting my family in Ohio a couple weeks ago. I spent two weeks there, and it was great. I was able to introduce Maverik to most of my family and enjoy all the benefits of grandparents. My mom put him down for his naps everyday and watched him so I could go to the gym with my sisters, lay out and otherwise not be tethered to the baby. It was fantastic. But now I'm home again and due to the heat wave here I haven't even been able to get Maverik out of the house much. Erik leaves for work before the baby and I get up and he's home much later than we've gone to bed. I'm still on maternity leave, so I don't even have the stress and responsibilities of work to distract me from my absent husband. I secretly wish he would come home one day and say that he's taken a job working nine to five as an All-Clad cookware tester or something. He'd scoop up Maverik in his arms, grab me close and say that he'd never open a restaurant again, that he'd never travel again and that being close to his family means more to him than anything else in the world....

As reality has it though- I married a chef. A chef who loves what he does. A chef who usually works Monday to Friday, so I really can't complain. I hope I don't seem ungrateful, although I know I do. I just needed to vent about how rough the last two weeks were.

Food is Love,
Hilary 

My Version of...

The Chef and I met years ago and food brought us together. I had never met anyone as interested in all things culinary like myself, as my future husband. This mutual passion has been a constant in our relationship and I must admit I feel a little trashy.

You see, the chef became a professional gourmet but I just remained obsessed.

One might use the term “foodie” to describe my pursuits. I now shake my head in disapproval, as I have always shied away from the term, “foodie”. Somehow I associate it with the whore at the rock show who rolls up on the band just hopping to get a piece. A groupie, who can't play an instrument but loves to going to the show.

Food might as well be the sexy lead singer and wine, the shirt less drummer because I throw myself at them each and every time I get the chance. No reserve, just smutty abandon. It is out of control. I want to know the details - the how, the who, the what and why. And like any good groupie, I don't stop until I get what I want.
Maybe one day I'll write about my lecherous escapades and late night romps with the dynamic duo. A seedy memoir of sorts. Until then I’ll simply continue to ponder my own perverse psychology, wondering why I can never say no and why I always want more….

 -BK

Living in a Laboratory

From my friend, BK:

The chef and I moved into Brooklyn for more space. We knew this would be an easy task considering our first apartment was no larger than a furniture display at IKEA. Before moving, I dreamed of small dinner parties at an actual kitchen table and room on the counter top for things like a coffee maker.

I know, I know it’s the little things that make me happy….

The chef, however, had different plans. Room for the chef meant he could start a new food inspired hobby. I now live in a beta test kitchen for the chef’s microbrewery. My quirky yet adorable apartment smells like an unclean sports bar after a Big Ten football game. I spend my mornings tiptoeing around copper coils, bags of grain and carboys.

This might not be a problem for most people, but I am not graceful. I am not the girl that glides beautifully across the room. I am a100 pound bull in a china shop, smacking into everything on the floor.

Typically, I am overwhelmed by the chef’s enthusiasm for his career and his activities. Most of the time, I am a pretty awesome wife. However, the laboratory he has created now dominates my once clean kitchen. I love beer as much as the chef does but It’s difficult to throw a dinner party when the IPA is fermenting on the table. The process ends up looking like a dirty snow globe….exactly. Try and picture that.

Is it too much to ask for certain chef hobbies to be left at work? Do most chefs test their skills in their personal space? I need to know if this behavior is normal because I am about a 12oz. bottle of beer away from losing. my. mind.

Fresh Look On Things

As you know I'm in the process of giving CPR to my blog that is in need of some new life . I've teamed up with a fabulous chef wife who will be helping me keep it fresh and fabulous here. Before you read some great posts by my co-host, here is her introduction. Like I did in the infancy of this blog- she'll remain anonymous- you know how those chefs can be about their name being out there.

Meet my new pal:

I have been an avid reader of Desperate Chef Wives for some time now. I discovered Hilary and her blog shortly after she began writing. At the time, I had just moved across country with my husband in order for him to begin his professional career as a chef. Needless to say there were moments of loneliness. However, when I began to read Hilary's posts, that feeling dissipated.
Two years later and another move back across the country, I have learned an exceptional amount about the industry - for all it's faults and wonder. Now, Hilary is gracious enough to give me the opportunity to provide comfort, humor and fortitude in the same manner she provided me.
But who am I? Well first and foremost, I'm terrible at introductions. So rather than attempt to complete a clever and well-written description, I thought it would be best to unload a list of labels that give you a brief glimpse into my crazy little world....

Designer. City Dweller. Cocktail lover. Useless furniture collector. Lousy dinner cook. Wanna-be baker. Makeup obsessed. Beer advocator. Morning hater. High heel accumulator. Flea market shopper. Workout dodger. Roof top gardener. Wisecracker. Poor spelling skilled. Food captivated. Chef wife.

Again, I'm thrilled for the chance Hilary is giving all of us to connect and support one another. It takes a unique individual to live a life less ordinary and us wives, girlfriends and partners in this industry have quite a perspective. It's exciting to have a place to share the stories and anecdotes of our everyday experiences....all thanks to the first Desperate Chef Wife and happy new mother.....

It's Written On Her Face

Albrecht Durer painted "A Chef and his Wife". I absolutely LOVE the look on her face. What do you think? There has got to be a great story behind their relationship. She's thinking, "Why is there a live bird in my house? I clean and clean all day just for my chef to come home and make a mess in the kitchen. And look at his shirt! He's bursting at the seams, he hasn't shaved in days, well- he's making me a delicious meal and making enough money for me to buy this amazing head dress for my bad hair days...oh, I do love him so...

Food is Love,
Hilary

And the Winner Is/My Blog is Dead

The book contest winner, by random selection is DCW_Jess! Congrats Jess, email me your address so I can forward it to the publisher. Jess won a new hardback book by Jane Green-Promises to Keep.

In other-yet related-news this blog is totally dead! This contest only had 2 applicants! TWO! I know I have not been keeping up with it. I am completely brain dead when it comes to new topics. I want to write because this blog has given me so much as far as friends and personal relief- but for the life of me, I just can't come up with new material. And I suppose in a way I should be grateful because my life seems, well, balanced now. I have less of a NEED to write to cure my own insanities. My husband is still working crazy hours, especially now with the opening of a new restaurant in lower Manhattan. He still travels at length, his next trip will be Chicago for 4 weeks in September. Even though my chefwife life is still the same, I'm more content with it. More able to attach the challenges as they come and accept the difficulties that come with the territory. I love my life, like I always have, but now it's more peaceful.

I'm not sure of the future of this blog...we'll see.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Book Giveaway!

The good people at Viking have a copy of Promises to Keep by Jane Green ready to send out to a lucky Desperate ChefsWives reader. I've already started this novel about love and friendship and can't wait to finish it- in between midnight feeding and diaper changes. Of course the female chef character is one of my favorites a fresh change from the saturation of male chef characters in books and television.

Jane Green has written 12 other novels, several of which made the New York Times bestseller lists. She'll be on tour this summer as well.

New York, NY- Upper East Side Barnes and Nobles: Tuesday, June 22- 7 PM

Charlotte, NC- Sykes Learning Center at Queens University: Thursday, June 24-6:30 PM

Pawleys Island, SC- Litchfield Books' Movable Feast- Friday, July 2-12 PM

From Jane Green's website:

Callie Perry has a pretty perfect life. It may not be everyone’s idea of happiness – her husband spends more time travelling for his job as a commercials director than he does at home – but it works for her. It gives her time to work – she is a successful family photographer – and be around for her two kids, and her friends. She lives in Bedford, New York, is beloved by all who know her, and wakes up every morning grateful for how happy she is.

Her younger sister, Steffi, the baby of the family, has never grown up. In her early thirties and the epitome of a free spirit, she’s never held down a job, or a boyfriend, for longer than six months. Her latest incarnation is as a vegan chef. She’s living with the latest unsuitable man, in a sixth floor walk up in Soho, and her parents have almost given up hope that she’ll ever learn what it is to be responsible.

Lila Grossman is Callie’s best friend. Single, she’s finally met the man of her dreams. Ed has a son she adores, a crazy ex-wife she doesn’t, and she finally feels ready to settle down. If, that is, their goals are the same.

And then there are Callie and Steff’s parents. Walter and Honor . Divorced for almost thirty years, they haven’t spoken for most of that time. They may share two grown-up daughters, but it is agreed by all who knew them, they share little else.

Until they all receive a shocking phone call that changes their lives forever, and brings them all together one short, snowy winter.

Promises to Keep is about the hard choices we sometimes have to make; about having to be a child, long after you’ve grown up, and mostly, about the enduring nature of love.

Want a hardback copy of your very own? Just leave a comment sharing what you look for in a friend. Common interests? Companionship? A pal to laugh with? A serious soul sister? I'll chose a winner randomly on Sunday, June 20 so submit before then! Good Luck!!

Food is Love,

Hilary

Eat Chicago

Chefwife, Sondra, from Minneapolis, wants to plan a surprise trip to Chicago for her husband. What a great idea by the way! Her dilemma is that she has no idea where to take him to eat. And I have to admit, I have no clue either. She's seeking our help here. Does anyone know of some great places to eat in the windy city? Or even better, do your husband or boyfriends know of any great places to eat? Sondra is a bright lady and knows that chefs are not easy to please and won't be satisfied with the local Olive Garden or Red Lobster. She is interested in really impressing her man with some respectable and delicious food.

Erik recently bought a cookbook from a place called Alinea in Chicago. They've got fantastic reviews and I know a group of chefs who flew to Chicago just to eat there. That's a start-but it's all I've got-until I talk to Erik.

So let's get our ideas flowing and help out Sondra.

Thanks ladies.

Food is love,

Hilary

Maverik Hudson Battes

What a week! Last Friday Erik and I went to the hospital and had a beautiful, healthy baby boy! Maverik was born 6 pounds, 15 ounces, and 19 inches long. Everything went very well up until the point that Maverik was delivered. He came out great, but about 20 minutes passed before the placenta was delivered. As it turns out, I had an inverted uterus attached to the placenta and had to be rushed to the OR. I lost so much blood that I also had a blood transfusion. Needless to say, it was a crazy and terrifying night. Erik was a wreck while I was in the OR because he didn't know what was going on. My doctor was amazing-she is retiring this week and in all her career had never experienced this problem. But she studied in school and remembered what to do. If she had not acted as fast as she did I don't think I'd be typing this right now. A couple days later, I had to go back to the ER for some fluids due to complications with the transfusion. Then a day after that Maverik was taken to the NICU in an ambulance where were stayed for about 36 hours. The first week of Maverik's life we were at a doctor or hospital every day.

All of this still has not hit me. I'm trying to write about it in hopes that I might be able to get in touch with the trauma I experienced. We are home now and Erik is back to work.

I never appreciated life, family, or prayer as much as I do now.

Food is Love,

Hilary

Chef Advice

My younger sister is 15, and with the big wide world in front of her and she's trying to make sense of things and chose a career path. She's a competitive gymnast and cheerleader with great grades. But what does she want to do? COOK. She has a opportunity to spend the last two years of high school going to her regular high school in the morning then heading over to "cooking school" where she would simultaneously earn high school and college credits. The program is wonderful; my other sister when through a similar program- only she went to "zoo school" at the Columbus Zoo. I think it's a great idea, but my chef husband, on the other hand, is going to try his best to stop her.

Does it seem a little odd that my husband discourages people from going into the same industry that puts food on our table? It has nothing to do with my sister either; he tells everyone to avoid professionally cooking. His argument is that the industry isn't what most people think it is. I agree. My sister watches cake decorating shows and enjoys cooking very much-but does she really know what cooking in a restaurant entails? She wants to open a cake bakery: "Coco's Cakes". Does she know the road to get there can be scary and painful? Can she handle day work weeks including holidays and late nights? Then again, how can she know unless she tries?

But who knows, maybe she is tough enough. Is it Erik's job to simply present the facts of the industry or should he throw in his two cents and influence my sister? After all, she's only 15 so I think that she should go into the cooking school program , and in the end if she decides its not for her then she will have at least learned some useful skills.

Do your husbands and boyfriends encourage or discourage youngsters from entering the world of all things food.

Food is Love,

Hilary